Let’s face it lots of people are struggling right now, but not everyone. I once heard a man say: “A woman should never be broke”.
Huh? Well, if you think about it, it does make some sense. He was pointing out that a woman will always have something a man will pay for or a woman is more likely to get financial help than a man. So, let’s look at this.
It all brings up the question of whether it’s okay to have sex for money. Not in a street walking kind of way, but in a sort of arrangement. Follow me. Benefactor. Sponsor. Sugardaddy. Are women who choose these relationships, bad? They say that they want to have a monetary exchange for their time with a well-paid, damn it, rich man. But it’s not prostitution because it’s more than sex but a business arrangement.
For instance, the typical sugar daddy relationship is one where a very wealthy, rich, or influential man “takes care of” the needs of a young, beautiful, ambitious girl who “takes cares of” him. Some of these relationships are successful, many aren’t. However, in one that I am privy to, the sugar baby ended up saving all the stacks her sugar daddy gave her and owns several turn-key businesses that she bought with his additional help. He, in turn, received good sex, companionship, and no headaches. Also, he enjoyed helping her. It took them 3 months, a trip to Tahiti, before they even had sex (in Tahiti). This isn’t typical but it happens.
So, are women bad who do this? What about women who have sex to make a man commit to them? What about women who sleep around with no clear objectives but “having fun”? In the sugar daddy/baby case it is “arranged”, it is expected so there’s very little surprises about expectations. There are actually sites for women who want this type of lifestyle. One is called www.seekingarrangment.com where they claim to verify that a man is indeed high net worth. Check out this video I got from their blog and what this chick says. I like the name of her book if anything, GOAL DIGGER…LMAO.
90% of people will tell you this is bad because 1) they never had the guts 2) they never will 3) the only thing they got to bargain that anyone would want is a $10 Starbucks card. If you look closely, at the end of the day, most people are seeking arrangements with their heart or wallets.
(Next scheduled post at 2:30p)
My grandmother always told me a woman cant come out of the “gutter” in the same condition that a man can coming from that same “gutter”. Good or bad?? *eyebrow up It’s not for me to judge. I’m just sayin…
This is an interesting post, as I think a number of women have sugar daddies, but don’t want to be called prostitutes. When, at the end of the day, as THC stated, it really is the same thing, just a matter of semantics.
Where I think women get tripped up is when they end up wanting more than just the arrangement (or they wanted more all along, and pretended otherwise), and want to act like Boo Boo the Fool when the man isn’t interested. I’ve known a few women who got all bitter when the arrangement didn’t turn into the long-term commitment or marriage they really wanted, and then proceeded to call the man all kinds of names because he opted not to cooperate. Word?
I’ll never understand why a woman operates like a hooker, then gets angry when she’s referred to as a whore. Um, if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck…..
If you want to go the sugarbaby route, it would be wise to become impervious to real or perceived insults. Look, it is what is – American society has a certain view of women who engage in prostitution, in whatever form. Depending on your social circle, your reputation is also at stake. Choosing to operate outside of that norm has social consequences, right or wrong, so no need to clutch the pearls when people call you out of your name. Suck it up. After all, you’re getting paid, so what difference does it make? As long as your eyes are wide open going in, that’s your business, as far as I’m concerned.
Dang! Folks dont even know how to act, it seems like men get all tense about women using their sexuality as they see fit.
I dont like editing comments, but saying vicious or vindictive things to a poster is not cool.
The Black One…
Phew, Thank God I made it to 32 and still remained a success! And unlike the regular world, Im on retirement mode by 40, so PLEASE don’t worry about little ole me!
@attheblack one you sound like a very angry black man, so sad…
LOL! Hey it’s all good till that ass is old and raisiny! So sell that ass till no one wants it anymore or until it’s expired(rotten crotch) but just do something with your dough! Once you get about 29 you stock will drop. Good Luck!
Society that teaches us that a good man takes (financial) care of his woman. That same society condemns a woman for receiving money for performing the same services a girlfriend or wife does. Go figure! Point blank, men will always pay (in some form) for a woman’s time, attention, etc. Whether you get your money up front or afterward is your business. In all honestly, the only difference is what you call it.
I think women nowadays have lowered the bar when it comes to respect. We give of ourselves too fast and too freely. No sense of self-worth. My aunt use to say “Don’t ever let a man visit you empty handed.” For some reason we feel bad for wanting to date and/or marry a rich man. Why? Who made this rule? I don’t support prostitution but at least they have enough common sense to know they provide something of value. Chicks just let dudes do whatever, and receive nothing in value in return. I ain’t a trampoline and you ain’t Tigger so I’m cool on that.
Realtruth…
The #1 misconception of a “working girl” is that we are these lonely desperate souls destined to wonder the earth alone. NOT! Contrary to popular belief we are just regular women, with regular lives, regular responsibilities, regular families, and YES regular husbands and boyfriends.
This is what happens when your on the outside looking in on our world. You see this industry from a media standpoint, and we all know what the media thinks about this lifestyle.
Now I can’t speak on being a sugar baby because that is out of my realm of knowledge, but I can tell you with much confidence…
There is absolutely NOTHING lonely about my personal life! NOTHING!
@THC
I’m not knocking your hustle – I too think you have the better arrangement. I didn’t mean to “kick rocks” totally and I believe the courtesan relationship can last for years but as you said – you don’t have to check in or cook and clean – which is what I meant.
I just love that phrase!
