When Sleeping With the Boss Is “Business”

CBS News Anchor Julie Chen slept with the boss and married him, CBS Corp CEO Les Moonves, she caught some drama, but people eventually got over it

CBS News Anchor Julie Chen slept with the boss and married him, CBS Corp CEO Les Moonves, she caught some drama, but people eventually got over it

Several months ago, I did a survey of 300 professional women that showed almost 64% of them have slept with their boss or thought about it.

Forty years ago, it would’ve been the way a wife meets her husband.  She’s his secretary and they spend a little too much time alone in the office.  Then they marry.  Or it may be just a way to cool off the tense moments of the busy day.  What’s a girl to do who is a natural flirt and likes to be play with fire now and again?

These days, even so much as repeated second glances can be grounds for filing a sexual harassment suit.  There’s no dating at work. If it is, it has to be hidden.  This doesn’t help single women at all.  It just makes another place where they can’t meet men.  But what better place to meet a man than at your job?  Of course, it depends what job it is, but if you’re there, it should be no problem why he’s there, too.  But let’s get back to the sex.

Sleeping with the boss can be “okay” for any one of the following reasons:

1. There’s an obvious physical attraction that you both have discussed before; it is mutual and agreed
2. You have a guaranteed written promotion filed with HR that can change your career and income tax bracket forever.  This isn’t jockeying for peanuts, but a total coup for your career and lifestyle
3. He’s pumping lots of “bonuses” in your checking acct on a regular basis, while everyone else has to wait until the holidays

Sure, folks may think sleeping around for promotion is a bad thing.  It can be, if you’ve done it all wrong.  Here’s how you mess up:

1. Slept with more than 1 boss at the same company (men talk)
2. Slept with the boss for extra transit checks (peanuts)
3. Slept with the boss because you think he may “look out for you”  (verbal agreements are bad)

Proceed with caution.  Do not try to manipulate a man or use the law in your favor.  In many cases, it backfires, leaving you jobless and black listed.  Use the law if your mental stability is at stake and you feel unsafe.  No one wants to be harassed.  If you are, definitely seek outside counsel.  This is only for the ladies who like to play “secret santa” with the boss.  Sorry, not everyone wants to be a role model for women, or has to be.

29 thoughts on “When Sleeping With the Boss Is “Business”

  1. You people make me sick. Men or women sleeping with their boss are admitting they don’t ahve what takes to get ahead with the right skills for the job. More often than not you are messing around with other people’s lives, such as wives, husbands and families. That some of you think this is ok, is yet another indication of the degradation of our culture. Me, me, me, it’s all about me. I hope you get what is coming to you.

  2. It actually comes down to discretion. If you can keep it under the hat, you can do anything you want to do. If you’re gonna “catch fillin’s” over it and make a scene @ the company picnic, you need to leave the extracurricular activities WAY outside of your workplace.

  3. People can say what they want but Maryann this is on point. There are a lot more successful women you did this to get to the top. Do you really think Jackie Kennedy really loved the guy she married after her husband was killed. She got with him to support her lifestyle and her children. I don’t agree with it but I understand. We live in a male dominated society and in the world although things are changing we have not reached that level yet. Plus let be real in a lot of industries this happens already or has so why not gain something.

  4. Incog-

    I like that (pulling strings to get her on to trips)… nothing wrong with mixing business and pleasure!

  5. Being the boss in this situation is both fun and scary. I’ve slept with a couple of people at work (at diffent jobs, at different times of course). It made for some great times but also some stressful times.

    Only one time was I really the “boss.” The cool thing was that I could pull strings to get her on to trips with me. It was fun while it lasted, but because it had to stay under the radar – it didn’t last that long.

    HR has really screwed up the ability to really make moves at work. Plus, coming up in corporate america, black men are constantly reminded that’s it’s usually our penis that keeps us from getting to the very top.

    My advice to ChiLawyerGirl – you need to be pretty explict that you are “approachable.” If you don’t want to say it in the office, set up a Happy Hour and be open about what you are open for.

  6. I have been there and done that with “the boss” (only once) and it had nothing to do with fringe benefits or laying on my back for nickels, it was an attraction. He was not involved with anyone and neither was I, we were both single. Things didn’t work out between us because personally we were both having issues but I learned alot from him personally and professionally. He encouraged me to start my own business and I did. I would never do it again though because you do put yourself in a position where you have to balance you job, and your relationship. One day you may be arguing about something that you did wrong at the job and he has to pull you up on it and then one day you may be arguing about him not spending enough time with you. It can be too ughhhh for the average relationship. Congragulations to anyone who has gotten married or who has had a successful relationship from it.

