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Is It Goal-Digging or Gold Digging?

Credit: skynesher

Credit: skynesher

A classic! Don’t you like the play on words?

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What’s wrong with liking a man with money?  Not for money, but with money.

It’s not normally something most women flaunt.  They’re afraid to admit it, but why.  Men have no problem admitting they want a beautiful woman.  We all know there is more to a person, but for the short answer we list the attribute that is the most tangible, and sometimes, hardest to find.

I remember having this discussion with a “friend”.  We were having drinks one night, and I said, and he admitted he liked men with money, too.  Then we both busted out laughing.  Of course he does, he explained. He’s an investment banker and needs men with money to stay in business.  No brainer, he understood.

He told me the only men who have a problem with women who value money are broke men or fear-based men.  Fear based men think women will use or abuse them.  They have no confidence on the other things they can bring to a relationship.  But that evening, there was no judgement.  It was simple.  It made sense.  On another note, I said it to someone else, who labeled it as golddigging, a very “civilian” type of response.

You may find that the more you reveal yourself the more you weed out the men/women who just aren’t for you, who don’t get you. What most women do is hide themselves, then complain. How can you get anything if you don’t let the world know you’d like it?  A woman wanting a man with money has her own goals and plans.  It’s smells like ambition.

This got me to thinking.  How much is “having money” anyway?  Just enough money to pay the bills and have leftover for a vacation and endless On Demand rentals?  Or just enough to buy property, and build a business? It’s all relative.

At the end of the day, a man who is kind, loving is so much more fun with a few million in the bank.  A woman who is kind, loving is so much more fun if she’s nice to look at, too. Now don’t get me started on the men who target women with money, their own cars, homes, apartments.  And you know what? Live and let live.  It’s human nature to want someone who has the same or just a little more.

22 COMMENTS

  • Maryann

    @Miss Andi K I am writing a blog about it for Tues, look for more details, then, in the meantime, these older women will know what you want from the gate. Once they find out that a woman is single, good looking, and STILL single, and are usually obliged to help, even if it’s with advice.

    I’d stay away from mothers of friends.

  • Miss Andi K.

    Thanks Maryann! I haven’t actually considered that one. I agree that Matchmakers can be very expensive, and sometimes difficult to work with.

    I have a few books that provide detailed advice on how to go about meeting wealthy men, but none suggested what you just said. What types of events would you suggest attending to meet these ‘lonely older women’? Also, do you find that they are put off by someone who is forward about information?

    I tend to be a very straightforward person, as I prefer to cut to the chase and spell out what it is that I want up front. I also want to mention that I have personally spoken with my college friends who are in the same boat, and it never fails that they magically start dating the very guy that I mentioned liking, so I am not so sure I can or should talk to them or their mothers.

  • Maryann

    @Miss Andi K it is a dilemma, professional matchmakers cost thousands, but if you can get with one that is only one option, the free route is befriending older, wealthy women, who are lonely and want companionship. You can find them at certain events, etc. They are usually able to introduce you to men in their circle, young and old. Of course, there is much more to this that I can blog about at some point, but it works. I had an older women friend who gave me loads of advice, couldn’t introduce because she became very sick, but it was a valuable connection.

    Lately, I’m starting to like the idea of women making more money then men. The woman has more independence and more control of the funds and how they are used. These women should choose smart, reliable men at most who are capable of producing on their own, but not nec the same, and can enhance, not only withdraw.

    Men are very valuable in so many ways.

    It’s really a lot easier than it seems.

  • Miss Andi K.

    ^ is there

  • Miss Andi K.

    Tia, I wholly concur. I am appalled and dismayed when I listen to men of my generation (mid-20’s) go on and on about how women that think like us are “gold-diggers”. I always tell them, “if I were a gold-digger, I wouldn’t even be TALKING to you right now.”

    That usually helps them to understand.

    How ironic is it that there is no negative label for men who intentionally choose women based on their looks. Hell, I’ve met some men who specify what race, body measurements, and height a woman must be/have before he will even take her on a date.

    I am an Ivy-League educated woman with an MA, who is considered to be VERY attractive. I come from a wealthy family, and have struggled with this dilemma my entire dating life. It is rare that I meet an eligible young man who comes from my socioeconomic background who is equally educated, but that also has the financial means/acumen to be marriage material. This has been a sobering reality that I may have to actually marry ‘down’.

