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Weekend Rewind: Tip 16: How To Be An Alphanista

silence2“The power of silence….is power'”

In a previous a tip, I wrote about how alpha females are rarely ever prone to emotional outbursts and don’t respect women who are.

So, how does one react when trouble’s brewing or when you found out you’ve been lied to?  What should be the fist reaction?

Well, let’s look at the typical female reaction–tears, defensiveness, yells, funny mean faces, finger swirling and pointing at inanimate objects, and lots of heavy breathing.

Breathing is good.  But the rest, not so much.  There’s a 50% chance that all the fuss you created was because of nothing, some miscommunication that can get cleared up in a matter of hours, and you’re going to back together–anyway.

The best approach is one of silence.  This works.  Especially if the other party is in the wrong, you are the so-called victim.   Either way, victim or not silence is deadlier than a rant.   When someone is silent you don’t know what they are thinking.   It’s frustrating, brutal, like a heavy monkey on your back that weighs you down and suffocates you.  Now, how can you do this in the midst of debacle?

Walk out, walk away, hang up (say bye first), and just take a breath.  No one said, you have to have an answer right then or there, or solve the problem at that moment.  You have a chance to calm down, assess the best action, and then strike, preferably in a way that makes sense.  Unfortunately, angry women aren’t known to be logical.  But logic is an Alphanista’s best skill.

Gabrielle, an associate of mine, was born an alpha female.  She confided in me about the day she found out that her husband was still talking to his ex-wife.  It was a morning where the proof was right there.  She approached him, and he asked her, “What are you going to do about it?”  She was furious, but she didn’t ball.  She gathered some things and drove to a friend’s house and assessed the situation. She told me she shouted and cussed in her car, but wasn’t going to end it that way.  Suddenly her husband’s bravado tone changed.  Everyday, he called her repeatedly apologetic.   He met her everyday at the school where she picked up the kids.  Again, silence.  He broke down after the first week, and confessed.  He said he had to know what she was thinking.  They had a long talk.  They hadn’t had sex in 3 years.  They were on the verge of divorce.  Once all the feelings, truths and facts were out they made the best decision for themselves.

If she had done anything else, it’s possible the cops could have been called, or worse.  Gabrielle is a hot-headed Italian girl with a temper she’s fought all her life to control.

Alphanistas cry and all of that but when she does it’s for good reason.  It’s not used for manipulation.  It’s also not “get out of my face-I-hate you” angry tears.    But it’s s deep burn.  When the other party sees it, they’ll know it’s rare and it’s possible the relationship or association is destroyed for good.

This is realistic.  Silence in most common disagreements allows you to make informed decisions and stick to them.  Silence is golden, yeah, but your cheapest weapon, too.

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12 COMMENTS

  • Maryann

    Welcome to the “Circle”. So much more where this came from 🙂

  • Leverett

    You’ve said a mouthful in this post and I’m SOOOOO GLAD I’ve signed up for your classes! Believe it or not? I thought Alpha females screamed, hectored, and said ANYTHING THEY WANTED WHEN THEY WANTED. I’d always considered myself more Beta than Alpha, because of my ability to do the Ice Princess/Silent thing. I’ve since learned that I may not be a full Alpha female, but I DEFINITELY see how those who go UTTERLY OFF on folks are NOT effective (save on the reality show, Bridezillas). Good stuff; thanks for this post!

  • EbonyLolita

    @Julie I agree w/ you on that. The closer I get to 30 is the better that I’ve become at silence. My ex received 10mo of silence before i chose to speak w/ him about his cheating. During that 10mo I refuses to text/email/call/or answer any communication from him. When I was ready I told him how it was going down. Expressed myself w/o using my service weapon and had him drop me right back home. He was begging and pleading b/c he missed what was gone 10mo prior. He also expected for me to gun butt him and rant&rave. Silence is Golden and a Steady Word/Mind is more powerful then any bullet. Great Post
    Love,
    EbonyLolita 😉

  • Maryann

    @tender I like how u put that!

  • tender

    Silence is the LAST thing you want from me. Which is why it’s my FIRST resort!

  • Kris

    My man and I slowed things down. I had to revaluate the situation and keep my cool. He did break everything down and told me what was up with him and why he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I wasn’t mad at him. I just looked at everything from a different perspective and decided to draw back. Now we are still talking, but I am being distant. There is a method to my madness….haha!

  • Nikki

    This is a tough one, Lesson in self control. My white boyfriend has really taught me how to do this I was hot head.

  • Denise

    Get out of my head, I don’t know no better!

  • James

    I had a chick pull this on me before, let’s just say it didn’t end well. She got her way lol.

  • Maryann

    @Dee ..I will write another post soon about that!

  • Dee

    Oh hello no I am kicking somebody ass! Let me find out….

  • julie

    I didn’t know how to do this until I turn 30. My twenties were all about rages, fights, tears, drama, and nobody winning a damn thing. It was just for nothing. I too have a temper, and with my current man our relationship is so much closer now. He is the one who taught me about silence. He’s like “You don’t always gotta answer back”. Then he played that silent thing with me a few times, I nearly went crazy and was all jumpy and nervous because I didn’t know if he was going to leave me, curse me out, or poison me! LOL. Thank God I’m nmore self controlled right now and we can take our time and work it out and still respect each other space and time no matter how mad I am I don’t need to exasperate it by being a predictable angry woman. I gotta take care of my mental game.

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