  7. *intelligence, lol
    and maryann, i love the hell out of this blog and ima keep reading it regardless. what would we as women be if we agree with everybody on everything???

    (beta) LMAO

  8. when will all women learn that it’s more to themselves than outward appearance? i am beautiful, but i also have a lot more invested in myself than my looks. and at the job, i want to be recognized for my intellidence and drive more than my sexiness.
    if that makes me less of anything in someone’s eyes, so be it.
    you should have enough confidence in yourself that you can succeed based on your mind, not your *ussy.

  9. I work at a Fortune 500 company.

    I cannot tell you how these sexual harrassment laws have made men scared to look at women or even breathe too hard next to them. I know many good hard working men who have been fired for nonsense.

    It has virtually destroyed any kind of romantic unions at work that could possibly lead to what Ms Chen has and that’s a marriage. There are many examples, but everyday men are made to feel afraid to approach women. I am a very successful, corporate HR attorney, and it is hard to find black men to date at work, or men period. I am always at work. ALWAYS. Where else am I supposed to date. The receptionist got married and pregnant by one of the lawyers here, she is white. When I see one of the brothers (few) they look at me, and look away. I’m like “HELLO SINGLE SISTER HERE TAKE ME OUT TO COFFEE OR SOMETHING”. They are single, too. I do background checks :)

    And I am attractive.

    By the way, this blog kicks ass!

  10. Maryann

    Don’t worry. Those who have their panties all in a knot are likely those who have never received attention in the workplace because of their appearance. They don’t understand that it’s possible to be damned good at your job and sexy as hell too!

  11. (walking into blog with bag of groceries and looking around)

    I guess I’m the black Ann Coulter today….

    (leaving blog, with groceries…)

  12. @ bree
    i’d expect that from a girl in the “entertainment industry”
    promotion for sex and a penny for your soul. you’re too far gone to have an inkling of understanding of what im talking about. it’s okay …

  13. LPJ, the reason why I stated both you AND Marie in my comment reference was because I agreed with BOTH point of views– nowhere in my post did I specifically say they were the same. “Ruthless,” “calculating,” and alternative pov is where I agreed with you (hence my statement acknowledging divergent povs between now and my initial impression and my statement “more power to you”), the negative association to those characteristics in endorsed behaviors, such as this particular post (hence my attribution of cold-hearted) is where I agreed with Marie.

    Lastly, I never said that I agreed or disagreed with this specific post in my stated comment, therefore there is no way that I could have stated that anyone else agreed or disagreed with this post. Hope this clears everything for you. And again, more power to you and those with “alternative” povs have a lovely holiday! :-)

  14. This blog also inspires, makes me angry, and laugh. Just like my husand does. And on another note, I sleep with the boss EVERY NIGHT, he\’s my husband and we run a successful retail business together ;)

  15. swear some folks can be so simpple minded, if u need a blog to tell you how to live then u should have never been born. the blog has a picture of a married couple who met at work, it talks about how it used to be how women used to meet men, some ways you can negotiate if u do and why not to, live and let live.

  16. @Sandy NOT SURE WHERE I SAID I DISAGREED WITH THE POST BUT IT IS ON POINT. THESE ARE REASONS WHY SOME WOMEN SLEEP WITH THE BOSS. I AM VERY COMFORTABLE READING PERSPECTIVES THAT ARE DIFFERENT THAN MINE. THIS IS MY SECOND COMMENT THIS POST BROUGHT ME OUT THE WOOD WORK. THAT IS WHAT A BLOG IS SUPPOSED TO DO. I LOOKED OVER THE POSTS AND ALL THE “POSITIVE” ONES HAVE LITTLE OR NO COMMENTS. THIS POST ISN’T “NEGATIVE” JUST DIFFERENT.

    AS FAR AS BEING COLD? HMMM. THERE WERE SOME TENSE ONES LIKE THE MARRIED MEN POSTS THAT IS STIL GOING ON. BUT THAT IS OUR WORLD–THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE QUESTIONABLE. I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO FIND THAT ELSEWHERE.

    I CHECK THIS BLOG EVERYDAY. IT MAKES ME THINK. AND I HAVE ENOUGH THINKING TO DO FOR MY JOB. I AM GLAD FOR IT.

  17. I definitely can relate to both Marie & LPJ’s sentiments on this particular topic. I originally thought this blog was a fun and entertaining way of empowering black women to take positive control over relationships with themselves and other people. I stumbled across a few months ago when I first got engaged and, at the time, was immediately drawn to it because I loved the original theme of marriage promotion and articles about Michelle Obama and encouraging a little more softness and docility in black women while praising their independence & self-sufficient resilience. As of lately, however, I’m not so sure what to think anymore because the presentation of the alpha female has been more than just high achievement and success but to a more individualistic, cold-hearted woman that has no interest in marriage or family. If thats what someone wants more power to them, I was just initially under the guise that this blog was for the dominant professional woman that just also happened to be marriage-minded. I stand corrected.

