“Watch Your Mouth…”

Think Before You Open Your Mouth...
Think Before You Open Your Mouth...

Do you have one way you speak to everyone?  Does your voice “sound” a certain way?  I hope not.

Most of the opportunities and people miss out on have to do with the way they said something, not exactly what was said.  You know that dreaded feeling: replaying for hours the words that came out of your mouth.

Some ethnicities are stereotyped with “sounding” a certain way.  You don’t want to get sucked into that vortex.

You should have various “voices” or tones for different objectives.  Unfortunately, there are those that can’t change their tone if their life depended on it.  But if you can read up on auto-suggestion.  There are many aspects of it, but one is that it changes what the other person thinks or acts like.  There have been many times I’ve said “sharp” remarks that come off buttery sweet and not phony.  People actually listen and do not get defensive.  It has a lot to do with delegating your emotions.

For instance, two people have the same request of their boss.  But based on the tone, one of the requests receives a different response.  Likeability factors play in, but essentially on likeability falls on how I person perceives you, and of course, that falls on the “tone” you take with them.  But let me stay on point here.  In life there will be times you will have to ask questions or make statements that are uncomfortable, bold, unfavorable and unpopular.  You just don’t come out and “speak your mind”.  You speak your tone.   Famous women have used their tone to their advantage, Marilyn Monroe being one of them.

Was on a relationship blog the other day, and she gave some great examples I’d like to use here.  Hers was more focuses on romantic aspects and talking to your man, but I believe you can use it anywhere–work, interviews, friends, etc.  When with your man, everything doesn’t have to be baby-talk all the time.  These are different “tones” of the same request:

“Please wash the dishes” (Look, bitch, wash the dishes or I will cut you)
“Please wash the dishes” ( Baby, I would really appreciate it if you wash the dishes)
“Please wash the dishes” (What the hell have you been doing all day, being lazy as usual?)
“Please wash the dishes” (I’ve had a long day and can’t find the energy, can you please wash the dishes?)
“Please wash the dishes” (WASH THE F*CKING DISHES)
“Please wash the dishes” (Oh, I can’t wait for you to wash the dishes so I can take you into the back and get nooky.)
“Please wash the dishes” (Oh the poor little baby waby didn’t wash the little wittle dishes)

In life there will be times you will have to ask questions or make statements that are uncomfortable, bold, unfavorable and unpopular.  You just don’t come out and “speak your mind”.  An alphanista speaks her tone and shifts when appropriate to reach her objective.  If you don’t have one, practice in the mirror and notice how your face changes, you even look better when you sound better. Now, that I’ve discussed the what aspects, we will be discussing this more in upcoming Inner Circle topics and exactly how and what to do with it.

If you found that your tone works for or against you, please do share..

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  1. Victoria says:

    This is the truth! Lord knows my tone is not the best because I have ‘one of those’ voices that even cost me a job!

  2. TheBoss says:

    But I like the examples too what a difference tone makes…WASH THE DISHES…LOL…I use just 1 tone with that all the time! My bad…

  3. TheBoss says:

    I don’t know about this because it seems like I can’t be myself. I have to be myself.

  4. doreen says:

    This is so true! I do this with my boss right now lol. I need days off or special requests from him to sign off on stuff for me and he does it! There’s another assistant he makes go all over and find what she needs and bring it back and then makes her wait like weeks for a response. She is so brash. This works.

  5. James says:

    sad that this is a problem alot of black women seem to have that they talk the same way to everyone using the same tone …..

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