ADVICE: Dating Just To Date Is Just Dumb

Lately, I’ve been going on dates, but not with the same men.  I mean, it’s like a different guy every few weeks or months.  The dates end well and there’s no drama. 

But I always feel empty afterwards. I don’t feel no connection with any of them. It’s fun on the date, I guess, but then we don’t talk for days and then another date, then its over. 

What can I do to start dating the SAME man? I have been dating since I was 15, I am 32 now. I guess I’m asking what am I doing wrong?

Going in circles,

Deedra

Dear Deedra:

Pat yourself on the back for still being in the game.  Still being open to meeting new men and dating. 

So many women are bitter and angry.  They are putting their lives on hold until Mr. Right comes to town.  They resent a man they haven’t even met yet!  Read that last sentence again. 

Lots of women have just given up and blamed the man who hasn’t come to rescue them.  It goes like this:  “If I had a man, I wouldn’t be so lonely”, “If I had a man, I wouldn’t have to pay all these bills by myself”, “If I had a man, I could get married like my other friends.”  Or better yet, “If I had a man, I’d buy a better mattress.”  Yes, women are sleeping on bad mattresses until they meet that man! 

What happens is women finally meet the man they’ve resented (but say they always wanted) and he runs away.  He runs away because he smells the resentment, the neediness, the anxiety.

So, as you for you, my dear, I do think you need to choose your men better.  Spend more time with them on the phone.  Form a bond that way. 

Don’t just immediately accept a date from a man after meeting him one time.  I don’t know what your criteria is but you should be dating on certain terms.  Dating is not just something to do on the weekends.  It’s a step towards finding a life long partner. 

At least over 30, it should be.  Don’t date to suppress any feelings of being inadequate.  Even if it means a few more weekends home alone, do it.  Because now, you’re making dating hard for no reason.

Next time, you get a man’s number.  Talk, bond with him, smell the flowers, so by the time you go out on date 1, it’ll feel like date 3.  And please do not write me any more about this, thank you 😉

An AF w/love,

XO

Originally posted 2019-12-30 14:02:26.