  18. This is interesting! I never could have the nerve to do this. But it does happen. This is the real. Interesting to note what the pros are! Love Julie Chen. It’s funny how when men do things to get ahead it’s okay, but women must do things by the book…whatever.

  19. @Immaculate \”if you do your job well and your boss isn’t trying to get at you it’s likely because you’re not up to par physical. IMO.\”

    Dat is what I was thinking. If you are unattractive, overweight, or unappealing in any way, a boss (who is like any other man) will not try to get at you, most of these naysayers gotta be fugly. At every job I had I had some boss giving me the side eye.

  20. L.P.J.

    Ruthless and calculating makes it sound so dirty!

    I like to think of it more like honest and creative! It’s like the alpha female does the things that average woman thinks about but doesn’t have enough (balls) to actually do. Or she’s honest about the things that other women choose to deny, like for examlpe, dating a married man.

    I find it refreshing…

  21. ALLOW ME TO EXPOUND ON THIS. I’VE BEEN FOLLOWING THIS BLOG FOR SOME TIME NOW AND IT’S OBVIOUS TO ME THAT IT’S QUITE “ALTERNATIVE” IN ITS POINT OF VIEW AND CONTROVERSIAL. I DON’T AGREE WITH EVERYTHING.

    BUT I KEEP COMING BACK FOR THE OTHER STORY. I’M A CLINICAL PYSCHOLOGIST AND FROM WHAT I GATHER ALPHA FEMALES ARE QUITE RUTHLESS AND CALCULATING IN THEIR CLIMB OR [ASCENSCION] UP THE CORPORATE LADDER. I WOULDN’T PUT ANYTHING PASS THESE LADIES. THEY ARE INTRIGUING AND CONTROVERSIAL. ‘

    DEFINITELY NOT MEMBERS OF ANY FEMINIST GROUPS, LIKE NOW. THEY ARE THE ANTI-FEMINIST.

  22. If I were to ever consider sleeping with my boss it would be because I was actually attracted to him. I’m not knocking the hustle of sleeping with your boss for promotion sake but it’s just not for me.

    In my own personal opinion your boss falls into 1 of 3 categories. 1. He’s not into because his wife gets it in good or 2. He’s into and is waiting for the go ahead from you or 3. He’s not into you because you’re just not attractive. There’s nothing wrong with a smart, driven women. In fact most men find that sexy, so if you do your job well and your boss isn’t trying to get at you it’s likely because you’re not up to par physical. IMO.

  23. Hmmm. This is fairly balanced. It lists the pros and cons of having sex with the boss. What is the big deal? Evry woman has a right to decide how she will use her sexuality. It’s not just for birthing and feeding babies. Lots of women use sex to advance. Deal with it.

  24. Now only the high class, mmmmmmm… what is a polite word to use. Mmmmmmmmm….. Ok lets put it this way. LOL Women that sleep with their bosses for a promotion have traded the sidewalk for a carpet and water fountain.

    One more bump in the road of R-E-S-P-E-C-T for women.

  25. marie, girl calm down…as you know there’s always two sides to every story and here’s where you find it! LMAO…I am in the entertainment industry, i’m a publicist and I see this everyday. It is normal. People do not look DOWN on you. As long as you are coming up and not down. Sure it doesn’t do much for women’s lib and all that but it’s reality. It’s one of the reasons men hate women. If men could have sex for a promotion they’d do it too! I think this is a good way to see how the other side THINKS about sleeping with the boss. It isnt right or wrong. It just is.

  26. this is just terrible. i cannot stand behind this at all. when a woman has to be on her back, instead of her feet, to make moves in her career, it’s a sad day for progression.

  27. maryann, i love this blog, i adore it. but you are really, really pushing me away with this one. i have one reason for NOT sleeping with your boss that SHOULD ring through for all circumstances: dignity.
    Forget other women, how about being a role model for yourself. If you cannot look back on your life and say you achieved your goal on your own two feet, not on your back, what have you really achieved??
    Women who sex their way through their careers make it extra hard for others to respect another woman who got theirs LEGITIMATELY. You all give us a bad name. And if you need to sleep with the boss to make it, clearly you need to start all over again at McDonald’s. You should be able to stand on more than your sexuality. Use your mind instead of your vagina, for once!!!

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