Why Is It So Hard To Work With Other Women?

You get a glowing, new position to find out the boss you are helping is a woman.  Let the problems begin.

Or do they?  In an ideal situation, you both will bond over lattes and expense reports, support each other during those “tough” meetings and have each other’s back when things get prickly.  And why not?  She’s a woman and so are you.

Wrong.

A recent Gallup poll said the numbers now show no preference for male or female bosses, as compared to the poll in 2013 where more than a third of Americans preferred a male boss. But no fast.

There’s still a problem according to women when you speak to them one on one. A recent survey of over 1000 multicultural women in management, conducted by Alphanista found that 33% of women cited “working with other women” as one of their top 3 challenges at work, or in their careers.

Here’s one way it happens

Your manager, a woman, is someone within 5-10 years your age range so they are in your age group.  That sets up a sort of familiar territory that can set the relationship up to feel like you both should be at the same place.  Either you in her position, or you in her position.

When you start bringing in those sunny ideas that get the team excited, the wind is knocked out of you, when you see your boss’s face.  She’s not impressed.  When it comes to the men on the team or women out of range, she coddles them, and protects them.  So, you push further.  You ask her what she needs.  What are the goals she wants to accomplish? She says nothing.

Her excuse: she doesn’t want to be blamed for your screw ups.

In fact, she barely manages you. That is the most passive way any boss can distance themselves from you.  They can always say “you never came to me” when the going gets tough.  Eventually, you tire out or get an offer from another company, and move on.  You pray this time it’s working for a man.

But not so fast.

What if the situation could play out differently?

You stay. You embrace the discomfort as an opportunity to grow.  Also known as GOI.  Get over it.  You make an effort to get to know new women and actively seek them out to build new relationships.  Staying in your comfort zone or familiar circle builds a wall that keeps other people out, even energetically.

When working with other women no longer prickles your feathers, here’s what happens:

You develop a new sense of social intelligence that elevates your interactions with everyone outside your comfort zone

You learn to manage your emotions and refine them without blocking your voice

You trust yourself to trust other women with your genius ideas

You learn to give to other women without want

You become a better friend, wife, and mother

If you have applied all of the above, and this continues, then it’s you.  And what a relief that is.

Originally posted 2019-02-25 08:00:27.