Weekend Rewind: There’s Only Room For One Alpha….

An oldie but goodie, as you mingle among yourselves this weekend, enjoy!

Advice

I discovered your blog this morning while on my one of favorite sites – Crunk and Disorderly.

Thank you for Alphanista! I have enjoyed reading it.  Your commentary on alpha females has put into many things I knew about myself into perspective, but has also raised some questions.

My best friend is also an “alphanista.” Prior to our friendship I was always the alpha and center of attention now she seems to be the “one.” I now find myself as a beta in group settings (which is very uncomfortable).

How do you suggest I handle this type of situation? Is it possible

Feeling like the sidedish,

Natalie

Dear Natalie:

This is something even I can relate to.

There’s usually enough room for just 1 alpha in a group, but if done right, two can share.  I have an alpha female friend, two in fact. 

With one of them, I can’t stand being around too much.  I usually like to dominate in some form or fashion among other women, but what I know how to do is fall back too, especially when surrounded by too much chatter. 

The alpha friend I’m speaking of is very chatty and jumps from idea to concept back to idea again.  I feel exhausted after talking to her.  It sucks my energy sometimes even standing too close.  In those cases, I resign my alpha self to absorb.

An alpha female needs space around her world

If she feels cluttered she’ll either attack or go into cave-mode, which means retreat to some quiet place. 

My other alpha friend, well, we connect on a more relaxed level.  We exchange dominant roles here and there.  It’s funny how some women exchange these roles between each other when their men are not around. 

It resembles what some male/female relationships are like.  It shows everyone needs someone to lead at one point or another.

In your case, hon, I think you may want to use your alpha role in other ways.   It’s important to always maintain control of your emotions. 

If she’s like you, then you two can discuss, but I caution against it. Alphas are very keen on other people’s weaknesses and  I know she is your friend, but if she has the slightest idea that you’re threatened it may come back to haunt you. 

Here’s what to do:

Do some things on your own. 

An alpha is never bothered by going out alone, in fact, she looks forward to it.  This will show your independence and as you make new discoveries and share with others, she’ll want to be a part of that.

Find a group of betas. 

Alphas are good at forming make-shift groups of all kinds from movie groups, cooking groups, dinner groups, dancing groups, sitting on the coach watching Friday night movie groups, career groups and more. 

It can be something simple.  Find like 3 beta chicks that you have something in common with and get together with them.  An alpha female needs her own group on which to expend her energy.

Think about whether you’ve outgrown your group. 

Your alpha friend is growing into the group and you may be graduating into higher level group that includes different kinds of people, adventures and circumstances. 

An alpha always seeks out a group she can benefit from.  Though she is happy being the center of the group, it must be a group that feeds her in some way where she can learn about herself, be challenged and accomplish other goals.

You can also be scandalous and get your friend “ousted” from the group.  But I can’t be responsible for that 😉 

All my 3 points can basically be combined to say: find some more and new friends, where you can shine again or be “taken” care of through proper feeding and stimulation.

Originally posted 2020-01-07 14:00:32.