    So, I wonder what answer there is for women in MY boat? I’ve definitely tried meeting men in a certain ‘pool’, and many of them are stuck on stupid, and/or seem to have strange and bizarre ideals of marriage altogether. I’ve even considered consulting a professional matchmaker. Any thoughts?

  • Tia

    I would not want to marry a man who isn’t financially stable or savvy. Nearly every culture in the world requires that a man PROVE that he is a capable provider before selecting a wife. So, suffice it to say, I like men with ‘potential’ but I need more than his sheer ability. I need evidence, or proof, of his ability to be a good provider. I want a man who has achieved a level of success already, so that I know that we aren’t starting from ground level.

    I have to think of myself and any future children I may have. I do have my own money, and a lot of skill in financial planning, so I’m not coming to any relationship as a destitute moocher. But make no mistakes: I don’t want someone who has less than I do, financially. I have no problem leaving ‘potential’ wherever I find it: those men should seek the women who want to struggle with them, because I am not that woman.

    Marriage is difficult enough-why would I go into it with someone who hasn’t proven that he has mastered the concepts of money, solvency, and prosperity? Monetary issues are the #1 cause of divorce, so why would I purposely choose someone who hasn’t proven that they are a good provider?

  • Lexi

    I like older men. I’ve always preferred guys that are older than myself. I’m don’t talking “daddy” old, but I like men around 7-11 years older than me. My current man is 9 years older and our age gap has yet to be an issue. One reason that I like men his age is that they are normally settled in their ways (good thing for me) and are ready to settle down. I plan on getting married within the next 4 years and I want a man that wants to settle down sooner than later. I’m 22 and a college student. Once I finish school, I’m opening my own business. Being that he’s a millionaire, it wouldn’t matter what I did if we got married because I still wouldn’t have to pay for anything.

    @ Tanisha

    Soooo, because a female isn’t on the same level financially as the males she dates/ is dating, that means she’s a gold digger??? You don’t say? Liking a man with money isn’t being a gold digger, wanting his money more than you want HIM would make a person a gold digger. Men should be able to tell who wants them for them as a whole and not just superficial things. When the money goes, will the honey stay? When my looks fade, will he upgrade? I only date men that love me from the inside out as I do them, with my broke self! Lol.

    Many of the gold diggers that I’ve ran across are in their mid-upper thirties with a decent paying career. Smart men know that just because she is making over 80k, doesn’t mean she isn’t after HIS bread too.

    Some of yall listen to too many of these “Miss Independent” songs. Smh.

  • Tanisha Ferguson

    There is definately nothing wrong with a woman liking a man with money. These days,men also like women with money who can take care of themselves or in other words don’t need them but want them; but let me add a broke woman who likes a man with money is simply a gold digger.

  • daphne

    If a man has at least those three qualities and treats me right, I have no problem helping him get where he needs to be.

    This sounds very romantic, but for me, the truth is……if a man needs MY help getting to where he needs to be, then he’s not the man for me. Encouragement is certainly a type of support, but a man should have inner drive, ambition to accomplish what he sets out to do whether or not I’m in the picture. Frankly, if you’re a certain age, and all you have is “potential,” that’s a problem. Potential is inconsequential without action, without a plan. Hell, everyone has “potential” for something, and having it doesn’t make anyone special. I think real men know this, which is why they are action-oriented, and don’t need a woman guiding their path.

  • mike

    @ms_missy2…Are you available? Finally a real women speaks!! Holla!!

  • ms_missy2

    I have to agree with Mike, I am considered very attractive by most, short, petite and can be very sweet. I seek an ambitious man, intrigue my mind,stimulate my soul. If a man has at least those three qualities and treats me right, I have no problem helping him get where he needs to be. Bonnie and Clyde. (nothing illegal) I have his back and he has mine. I would never settle for a man that cried and looked at every receipt when are out. I have no problems picking up the tab…If he worries more about his money than about me, we have no foundation and he\’s temporary anyway, so I can\’t allow him to waste my time, or my space, when there is someone just as ambitious as me and he looks forward to coming home everyday, rather coming home to hands open up like a cup everyday, and mouth, attitude and headaches forever how long it may lasts. I am not broke, like most wealthy people I seek quality not quantity… So for me it\’s GOAL DIGGER…. Get Your Values right, you\’ll live longer, happier and healthier…

  • Gladys

    @Mike
    If you choose carefully, you won’t have a need to worry about the child support part of things. You have to choose a woman who has the same goals as you or she can take you down (love you all ladies). She has to have a progressive mind.

