Tag: how to get married

The Virgin Monologues: Court Me

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An alphanista knows there’s more than one way to win…especially when the “old way” hasn’t done much for ‘ya….

By Guest Blogger, Gladys Wilson (ohthesweet)

Courting has been around for all time and some people have embraced, while others have shunned it.

Practicing Christians embrace courting as a way to develop a relationship with the opposite sex and remain with in the guidelines set by God. The main goal of courting is to see if your partner is the right one for you to marry. That is the sole goal. People who court do not date.

I feel that anybody, Christian or not can decide to court. Courting is a way of forming a relationship that can heal old wounds or keep your heart from being shredded to pieces. The number one rule of courting is no sex. No sex of any kind.

However, courting is more than not having a sexual relationship with a person. It is deeper than that. It is seeing the person for who they truly are, without the cloudiness and emotions that come along with a sexually involved relationship. When you court someone, you become their friend and they become yours. If the person is compatible with you, then you create a deep bond, which will last a lifetime.

Six ways to ensure your courting relationship is successful:

1 Make sure that courting is right for you. Have to believe in it, have self control and be disciplined.

2 Tell your intended partner about your goals up front. For example, explain to them your intentions of courting.

3 Chose to visit with each other in open setting or by doing character building activities.

4 Dress modestly, to avoid giving off the wrong message. You can wear clothes that are flattering to your figure without it saying Motel 6.

5 Get to know each others families, and friends that will tell you a lot about your partner.

6 Always be fully aware of your partners faith based beliefs and how those beliefs play out in their lives.

Courting is fun and although it is not emotion free, you can end a courting relationship on mutual agreement, because both you and your partner will be fully aware of your feelings or lack thereof towards each other. Yes, your heart will ache a little, but it will not break in several tiny pieces.

To find out more about our guest blogger, please go to http://ohthesweetpromise.wordpress.com/.

POLL: Would You Get Married In Less Than A Year?

questionmarkWe all know a “certain couple” got married this weekend.

No one seems to be as interested on who these two are, as they are interested in how long they knew each other.  Some say it wasn’t long enough.  One month?  I was checking the amount of hateful posts online about it.  All, from women.  Now, let’s take it a level further, away from this “celebrity couple”.  On a day to day basis, many women will never experience to security and feeling of a man who wants you to be his wife.

It is true that women want to get married in almost every good relationship.  Men, not so much.  When men get that feeling, they operate on it asap.  I even heard one call it “an emergency”.   It’s a little different for women, because they are used to waiting until the man asks or feels the same way.   Trust me, very few women can drag a man to an altar who is NOT ready.

Will you really ever get to know someone?  Couples have been together for years 20 or more, and have divorced.  Couples marry and meet in days and stay married for decades.  When I hear folks say they “need time” they are just looking for somebody to mess up to prove why they stay single.  It’s called sabotage.  Most find what they are looking for.

With that said, there is no time limit for stuff in life.  Except, waffles need to be toasted 3-5 minutes.

Take this poll, keeping in mind that you are with the “right” person!

Would You Get Married In Less Than A Year?

View Results

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Speak Up Or Sit Down! PT II

bigmouthOne of the reasons folks don’t assert themselves in relationships is because of Fear.

Fear of being denied, rejected or misunderstood. So, instead of asking you start to complain. Complain that people don’t know how to act or treat you, or that men these days are too passive, that they don’t care. A good example is that when we accept an invite to a party we don’t want to attend, and show up late.

We complain about why we’re late or that the party started too late or too early. Instead of just speaking up, and saying you didn’t want to go (to yourself, and making a promise to not force yourself again).

The bottom line is to honor your yeses and nos. But also to make a clear statement of your desire. One thing it does is give the other person space to say no. Then it allows you to grow and trust yourself and in the goodness of life that all is well, and you will be ok. You have to have a detached feeling to the response.  It gives you the freedom to ask for anything you want from anybody. Can you imagine how that would be like? How many more possibilities you could create for yourself?

In order to express your feelings you have to know what they are. Love is not nice and pretty. You can’t always look nice and pretty to people. You can’t be invested in all that if you want to experience love. An alphanista gets that.   Once you get in touch with your needs and feelings about each circumstance you’re facing through specific “treatments” and journaling, you’ll see that it’s a risk worth taking.
Also, you must give up the need to be right, have your way and strategize. Ask yourself what kind of love do you want to create? One that’s strategic, combative, and ambiguous?   I don’t think so.

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