The Top 5 Questions I Got As A Black Woman Living in Abu Dhabi

Though it’s been a few years of living back in the States, the questions never stop.

For a while, I wrote an advice column for a UAE magazine helping new arrivals adjust to the culture, new jobs and their new lives.

Living in Abu Dhabi taught me more about myself in a way I would have never experienced in the States.

Below are some of the questions I received. My answers are not conventional. I don’t speak for all women. My experience was unique, and not, at the same time. As in any place in the world, you will have challenges if you bring your same mentality, especially an ethnocentric one.

How do you deal with men not giving you eye contact during interviews? I’m an attractive woman and I find this to be so rude.

It is not unusual for some Arab men, or Emirati men to avoid eye contact with women. When I was interviewed for my job, I thought I did horrible. The men did not maintain eye contact with me when they spoke. I got an offer 3 days later. With research, you learn this is more of a cultural issue, than a personal one.

I have dark skin and many of the beauty products in Abu Dhabi have bleaching or whitening ingredients. How do I keep my skin’s natural tone and color?

If you use Shop n Ship, you’ll be able to get your favorite products delivered to you from Sephora, Amazon, and more. Understand that whitening ingredients like hydroquinone, kojic acid, alpha-hydroxyl acids, and arbutin are an important part of the beauty regimen in some cultures. Obviously, you want to avoid these products at all costs.

Why did you learn about yourself as a Black woman living in the Gulf?

I am safe. I learned that my femininity is an asset that I led with everyday. As opposed to being in the States, where femininity is masked, sexualized, or “neutralized”.

I felt oddly more liberated. I also learned to receive. Back home, I tend to dump my own tray in the garbage, pack my own bags at the grocery, lift my luggage, clean my own sunglasses, and do seemingly “everyday” things. I had to let others do their job, and accept help, and say thank you.

That was a nice a change from the push and hustle of living in NYC.

What was something that stood out for you to let you know you are not home anymore?

I needed to get some papers stamped. Waiting on the women’s line at a busy, government office filled with anxious expats, I noticed some men sneak into my line. I turned around when I heard a powerful voice burst out from a short, woman in hijab who demanded, “Men get off the line now!” She berated them in Arabic.

The men quickly scattered to “their” line. There was no back talk or complaints. I was in awe of her power, the way the men listened, and her claiming place and position. I’ve experienced this several times as women would scold men for parking in their lots or sitting in their chairs at the front of the bus. This was their space, and because it was “woman space” didn’t make it “less important” where they demanded to have the same.

Why would anyone fight to wait an extra 20 minutes on a line or sit in the back of the bus? It was easy for me to be a woman, though everyone’s experience is different. I don’t think I would have experienced this anyplace else.

What do you remember most?

I’d meet 4 other women writers every Friday at the Starbucks at Al Wahda Mall. We’d meet early in the morning discuss and share our writing, and ideas over tea, coffee, fragrant pastries, and sometimes tears, which deepened the connection. I remember introducing myself with the line, “I hate writers”. When they laughed, I knew I met my people. It became therapy for me in many ways. Each of us was from a different place, at a different part of our lives, and we held each other up. Magic was in that group. I wrote and published my 6th book after that.

What did you lose in the UAE?

I lost fear. I am not afraid.

Maryann Reid is the Editor of Alphanista.com.  

Originally posted 2018-01-31 13:10:19.