Weekend Rewind: The Big, Bad Alpha Male

Checking her alpha male, it happens
Checking her alpha male, it happens

This is a not-so oldie but still a classic!  Enjoy!


We sing the praises of the alpha male all the time, but where there is light, there is darkness.

The Alpha male is a complicated creature.  They make the best husbands and the worst husbands all in one.  They’re the worst and the best of CEOS.  We love the alpha male because he is rare.  He represents the strongest part of the male species in the animal world, including ours.

He’s protective, successful, a motivator, a leader of the pack, a man amongst men, and so on.  He’s rare.  It’s rare when a man can encompass all these things and still be admired, and not envied.  There’s envy yes, but there’s always a thread of “I wish that was me”.  That is what alpha males do to  other males, make them feel inadequate, angry and displaced.

But the alpha male has secrets, complexities like the alpha female.  He’s not perfect, nor does he want to be.  He likes being the lone wolf.  The list below is about uber-alphas, and does not mean all alphas.   There’s a saying: Be careful what you ask for.  When you get an alpha male, you get the best pickings, but you get the thorns of the rose, too.  Watch yourself.  These men can make you and break you:

1.    An alpha male is continuously being tested to keep his “top dog” status and often deals with this through calculating, manipulative, and dismissive behavior at work, and sometimes at home

2.    An alpha male has a hard time compromising which can lessen his chances of keeping a woman.  If he compromises, it’s usually with a woman he trusts and values her judgement, a rare experience for the alpha male, and he’ll do what he has to, but it’s rare!

3.    An alpha male can be quiet and low key, easy to take it for disinterest; he’s contemplative and will ignore you

4.    An alpha male can be very critical if you don’t live up to his alpha standards, often berating you, to be with an alpha male you have to be poised woman who understands his criticism is really “constructive” (alpha males need to be “checked” now and again but it  takes a certain alpha female counterpart to avoid the tongue lashing that can follow)

5.    An alpha male has some serious secrets, definitely look into his family and past associations, there could be a body somewhere

There’s more but this is a good start.   Most of the great geniuses of the world Einsten, Da Vinci and so on had major vices–women, alcohol, and the like.   It happens.  Finding an alpha male who has some beta qualities like sensitivity and good listening skills doesn’t hurt.  But remember, the more alpha he is, the more alpha you have to be.  Alpha men leave beta women all the time because they can.  When an alpha female is his woman it becomes complicated and convulated.  When it’s time to leave, he’s going to forget what the problem was in the first place.  Do you think Bill Clinton is still with Hillary just for the love?  No.

Without further ado, bait and reel your alpha in–if you dare.


  1. Camilla says:

    1. An alpha male is continuously being tested to keep his “top dog” status and often deals with this through calculating, manipulative, and dismissive behavior at work, and sometimes at home

    -Is the Alpha female also continuously tested at work?

  2. Maryann says:

    alpha males nurture, while other types control and confine, alpha males help others rise and hold their spouses in esteem, and they do not verbally abuse, they are not reckless, impulsive, or reactionary, they do not flee and are rocks to their wives, their steadiness is very addictive, they provide shade like the oak, alpha males are so misunderstood

  3. SherryBerry hit the nail on the head. I am an alpha male, very precise, calculated, and very anal. However keeping your/my cool is the most important thing that DEFINES me as the leader of the pack. I am a married man and how would my family react to me cursing out my wife? Or how would that make my wife feel that I treat her like anything less than my life partner and queen? An alpha man is a leader and therefore must life people up. They may feel like they are being given the white glove test at all times but that is to raise them up and make them stronger not cut them down and belittle them. I want all you ladies to know that ABUSE, verbal and physical alike, is out right violence and violence is NOT a quality of an alpha male.

  4. Kris says:

    My alpha man is described to a tee in this article. He too has a few beta qualities. I am an alpha female too. We do have issues sometimes because we tend to think too much alike and over analyze each other. Me too can be distant and do not give him a clue of what is wrong. Our similiarities just drives me crazy. We both laugh at it because it’s like we are one person…lol. We have developed a good way of communicating with each other by addressing if we are mad or didn’t like something that one of us did.

    I just love being around him and he has brought many things out of me that I have not recovered in a while like poetry. I do whatever to make him happy and so does he. He always reassures me by telling me that he really f@#ks with me and I need to act right when I trip on him. Just opening myself up to him is so exciting. I do many creative things to show how I appreciate him and he does the same for me. We are both adventurous and outgoing, so the problem of boredom is not seen for me. I am also learning how to be a better me with him as my teacher. We both come from a colorful past, but accept each other for the good and the bad.

  5. kween_khemi says:

    My last relationship was with an alpha male. When things are good they are GREAT! When things are bad they are the WORST! Mine was very calculating in everything he did, he believe perception was everything and did different things in different settings because he wanted that particular audience to view him a certain way (i.e. work, business, out in the streets, in school, etc).