  • mike

    I am in no way the voice for “broke men”. I am not wealthy but I do quite ok. Am I worthy of a great women, who loves me for me, is willing to acheive wealth and affluence with me,and build our empire together? Or should I build it on my own, then chose one of these diggers to give half and the house and primary custody of the kids to should things not work out? Here lies the un-balance. This senario is ok for the diggers. I make great money, own a few things, and I’m willing to share with the women who sees past what I have, and focuses on what we can have together. She brings more than her ability to bare children (taking nothing away from that amazing gift) and her looks. This would be my utopia.

  • James

    @THC WOW!

  • Zabeth

    @ Jamie- I completely agree. I’ll stop concerning myself with how much men make when they stop concerning themselves with the way I look.

    Mike: “I think then it would be feasable for a women who has achieved a certain amount of success to want a mate whom is comparable. But the notion that a woman should pursue weathy men based on what the man has acheived is….un-balanced.”

    I think male and female mate preferences are largely biological and have been that way since the beginning of time and are even present in the rest of the animal kingdom (i.e the lioness chooses the strongest, most alpha male with the darkest mane to mate with as this ensures the continuation of the pride and species).

    Men like pretty women because it implies that they are healthy enough to “carry the seed” and have healthy, stable children (thus ensuring the continuation of the “pride”). Women prefer successful men with means because we have the babies- if I’m going to be pregnant for 9 months and bare most of the burden of caring for that child. I need to have support (both financial and emotional) in order to raise a healthy, stable child. I’m less likely to accomplish that goal with a broke man; want evidence of that, take a look around.

    Maybe that’s unbalanced, but most things in the world aren’t balanced.

  • mike

    Women whom value money should get their OWN. To bad he left that out of an otherwise rewarding conversation.

  • Zabeth

    “He told me the only men who have a problem with women who value of money are broke men or fear-based men. ”

    My sentiments exactly.

  • mike

    It is great to have a open discussion about this subject. I tend to believe “being of african american decent” that If we pursue mates whom have the “potencial” to acheive millions it would be more rewarding and ok to have a sense of entitlement. You can play a role in the acomplishment together. That way those millions will be just as much yours as his. You should want to be beautiful regardless if your man is wealthy or not. Many millionares have married women whom were not concidered beautiful. To make it an open objective makes the pursuit shallow. Usually the women who happen to get this man usually werent hunting for him. They happen to be at the right place at the right time, with the right mentality. I know….totally un-alpha.

  • The Hooker Chronicles

    I love my wealthier Republican clients. They give me SO much game when it comes to getting this money out here with no apologies. They give me the game on Tax laws, investments, IRA’s, 401 K’s, stocks, mutual funds, and all the other shit you just can’t get from men who continuously struggle financially. I like being able to discuss my trips to Paris, Prague, and London with men who’s been there.

    Wealthy men live a totally different existence, and I want to be part of that…..

  • Jamie

    @mike When men start looking at women for other than their physical assets, we will consider overlooking a man’s assets. No one is saying that men should change their preferences, why should women? And who is to say that these women aren’t trying to make their own millions? Women with miliions still want a man with as much or more. Very few settle. That’s why they have good prenups.

  • mike

    I wonder why we dont inspire women to make their own millions? I think then it would be feasable for a women who has achieved a certain amount of success to want a mate whom is comparable. But the notion that a woman should pursue weathy men based on what the man has acheived is….un-balanced. In many ways this female “alpha” perspective is loudly selfish. You problably wont publish this but I challenge you to get the feed back from your viewers on the subject. I think a few might agree.

  • Gladys

    I want a man that is successful at what he does, which usually equates to having money for the family expenses and some to spare. With our salaries put together, we should be able to afford a good vacation. When I think about a house I want it simple I want either one of our salaries to cover the full mortgage expenses.

    I don\’t value material things. I want to be able to join Doctors without Boarders (as a counselor) and spend a few months a year helping in whatever capacity I can. So my husband and I are going to have to be very comfortable.

    No need to Gold-jig, just goal-dig

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