A classic! Enjoy!
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By Guest Blogger, The Hooker Chronicles
Why do men cheat, especially with escorts?
This is the million dollar question of the day. The question that’s been asked by Oprah, Redbook, Essence Magazine, Dr. Phil, and a host of other sources trying to get to the bottom of this domestic issue.
And the answer is (Drum roll Please)
Variety….
Every man has his own reason for wanting to participate in this particular vice, and it’s not always for reasons that you may think of like sex and perversion. Because lets face it- If it’s only about sex, he can do that alone and at home, for free. More than likely, the answer lies somewhere between lack of intimacy and the love of variety, and for the men that want variety, there’s really no exact cure unless he gets caught.
Men that desire variety can cheat forever, and that’s why you have men that “Hobby” (industry term) for 10, 20, and 30 years. It’s the excitement of being with someone new, without having to do the whole courting and dating thing.
Then you have the men that come to us due to lack of intimacy at home, or the embarrassment of having a particular kink or fetish that his wife may find repugnant. [Use your imagination here]
Men come to us for the openness, the acceptance, the excitement. And some men come for the adrenaline rush of having done something naughty…. like cheat.
In the end, the wife may be asking me or herself; how can I keep this from happening to me? After being in my line of work for 5 years, I learned a few things. Here are some suggestions:
- Keep lines of communications open at all times. Make it so that he’s comfortable telling you his deepest darkest secrets.
- Don’t judge him so much. Seem interested in the things that he’s interested in, even if those things seem ridiculous to you. Fake it!
- Make his surroundings good to come home to. Have Incense, candles, jazz music, and his favorite drink available. Even with my “primary partner”, he can come over at any given time and my house is ALWAYS clean, incense are burning, jazz music is playing, and I’m laid back chilling with one of my favorite drinks in hand. And guess what? He pulls up a seat and sticks a round!
- Be more feminine and learn to lower your voice. This is by far the best secret when it comes to men. Men love it when you talk to them in a NON confrontational tone. I NEVER raise my voice above its laid back tone (because I like my blood pressure to be nice and normal).
Last but not least…..
-Have fun with your man. Laugh with him, make him laugh. We as black women take everything so serious like the apocalypse is tomorrow. Do things that you and him wouldn’t normally do like have dinner at a burlesque club or a Jazz bistro. Watch porn together, go to strip clubs together. If you’re adventurous, then participate in amateur night and give him a lap dance.
There are so many different ways to please your man, and everyday you should be brainstorming ideas to keep the spice alive, and those juices flowing. I’m constantly brainstorming for new and exciting ideas because I want them to keep coming back, and you should be NO different.
Because lets face it- once he starts looking on Craigslist for hookers and hook-ups, you’re losing, not winning.
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i\’m
from old school, i always believed & thought once i was married it
would be 4-ever, lol, that was a mistake i guess, but i gave all, heart
& love no matter what. before we married, we agreed we would leave
each other before we would cheat on each other, but he didn\’t keep his
end of the agreement. after 18yrs of marriage i found out that there was
another woman that he\’d been seeing for the last 4 yrs of our
marriage, i had no idea because i loved & trusted in him that he
wouldn\’t do that because we had & agreement, & to make things
worse, it was with a really good friend & went to her for help &
support, but to find out that she was the other woman and didn\’t even
tell me when & went to her, I found out that it was her from her
step-dad. i left him until he moved out of the house & state. he
married her 2 yrs later. I have also remarried, but this is a totally
different ball game, my husband now after 6 yrs of marriage comes to me
and tells me he doesn\’t want to cheat, but he\’s a man & men want
strange from time to time. he wants to just have sex with another woman
with me with him & that I can or don\’t have to take par in if
don\’t want to, but he wishes i would. now how would you take that?
should a appreciate the fact that he\’s being honest & not cheating
or is he just wanting me there so he doesn\’t feel guilty & i
wouldn\’t be able to really say anything because i would be there to.
ladies, give me your thoughts & keep in mind that way of the world
today. thank you
OMG…I can’t take all the banter…LOL…Just kidding. But I will add my two pennies nonetheless.
I don’t think that there is a road map, however diverse, to “save” a relationship. Men and women alike live and grow. And as we do, our priorities and needs change. If you follow the said rules that THC has so eloquently mentioned, then you’ve merely made a decision to ensure your man’s pleasure. It doesn’t mean that by doing so, he will never seek another for that “something else”. And rest assured, it has absoluelty nothing to do with you.
Ladies, please, please, please understand that we have a tendency to perceive things in our own minds and expect everyone else, esp. our men, to see things in like manner. Uh, uh, uh, its not gonna happen. If your man has sex with another, does that mean that he doesn’t love you? Of course not! It just means that his meaning of love differs from yours. RELAX.