    The reason he is an ex is because he lead a double life (when you said serious secrets and may have bodies in the trunk VERY TRUE! I put nothing past this man)> The plus is that although I am an alpha as well I had no idea he was honing me and helping me to develop that alpha within myself. He expected nothing but greatest from me and that rubbed off on me and I expected the same from others. I do have some beta tendencies and like his alpha-self, he used my weakness against me to his benefit.

    Other men wanted what he had and he loved the attention. He is a visionary always was ahead of the game.He was very much a “renaissance man”. He excelled in everything with little effort and was the leader of his friends even though he was the smallest in the group.

    His vice is women and alcohol (the only time when he feels he can let the facade go is when he drinks, he could go weeks without alcohol when he did drink he binged and bad things would occur) The only reason he got caught up in the first place is because he was sloppy drunk and lost his cool (we all fall down sometime) and his brain couldnt work fast enough to dilute the situation, the man I knew would never got caught up like that, way too smooth for that.

    The same things you love about an alpha male are the same things you hate about them as well and that what makes them unique. Even though we are not together I still know great things will come from this man. But me being alpha as well, I already have certain things in motion that will make him shit next time he runs into me 😉

  6. Thanks
    I am searching for an alpha. There is no other man for me.

    The uber alpha has no sensitivity and the rest. That is why I suggested they would be an anti-social personality. They are a very rear.

  7. Marisol says:

    My alpha husband is an alpha to the tee, he does get quiet cave time and all of that stuff. I was married to a beta years ago, a kind sensitive man who took control of the house but in a resigned, quiet way and we respected him. I think alpha men are complicated as hell very controlling and I accept him.

  8. Maryann says:

    OSP–great analysis, you actually described a beta in your first paragraph, these are good men, too, but very different

    i used “uber” to suggest alphas who have no beta qualities, which is rare because most do have a few but let their alpha dominate as opposed to beta men who are driven by their beta side. Both Clinton and Barack are textbook alphas with some beta qualities.

    will address that at later point

  9. I see some huge differences between the uber alpha male and the alpha male. Think the Alpha male is all we want in a husband. He is loving, sensitive and kind, but he can take control of any situations. He only wants to enhance the character of all the people the are around him.

    However,the uber Alpha male is human and therefore he would simply be anti-social,in the psychological term of the world. An anti social personality does not care for other people. They have the right presentation. They are charming, pretend to care, say all the right things, very successful in all that they do and command respect from everyone around him. He also violates the right of others on a regular basis, until the day he is caught.

  10. Sherryberry says:

    I know an alpha male is not perfect and has higher standards than other men. However, there is a thin line between “checking” a woman and just outright disrespect. Now, my reaction to the post, I believe alpha men get respect because they don’t lose their cool with women who act up, while the average beta man loses his shit. I believe alpha men take time to explain things to a woman rather than yell and scream obscenities at her to get her “under control.” What true alpha female is “under control” anyway- she has her own rules just like the alpha male. I like when the alpha male is a quiet, introspective warrior, plotting his next move- keeping his power to himself but giving jewels of knowledge to those he can trust. He doesn’t have to berate anybody to get his point across, but if it gets to that point he’ll definitely puts his foot in that ass.

    I think we equate alpha males with just monetary status: but a true alpha makes people feel powerful even though he is clearly the most successful person in the room- Will Smith is a great example of this. We as women need to have discernment and not confuse an alpha with a verbal abusive lunatic beta man.

    @ D.S.T.- You are in a abusive relationship IMO, he cursed you out in front of his family- I’m sorry he is one step away from physically beating your ass, that’s just my two cents.

  11. D.S.T says:

    I don\’t even know if this is a place to say this but I am with an alpha male and the more he abuses me I like it. Not that I ask for it or anything but I love a man to man handle me. That\’s all I respect because I got a mouth! My alpha cusses me out and sets me straight in the street and in the bed, he brings home the bacon so I have no problems. Over the holidays he did cuss me out in front of his family at the dinner table because I was late my worst fear is that he\’ll get bored with me, but he\’s made me a better woman. I love that man. Maybe I do act up for the attention, and he eats it up…literally.

  12. Yes, Im feeling this post!

    Back when I was working a 9-5, I used to work for an Optometrist as his Glaucoma and Cataract pre-tester, and every chance he got he abused me verbally, (So I thought).

    So as he’s screening at me daily to get procedures right, I became overly cautious, and developed a compulsive need to do things CORRECTLY! Often I would redo a procedure 10 times just to make sure it met his standards so that I wouldn’t get yelled it. At the time, I thought he was a nightmare.

    Little did I know that his verbal abuse was actually what I needed to be the BEST at everything I put my hands on. I have nothing but the utmost respect for this Alpha man that I used to work for.

    It was him that taught me the bare basics of a skill that many go to college to learn, and I got the best lessons free of charge!

    Thank you Dr. Jehling!

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