“Love sees sharply, hatred sees even more sharp, but Jealousy sees the sharpest for it is love and hate at the same time”–Arab Proverb
If you’re the alpha at work or school who most women love to hate, then this one is for you.
Here is a typical scenario for an alpha female: she is the one on the “outside” of a group.
What happens is that the alpha female may be “new” to the area or job. Where most women would make themselves a part of the group and feel “bad” if they are not accepted, alpha females have another strategy. Being the target of jealousy or curiosity is not new to alphas, and she is normally very comfortable alone, and that makes others VERY uncomfortable. She is neither out or in a group, she is always where she wants to be. And she rather be alone than be unwelcomed or unappreciated.
The trick here is to never ask to be part of the group. Do not bend to the group or accept invitations for lunch or dinner. These invites are usually prime time for those to peck on you like ravenous pigeons on toast. They are curious about you, who you are, and why you are so self contained. They’ll label you and call you “crazy” or “anti-social” to hide jealousy or frustration about you. A true alpha won’t flinch, hey, it’s nothing new to her.
Now, here is your option if you want to be entertained by others instead of yourself: create a group. You set yourself up from the start as the person to get to know. People will come and go from the group, but you stay, molding and shaping the group to suit you. The group must always grow or they have no value for it and will leave. This is your platform to be who you are without reservation. Should you need to retreat from the group or be alone entirely (I think the alpha may spend too much time alone, but that’s another blog) be prepared to attract another loner, preferably a beta, where both of your energies can balance the other. Want to rustle the feathers of the group of women who are mystified by your aloofness? Try this.
Too many women are interested in pleasing other women. Like the saying goes, “if you can’t accept yourself, then certainly no one else will”.
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“Now when I enter a carriage, it almost empties. But there’s always one brave enough to stay.”—Grace Jones
Ay, ay, ay to be an alpha female. You are either the most likeable or the most hated. You are either the most social or the loneliest. Look at who is around you, and think deeply about what has made them stay. It could be that you are a good advisor, listener,
Teacher or friend, or simply make them feel good.
It’s those brave ones that interest Alphanistas. They see our weakness, our vulnerability, our tantrums and still “get” us. Because when we love, we love big, loud, messy, and passionate. An alpha does not have it all figured out. What she knows how to do is to respect those who stay, and those who want to be there. She’s been dumped, yelled at, and thensome. But she doesn’t stop going there.
Going into the unknown of what the next relationship will bring. She dives right in, head first sometimes. She knows that it is inside that relationship where she will find herself and be the woman she is to become.
If you have someone in your life that is brave enough to stay, cheers to you.
When anyone asks me what I want out of life, I say: to have a successful life.
I don’t say to be “this” or to be “that”. But to be successful in everything I do and in things I haven’t yet imagined.
When you see friends around you advancing to the next stage in a swift, effortless manner, others getting promoted, or , just seeming more productive, you wonder how they do it, or when it will be your turn. Or perhaps, you’ve been doing all you can, but still not getting as far as you’d like.
I interviewed hundreds of women as a published author for St. Martins press and have been a guest on major shows like CNN, ABC NEWS 20/20, the CBS Early Show and writer for magazines like Glamour and Black Enterprise. While meeting successful women from all walks of life, I learned that they had a secret.
The secret is… the most successful women I have met had a formula no one else knew about, or a structured way of making things happen, and not waiting for them. They didn’t take more time to get things done, they just applied more energy. What would your life look like if you did that and it propelled you to the next level of your life? It could be that new home, husband, career, baby or anything that has been slipping through your fingers like water!
Not just any kind of life, but one rich with fulfillment, excitement, wonder, and security. That’s the life of the most successful women have created for themselves. Madonna, Oprah, Josephine Baker, Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama, Angelina Jolie, Coco Chanel, Martha Stewart, Mary J. Blige, etc. these are all women who overcame distraction and adversity to rise to the top of their game. They may have had a mentor, or a vision, even before they had a concrete plan. One thing all these women had in common was that they are all alpha females. Unafraid and unapologetic.
They live from their strongest self, their alpha self. Based on my own research, alpha females are happier, are more likely to have fulfilling relationships with their partners and are more successful in their careers. The problem is, very few women are born alphas.
The great thing is that an alpha female can be made! Fill out below to get this free report and
find out more about living like an alpha female:
What happens when you can’t be all that you thought you could be?
You reinvent yourself. Reinvention is not a linear process. It has nothing to do with finishing school, getting the right friends, job, love, or home. It is about surviving adverse situations, coming out on top, re-awakening the “Rocky” in you to surprise yourself, and those who forgot about you. It’s about taking what’s left and molding it into the new you. The thing about reinvention is this: No one helps you.
It can only happen by the straps of your own boots. By you sitting at home one weekend, one month, one year, or over lunch with friends, and saying, “Yeah, that’s what I want to be.” That “that” may be something you had never tried. But everything else has been taken from you. It is your chance to do something new. To leave a mark. To be great once again.
Reinvention is for those alphanistas who have a little thing called-spirit. Spirit is talked about, but rarely understood. It’s that little sing-s0ng in an alphanista that whispers in her ear when she just got evicted. It’s that little word or flash of light she sees when she’s just been jailed. It’s that word that tells you “It ain’t over yet” because you have whole new chapter, opening up in front of you. It’s those words that help you get up in the morning, and apply for that job you aren’t qualified for–and later, get, by the seat of your pants that is a bridge to another place, another you. Reinvention is about making order out of chaos.
