Tag: how to date

The Virgin Monologues: Court Me

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An alphanista knows there’s more than one way to win…especially when the “old way” hasn’t done much for ‘ya….

By Guest Blogger, Gladys Wilson (ohthesweet)

Courting has been around for all time and some people have embraced, while others have shunned it.

Practicing Christians embrace courting as a way to develop a relationship with the opposite sex and remain with in the guidelines set by God. The main goal of courting is to see if your partner is the right one for you to marry. That is the sole goal. People who court do not date.

I feel that anybody, Christian or not can decide to court. Courting is a way of forming a relationship that can heal old wounds or keep your heart from being shredded to pieces. The number one rule of courting is no sex. No sex of any kind.

However, courting is more than not having a sexual relationship with a person. It is deeper than that. It is seeing the person for who they truly are, without the cloudiness and emotions that come along with a sexually involved relationship. When you court someone, you become their friend and they become yours. If the person is compatible with you, then you create a deep bond, which will last a lifetime.

Six ways to ensure your courting relationship is successful:

1 Make sure that courting is right for you. Have to believe in it, have self control and be disciplined.

2 Tell your intended partner about your goals up front. For example, explain to them your intentions of courting.

3 Chose to visit with each other in open setting or by doing character building activities.

4 Dress modestly, to avoid giving off the wrong message. You can wear clothes that are flattering to your figure without it saying Motel 6.

5 Get to know each others families, and friends that will tell you a lot about your partner.

6 Always be fully aware of your partners faith based beliefs and how those beliefs play out in their lives.

Courting is fun and although it is not emotion free, you can end a courting relationship on mutual agreement, because both you and your partner will be fully aware of your feelings or lack thereof towards each other. Yes, your heart will ache a little, but it will not break in several tiny pieces.

To find out more about our guest blogger, please go to http://ohthesweetpromise.wordpress.com/.

First Lady Michelle’s Dating Advice?

Michelle: From Working Mom To Stay At Home Mom (Look Good, Girl!)

Recently, Michelle Obama gave some dating advice to women in Glamour (a publication I’ve written for), and she said this:

Cute’s good. But cute only lasts for so long, and then it’s, Who are you as a person? That’s the advice I would give to women: Don’t look at the bankbook or the title. Look at the heart. Look at the soul. Look at how the guy treats his mother and what he says about women. How he acts with children he doesn’t know. And, more important, how does he treat you? When you’re dating a man, you should always feel good. You should never feel less than. You should never doubt yourself. You shouldn’t be in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t make you completely happy and make you feel whole. And if you’re in that relationship and you’re dating, then my advice is, don’t get married. Get out of it and find that person that brings you complete and utter joy with who you are at the moment.

I always love Mrs. O’s advice.  I see what she is saying.  I also see how it can be misunderstood.  A man or woman cannot bring you “complete and utter joy” or “make you completely happy”.  They can, however, enhance what you already have and or feeling.  For example, if you are happy, then you are more happy with them, and if you are depressed, you will be more depressed because you’ll find situations to be depressed about.

That is what I believe she is saying.  Too many men and women lean on their partners for that “good feeling”.  I have done that, and when that comes up I realize I can’t call him to feel good it’s about me, my overall emotional chemistry.  What am I telling myself? What stories am I making up in my mind?  Definitely choose a man based on his character, but many women won’t.  They want the money, and the looks, the cars, and all that.  Just make sure however you get it, you are already “there” inside, and won’t hold anyone hostage in a relationship until they make you feel good.

The Alphanista’s Conquest

By Te-Erika Patterson

For the Alphanista, every decision is a strategic move toward a desired end.

Even her passions are born from a yearning for a specific lifestyle.  Although she is notorious for planting seeds and setting dominoes in place it’s not as calculated as it may appear to those who wonder how she manages to make such fierce moves without fear.  It’s an innate sensor, a vibrant intuition of sorts, that lead her to be able to recognize her opportunities for growth.  Often, these opportunities for growth come in the form of relationships with men. These men become conquests.

There are women who are guided by that tingling, butterfly feeling that lead them toward love and there are those who recognize the opportunity for professional and personal growth, which often blossoms into their idea of love. For the women who are driven by the latter, rippling muscles and the “bad boy” attitude are turn offs.  Instead their heart flutters at the sight of a strong resume, a stellar reputation for success or any combination of three letters behind a man’s name.  These men magically morph into Shemar Moore even when they really look like Urkel.

The romantic conquest for the Alphanista is just as important as any of her goals. She has to put her skills to the test in an effort to see if she can get the BIG prize, the man with enough poise and power to help her cultivate her dream life and enough staying power to shine beside her as she recognizes her full potential.

She’ll meet a man along her journey to becoming her best self and her radar will go off.  It’s not a “ching ching” type of alarm, it’s more like a slow beaming light that magnifies its radiance over time. There’s something special about him. He’ll usually be happily making his mark on the world as their paths cross and he will be delighted by her presence and passions.  With her irreplaceable skill set he’ll find she adds value to his goals and she will turn them on super charge to attract him.

Is this kind of love sincere? Yes, in many ways. As women we are driven toward developing romantic relationships for many different reasons and none of them are more righteous than the next. We want what we want and there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just that the Alphanista works smarter to get it.

Te-Erika Patterson frequently writes blog posts for Alphanista.  To learn more about her visit her at www.te-erika.blogspot.com.

For the Alphanista, every decision is a strategic move toward a desired end. Even her passions are born from a yearning for a specific lifestyle. Although she is notorious for planting seeds and setting dominoes in place it’s not as calculated as it may appear to those who wonder how she manages to make such fierce moves without fear. It’s an innate sensor, a vibrant intuition of sorts, that lead her to be able to recognize her opportunities for growth. Often, these opportunities for growth come in the form of relationships with men. These men become conquests.
There are women who are guided by that tingling, butterfly feeling that lead them toward love and there are those who recognize the opportunity for professional and personal growth, which often blossoms into their idea of love. For the women who are driven by the latter, rippling muscles and the “bad boy” attitude are turn offs. Instead their heart flutters at the sight of a strong resume, a stellar reputation for success or any combination of three letters behind a man’s name. These men magically morph into Shemar Moore even when they really look like Urkel.
The romantic conquest for the Alphanista is just as important as any of her goals. She has to put her skills to the test in an effort to see if she can get the BIG prize, the man with enough poise and power to help her cultivate her dream life and enough staying power to shine beside her as she recognizes her full potential.
She’ll meet a man along her journey to becoming her best self and her radar will go off. It’s not a “ching ching” type of alarm, it’s more like a slow beaming light that magnifies its radiance over time. There’s something special about him. He’ll usually be happily making his mark on the world as their paths cross and he will be delighted by her presence and passions. With her irreplaceable skill set he’ll find she adds value to his goals and she will turn them on super charge to attract him.
Is this kind of love sincere? Yes, in many ways. As women we are driven toward developing romantic relationships for many different reasons and none of them are more righteous than the next. We want what we want and there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just that the Alphanista works smarter to get it.