This is funny stuff. I’m laughing myself silly. To me, and this is just to me, most if not all women who sell themselves (in whatever form) have missed the boat. It’s all good until you need someone. And in this life, at some point, you will need someone. Money wont do it, your friends can’t do it, you need someone who actually cares for and about you on a relationship level. I don’t know how many sugar daddies are there to help should their “sugar babbies” get sick. I’m sure there are cats out there who are paying for chicks, and actually care for them… God did’nt give the same amount of sense to all of us. Such types are few and far between, most cats are paying to use you, and this is realized when a “Courtesan” is alone, in a desperate situation, needs help and HAS to call one of their Daddy’s to hear “This isn’t the arrangement, Don’t call me”. Oh to be a fly on the wall watching that reality check…
Brian…
It’s funny that you say that Courtesans are paid to, as you so eloquently call it “kick rocks”. But Contrary to popular belief, they too pay us to stick around. That’s why I’ve had the same clientele for 5+ years, and luckily for me, I don’t have to check in or cook and clean for them.
Just my opinion, but I have the better arrangement…
Don’t get it twisted. All men pay for sex. It is the universal arrangement. I don’t care what type of “relationship” you call it.
The only difference between your traditional one-on-one relationship (dating, marriage, etc) and one with an escort or suga-baby is your responsibility to the partner.
In a traditional relationship men are paying for you to stick around. You have a responsibility to let them know where your are, where you are going, to be home at a certain time, to “check in,” and to spend quality time. For this, the man spends money buying dinners, paying rent, mortgages, buying grocries, paying for the light, gas, etc – now he may only have to pay half of some of that stuff – but he is still paying, both with cash and with emotions.
On the flip side, in the suga-daddy version, men are paying for your discretion. Basically for you to stay away after the bump and grind, or dinner, or shopping or whatever time you spend together is done. You can use that money for your rent, mortgage, gas, cable…whatever, he doesn’t care – just don’t call at 2am or acknowledge him on the street when he walking with his main squeeze.
So to keep it simple, after the sex: wives are paid to stick around, courtesans are paid to kick rocks.
The game is the game. You call it whatever you wish however you are still playing the game just with different rules and understandings.
Umm… wow. This conversation is really taking it there. Well, I for one try not to judge ( sometimes I have knee jerk reactions to situations) but this one I really had to think before I speak. You see, I want to marry a wealthy man, this is no maybe for me. I need to be with someone who is well off financially so they can teach me how to become wealthy- get me? Two broke asses in a relationship just makes no sense to me. I know I will eventually attain my own wealth over time but like others have said, times are hard. Don’t get me wrong, I want to marry for love- but like regular grown ass people situations- love comes with conditions (I’m just being real).
THC, Nikki, I can’t knock your hustle because who knows how you got to be in the situations you’re in. Secondly, a marriage is just another arrangement, but a legal one. Like I said, I’m really trying not to judge but some women take being courtesans (nice term by the way) to the extreme. They don’t just see one man, they have several, they get greedy- they put all their hopes and dreams in men (pimps) who are really just using them until they are bled dry then dumped for the latest model (just like a car).
If you want to play that game, have a strategy that will put you in a better position then what you came in with; because nothing last forever.
Nikki..
This is by no means an insult to you, but your type of arrangement is typical for us call-girls and escorts.
We meet wealthy men, we’re taken out to dinner, we’re brought flowers, candy, jewelry, we travel with them all over the country (and sometimes the world), and we do this in exchange for financial support.
My clients don’t deposit money into my account, but they hand me big fat envelopes filled with cash. It’s all the same!
You all done took the convo to another place! Basically I can speak on this. I am a sugar baby. I met someone online and we went out a few times, I told him my monthly allowance, we negotiated, He takes me out, we do get intimate sometimes, but I am by no means obligated (like a prostitute) and we go about our business. He deposits money in my acct on a regular basis. All it takes is a phone call and he is there for me.
Before him I was down, no lights, nothing lost my job. Whoever said you can find other means NEVA been REALLY broke ass. When you really broke you do things like this. I am intelligent and just needed a hand.
I have been in this kind of relationhip for 3 months so far, it is my first and I am addicted.
Great post and good topic. However, in my mind a man is always paying for sex until he falls in love. Either you are paying with money, with your time which is equal to money or with both. It does not matter if she a professional hoe or a good/regular girl as a man you are still paying until you reach a certain point in your relationship with a good girl. Furthermore, I don’t think its a bad things its just the truth and part of the game. Furthermore, I agree with THC, both are the same in my mind. Hookers are blunt money for sex which work for both parties since you only lose out on money. Gold diggers may not work the corner but they do they same thing but they require money and time but in more relationship type manner.
To Nikki…
You just gave a portion of the definition of a “Prostitute”.
“A relationship based on finances and agreement”
Is this not correct?
And no matter what you think about the industry or the arrangement, it is what it is!
The only difference between the two is we have the balls to call it what it is!
@THC how can u say that it’ the same as prositution?? It is a relationship based on finances and agreement, it is not just based on a 2 hour blow job. U need 2 clarify. It’s a shame that people try to bring everyone down to the bottom level where there are many levels in life. I doubt Baker would had considered herself a prostitute.
OMG You Done gave away my site, u wrong for this Maryann, just wrong! LOL
On Balleralert.com, they said the price of coochie has plummeted due to the depression- Too much cooch for sale in this current market resulting in women having to drop their prices.
Personally, not interested, I’ve seen to many negative long term effects & I was taught to use alternative methods to attain what I want out of life.
I’ve been in the sex trade industry for years, and YES keeping a sugar daddy is a form of prostitution. I think society and the media has made women feel guilty about this financial transaction, which has gone on for Centuries.
Many famous actresses from Josephine Baker to Gretta Garbo were Courtesans (prostitutes) and were “kept women”. Even Maye West made a movie in 1934 where she played a “kept woman” who had many suitors or as you call them (sugar daddies)