We can not control another no matter how good we think we are to them. So my advice: do what feels good to you, and if that means making your man feel good, then do it without any expectations. Just do it and feel happy. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.
Thanks Maryann cant wait to post on more articles lots of good topics here!
@Leilam, thank you! checked out ur site, welcome!
Ive never posted before but I had to on this one love your site maryann! Like THC I also am an escort, and she is speaking the truth with this post. I am so used to seeing married guys that when I see a single one I am VERY wary of why they are seeing me- married guys are that prevalent in the escort world. One client that comes to mind has been married over 20 years- but he has validated his cheating by the fact that shes gained a lot of weight, and no longer wants to have regular sex with him. Yes sex and being sexy is that important! I know it must be hard for wives to be mothers, sexy vixens in bed, and career women but if you neglect your husbands they are guaranteed to find a woman who will take care of their needs.
To EbonyLolita I hear you! My ex boyfriend and I broke up about a year ago and soon after that he began going out with this 24 year old virgin- and then started emailing me to “be friends!!” right…..i was mad at myself for not blocking his email and phone number sooner- when you find the guy who can handle a woman who can be sexually confident and a lady let me know!
Hello Good Post THC,
Fantabulous post !!
But you know what>??? A lot of men have a mental block on marrying the woman who does the “Escort like tricks” I’ve done the whole open communication thing and turned my man OUT!!! However, most Men have this whole Madonna vs Whore complex thing and I know for a fact men have cheated on the Lady in the streets/Freaks in the bed woman. I think that men should go after what they want, but have a mental block from doing so. They become emotionally overwhelmed by the idea of a woman being more than one thing and often choose Ms. Goody/Goody who they’re not sexually satisfied with and cheatge w/ Escorts or woman who are more Sexually confident then the average. *Shrugs* Hey I’m just on the hunt for a MAN who can handle both aspects of the Madonna/Whore in me
Love,
EbonyLolita
Men cheat because they never intended to have one woman in the first place. However, if they want to have a family, they have to at least play it off as if they intended to be faithful.
I think “love of variety” is the key here. The question is whether the guy has to dump his girl to get the variety or whether he can get it an come back home to her and continue their relationship where they left off.
@ The Wife.
You should appreciate the Reality of THC’s words, not your blindness to what could prevent a fruitful life with your man.
You wonder why men go elsewhere and not always to an Escort, but her words are still the same. Take her profession away, and it still speaks truth.
I feel bad for you who think your knowledge trumps reality. Ignorance isn’t always bliss.
Wow Maryann this blog does wonders for you. You got a marriage proposal. No wif only it was that easy for the rest of us lol
Hey Maryann….. I got a VVS1, H in clarity,3 carrot princess cut, platinum setting engagement ring with your name engraved on it, in exchange for a dinner date thingy…what say you?
@ the wife
Grow up! men good men CHEAT on Good wives. LIFE! You should thank THC for her insight and wisdom. Or take it over to EBONY or all the other “be strong” advice blogs out there. We like ours raw and real. Thank YOU!
WOW I am not sure what to think..Sounds easier just to stay single…Sounds like a women would have to offer up mind blowing sex on the regular and never tell her man “No I am tired will do it tomorrow ” LOL No THANKS
The Wife
I would be the first one to say I don’t agree with the life style of escorts and anyone in all categories of that industry, but I am glad THC is educating us right now. I am not maried, but I know a lot of married women who want to turn a blind eye to what their husbands are doing. On the other hand they want to treat their husbands bad and make their homes hostile and wonder why their husbands are seeking the company of another woman.
These issues exist and we need to stop ignoring them.
I knew that someone was going to go there, and I welcome the challenge.
Fact #1
A male or Female is more than likely to get a sexually transmitted disease from someone that they met in a club, bar, or the 7-11. Fact is; most if not ALL escorts will refuse to do anything uncovered.
Fact #2
Escorts are business women who are usually only interested in the financial transaction of their meetings with clients. So with that being said, the man usually doesn’t have to worry about the escort stalking him, or boiling his bunny in a mad fatal attraction rage. We save that madness for the “civvies” women.
Fact #3
The drug epidemic in the escorting population is slim to none. You’re referring to street walkers, and if a man likes street walkers, that’s a whole different Jerry Springer Episode.
Let me be REAL clear here…
I’m not here to take anyone’s husbands.
I post my ads every week, and the men respond. Now whatever deep seated reason for them to cross my path is something that THEY need to figure out. I’m just here to get PAID!
@The Wife for someone who can’t stand this blog you sure hang around here alot.
@THC you are a bold one aren’t you? OK, here it is.
