Tip 12: How To Be An Alpha Female

A young Benazir Bhutto with the world on her shoulders, she became the first female Prime Minister in the Muslim World
A young Benazir Bhutto with the world on her shoulders, she became the first female Prime Minister in the Muslim World

“And alpha female needs proper feeding and stimulation…to feed herself nourishing thoughts and self-parent in a way that allows her to accept her feelings, not criticize them.  If not, she is easily prone to depression and tribulation because of the high value she places on winning at all costs and her desire for unmeasured achievement….”

Alphanista.com’s original dedication is below:

This is dedicated to the ALPHA FEMALES of the world–Me, Anna Wintour, Oprah, Martha Stewart, Hillary Clinton, Kimora Lee Simmons, Carly Fiorina (CEO of Hewlett Packard), Michelle Obama, Marilyn Monroe (it’s complicated, but yes), Margaret Thatcher, the late Benazir Bhutto, etc.–women who live life by their own rules, very few approved by Emily Post.

At least half of the women on the list experienced some kind of downward spiral, depressed state in their life that nearly crippled them.  Several of them have been in jail.

Former Prime Minister of Pakistan Benazir Bhutto was jailed for years and exiled from her own country and later became prime minister to be assassinated.  Marilyn Monroe, who committed suicide, was an alpha female of her generation, going where no woman dared to in sexuality, provocativeness, quick wit, and breaking barriers.

The way an alpha female combats her depression depends on her internal beliefs.   She’s also less likely to ask for help because of her will to appear unscathed to others. She rarely finds people to help her, because they are relying on her. As a typical alpha, it takes quite a big-deal disappointment to break her compared to her beta counterpart.   When it does, she’s like another person.   She is either born or dies.  Depends how you look at it.  Women like Bhutto were born under conflict.

That is why it’s so important that she carve out her own “nurturing nook” with close friends/family, books, a stiff drink of choice, a beautifully decorated bathroom with the perfect tub for a soak, or simple prayer.   If she could only slow down at times.  An alpha female raises the stakes in her life with each success.   Where yours is 100, hers is 1000, sometimes, a generation of women, or even a country rely on her.  She’s usually what many call “lucky” and when the luck dries up, it can be a long climb back up the ladder, if she makes it.

When she does, she’ll be a legend in her own mind, or in yours.  How are you nurturing yourself to get to that next level?  I hope you are.


  1. missing_pieces says:

    Thank you for this, I am in a situation similar to what you described- I am in an EXTREMELY TRANSITIONAL PHASE in my life and am considering a very bold move. I’m actually feeling very C**T right now, and I need a lot of alone time to deal with some past issues. I feel like a stranger to myself which is something I don’t like but it could be some type of breakthrough- IDK. Thanks for this post Maryann.

  2. Maryann says:

    LOL @Kim i need more nurturing nooks—i have my red armchair, an altar in my bedroom, but could use more reading time, that’s free food for the soul.

  3. Kim says:

    I have my own business and it ain’t easy because I treat my patients, do the billing, medical reports, scheduling, laundry, cleaning, book keeping, marketing, and payroll and it is a one man show for the very most part……and that’s just work. I rarely ask for help and I sometimes get a little down because I see myself giving to others so much but it’s not reciprocal but I understand why. I come off as “I got it” or “no, thank you” or “girl, I’ve been doing this for three years by myself”. I just got it under control and everyone see’s that I do so they are like, “she’s okay, she doesn’t need my help”. But I know that everyhting that I do is helping people and that is a God like duty that I try to fulfill. I know that He is pleased when I help others. I do have “nurturing nooks” with my sisters once a week for happy hour, my man, reading, scrapbooking, talking to my mom everyday, etc…….without my “nooks”, I would be a hot mess!

  4. Oh YES,

    Some of the best alpha females in history were depressed and tourtured souls. Frida Kahlo and Dorothy Dandridge comes to mind.

    Well maybe not Dorothy. (I revoked her alpha card once I read the book about her)

  5. Boss says:

    You know funny u bring this up right now because I have been in a dump or “depression” for almost a year, i always want to have the things I need to make me feel better but I am so in my head its hard to want to feel good. Lately, I started a little altar in my office (i’m an executive VP of a major makeup company]. It is hella stressful and its not like I have friends at the office, it has really helped me focus on me, even if its just taking 10 minutes to breathe and write here with bad grammar and all and not freak out. LOL. Thanks.

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