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Tip 20: How To Be An Alphanista

dorothy_dandridge_bw_headshot

Dorothy Dandridge with an "alpha" 'tude pose

“It’s better to be alone, than lonely.”–Anonymous

Mary J Blige.  Marilyn Monroe.  Angelina Jolie.  Frida Kahlo. Dorothy Dandridge.

These alphas had (or have!) the world at their finger tips.  Crowds of fans, admirers, and well wishers.  But one of their most common complaints was loneliness.  This is far more complicated than being alone.  Loneliness is a feeling.  It usually resembles depression, helplessness, isolation and abandonment.  You can be in a crowded room and still feel lonely.  You can be a happily married man and still feel lonely.  No one can “fix” this feeling for you.  Only you can shift it from loneliness to fulfillment.

Certain personality types are more inclined to feeling lonely no matter what.  When this lonely feeling comes, the knee jerk reaction is to avoid it, take the feeling and replace it with something else—or someone else.  There’s a need to avoid it, run from it, and get angry at it.  But what about just sitting with it?  That deep, lonely, nagging feeling that looms over you all day, sometimes, all week.  It makes you cry, and feel out of control, and terribly insecure.  But what about inviting it in?   Getting to understand what it is telling you?

As an Alphanista, you need to embrace all parts of yourself—the sad, troublesome parts too.  These parts, the lonely feelings are there to protect you.  They have worked in your favor before.  Perhaps, at one time, it kept you from getting your heart broken by making you withdraw from someone, or it gives you the time to reflect on often ignored and unsorted feelings that when given the time can cause a shift in your perception about life.

So, next time you feel lonely.  Soak in it with generative tools like: reading, prayer, sleep, or simply coddling yourself.  This too shall pass.

7 COMMENTS

  • Sophie

    All so true! We are the only ones who can decide to heal loneliness into joy and bliss. I love how you approach it so honestly!

  • Amoye

    To whom much is given, much is required. This is the life story of an alphanista.

    Powerful article.

    Thank you 🙂

  • goldie

    Sometimes, the risk I take causes me to isolate myself. I get afraid and i retract my actions if possible. This is good! Actually great! I needed to hear this. I’m not always going to have people on my level or on my team.
    There’s so many things I’ve wanted to do but I see myself, by myself on half of the ventures. I’ll def be praying or meditating on my decisions.

  • Maryann

    This post is very dear to me too. Glad I understand now and will remind myself.

  • Aisha

    I too often feel lonely. Its hard being an alpha sometimes, a lot of people just don’t get you and therefore you may find yourself alone, lonely and/or on the outside often times. I have recently come to terms with it and know that its okay. Its not easy but I figure its an opportunity to catch up on rest, and continue my planning for world domination LOL j/k.

    Another great post Maryann. I love how you give a voice to the ladies who are not afraid to think differently and want more, the alpha. Its nice to know that I’m not the only one who feels the way that I do in this big world. Makes me feel just a little less alone, thanks!

  • Renee

    This is a great article. Often I feel lonely but not because I don’t have friends, but because the ones that I have don’t always relate to me or my mindset. They just don’t get “it” and most like to be surrounded by groups, fawn over men and gossip, etc. Finding Alphanista has made me realize that there are other women with feeling just like mine.

    Thanks for this Maryann.
    🙂

  • missing_pieces

    “Perhaps, at one time, it kept you from getting your heart broken by making you withdraw from someone, or it gives you the time to reflect on often ignored and unsorted feelings that when given the time can cause a shift in your perception about life.”

    This is EXACTLY where I’m at right now.

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