1. disease brought back to the family 2. demon spirits from alcohol and drugs 3. causing confusion in the man making him feel closer to the escort than his own wife!
your kind has been telling us wives forever what we need to do, if ya’ll soooo good why ain’t you married?
THC, I hear you on that. I would’ve set his butt up on Dateline NBC with the rest of the perverts in addition to the police but when it comes to situations like that, it’s in a whole other ballpark. Play time is OVER!
The Wife..
Plese educate us. What are the dangers?
I cant believe this blog is going there and letting hookers comment on wholesome lives, this is ridiculous and disrespectful to women everywhere. Why couldnt the post be about the dangers which is a reality. Advice? Oh, helllll no.
Excellent, excellent post THC! I think the advice you gave is spot on. But I do have to echo the concerns of Babydoll:
“Women are doing this too, cheating and getting bolder with it by the day. With all this focus so much on what you got to do to keep a man is why women act the way the do now-desperate. I just want men to feel that they have to do the mandatory steps to make sure his woman is happy and being kept too. ”
How do women balance being attentive to their man without being a doormat, appearing desperate, and maintaining your alpha quality?
I also agree that with all this focus on how to “keep” (for lack of a better word) a man it almost seems as though men don’t have to take action in the relationship. Some women resort to cheating or stop practicing the very elements suggested when they feel burned out or, like they’re doing everything in the relationship and getting no reciprocity.
Granted I recognize that this is a blog related to women in relationships with men so the focus will and should be on women’s roles in relationships but, what about things men can do in the relationship as well? Or what about ways to communicate to your man that your needs aren’t being met so that you can continue to make him happy?
@loving a bottom B..
Im just giving some inside scoop.
@THC good post. Dropped a lot of knowledge for those that don’t know or blind to the facts.
Great post. I think you made some great points
“Have fun with your man. Laugh with him, make him laugh. We as black women take everything so serious like the apocalypse is tomorrow.”
That is soooo true. I think if we all understood that…the better off we’d all be.
THC
Women like you have been “spittin the truth” for years but other woman have been reluctant to take heed! I wonder why????
@THC thanks again, we work well together, send me what else you got. This is very solid advice that fits the merit of the blog that there is more than one way to skin a cat! And good point about the Pandora’s box…wow.
THANK YOU everyone for the positive feedback..
And
THANK YOU Maryann for the opportunity
@THC…. Great post!! I have read all your feedbacks in these posts and I always find your view refreshing. I’m headed over to to subscribe to your blog A.S.A.P!!!
Kim..
The communication part is very important, but sometimes it can open up a Pandora’s box of deviancy. I had one client who felt so comfortable with me that he told me that he molested his 13 year old neighbor. I secretly called the police on him though…
I don’t play that!
talk about hitting the nail on the head. Way to go THC!
Men should take the same advice to keep their women from straying. I’ve heard of or participated in several women cheating on their husbands. In my experience, it most often happens after she has the first kid. A woman’s body changes and sometimes her libido changes for a few months and then the compliments stop coming (from hubby) and he takes her for granted in the care of the child. All the while, if she works, she’s going to work, she had that “glow” while pregant and still has the “after glow” and men being men – the game unfolds.
You’d be surpirsed how a little attention can get you outta the “friend zone.”
So women – give your man varitey; Men – give your woman attention; Then you’ll only be cheated on by real ganster ass cheaters!
I love your suggestions. I am not married yet, but when I get married I will surely do some of the things you suggested.
I think the problem is people have lost the fairytale, fantasy world thing. Good post.
This is really good advice. But with how things are in this day and age, I feel there is not enough advice out there for men to keep a woman. Women are doing this too, cheating and getting bolder with it by the day. With all this focus so much on what you got to do to keep a man is why women act the way the do now-desperate. I just want men to feel that they have to do the mandatory steps to make sure his woman is happy and being kept too.
But like I said good post. That whole keep it feminine especially with your voice, is very important. When I needed tp speak to my boo and get his attention, I speak in a almost school girlish tone (I know) and he responds to it every single time. I try to keep a very smooth tone, and he is like puddy in my hand because of that.
THC-
Solid post.
Those are some great suggestions especially coming home to a relaxing and CLEAN environment. Incense burning and jazz playing in a room full of filfth is not cool. Sometimes you have to ask your man what he wants and that’s when the communucation comes in. That in itself will turn your man on. Him knowing that you are down for pleasing him and you are intrested enough to see what HE wants. Now if you ain’t into the kind of stuff that he is into, you may have to compromise but don’t be so quick to turn it down. It’s really ridiculous to see a man who is in a relationship turn to a hooker for sex but like they said, “what you won’t do, another will”.
Ooops..
Because lets face it- once he starts looking on Craigslist for hookers and hook-ups, you’re losing, not winning.
That’s what I meant to say… (Corrected above by Admin)