A spirited woman is a woman full of life. Who can’t be beaten. It’s not about strength, but about vision. Spirited women are not exactly strong, but they stand up, when they get ready. To me, “strong” is more sturdy, rigid, cold, unemotional. When you’re on your way to re-invention, you’re anything but. You need to be flexible, pallable like dough.
Here are some possible reinventions with varying degrees of transition, many done and written about more than once. I’m working on one of the below 🙂
- Pop Star to Self Help Therapist
- Divorced Housewife to Las Vegas Stripper
- Starving Artist to Famous Politician
- U.S. Ambassador to Fitness Trainer
- Small Business Owner to Fortune 500 CEO
An alphanista may reinvent her life several times to make sense of a mess she created. If she didn’t get the husband, get the home, or whatever she had prized, and find a new love. She may move off to Italy, and become one of the nations’ only celebrity foreign chefs. Odd, huh? Exactly. A reinvention hardly ever makes much sense to others, but the inventor….
First and foremost an alpha-nista appreciates and plays up her feminine attributes at work, at home, at church, at the synagogue, wherever she is.
She is aware of the power she has over men, and other women. Unlike many women who dress for approval of other women and to be complimented and accepted by them, alpha-nistas dress for their man of choice, the lifestyle they aspire to and for themselves.
Her sensuality is not hidden in a sweat suit or potato sack. She can’t hide it. It’s all over her. She’s not a fashionista, necessarily, but she’s a smart woman. She is aware of what perception means and how it can help her. For instance, Stacy Dash has an ageless (partly due to genes of course), fresh look and is very comfortable being the apple of men’s eyes. Notice I didn’t say “sex object”. It’s a term other women created for other women who make them uncomfortable. Dash is a good example of having equity. Equity is all that hard work and attention an alpha-nista puts into her beauty, health and style regimen, so by the time she reaches her maturation date she can enjoy the benefits at a whole new level.
An alpha-nista is not the one to cry about “being judged by her looks” only. She understands the the “looks” come from a greater value she places on herself and is the manifestation of extreme self care and inner growth. She’s in touch with her menses, and knows exactly the dates she ovulates. According to experts during a woman’s ovulation she is more attractive, her facial structure softens, and she attracts more men, is more creative, and is just carrying around a “happier” feeling due to increase in estrogen. She uses this time to circulate, plan meetings and makes the most of it. Do you know when you ovulate? It’s called feminine power.
Whether it’s physical or outer beauty, an alpha-nista takes charge of her life. With the life she leads, she hits alot of bumps in the road and is constantly challenged, but she uses what she has to get what she wants. Along with proper diet, clothing and inner regimen her outer light never dims, even if it has inside.
Starting soon, this blog will be updated a little less than everyday, until further notice.
I’m working on a new membership site for alphanistas ready to enhance and transform their life at every level based on all that is, alpha–top, prime, premiere advice, guidance and resources. It is an affordable, paid membership site that offers a 6 month life makeover in every area! It’s fun, deep, sexy, serious, and fascinating.
Why did I start it? Because I was getting email after email asking for something more. Every time I created a product for Alphanista it sold. There was a segment of visitors that wanted more than a blog, they wanted service. That is what I’m committed to do! Complete with how-to articles, videos, an interactive forum, members will be privy to the Alphanista way of life written by yours truly, with access to other experts and resources.
After I gathered my research and created a plan, some of which has been written about on this blog, I wanted to make sure that it could help. That it was based on techniques and principles that any woman, young or older, would be able to apply. I showed it around, and the consensus was that it can. Here’s a quote fromtv/radio pyschologist, reoccuring expert on The Today Show and author Dr. Jeff Gardere:
Maryann gives you the structure and the “some place to start” we all need. If you can articulate what you want out of life then you can do this! Maryann has created a plan that is clear, provocative and informative, everything is there for you at your fingertips. Overlook her smart advice at your own expense.
If you’re new to Alphanista, and want to know more, fill out below for a FREE ebook on How To Be An Alpha Female and more info about the Alphanista member’s only site!
Here’s the difference between being dead or alive: the ability to feel pain.
Unfortunately, there are some sociopathic types that feel no pain, no real joy, and use obsessive-compulsive addictions to “feel” anything. When you feel pain–hurt, anger, rage, sorrow, disappointment, longing, etc–you are alive. It’s uncomfortable. Sometimes, the pain doesn’t leave right away. Or it leaves for a few days, and comes back. Normally, we are taught to suffocate the pain, drown it out, repress, suppress and make it disappear. And you can do that. In fact, you’re probably already doing that. Maybe that is why you are in the same rut, having the same experience you had years ago–yes?
An alpha female welcomes the pain. She listens to it. She asks “it” questions. She knows that this is just another thing that makes up who she is. And then the feeling passes. She doesn’t have to sit with ruminating thoughts for hours, even days. The pain comes, she may invite it for tea, and let it expand inside her. No reaching for the phone, computer, or flipping the channels. If you sit still with it long enough, look at it, without joining it, you will notice that it passes. And then comes another thought, a phone call, or something to move you along to another experience.
Once you get used to doing this, you’ll experience a sense of freedom you never have before.
Read more in this series.
Then one morning you wake up. You decide that there is more to life than what appears.
That, like an alpha female, you are completely control of your destiny. If you can’t see it, then you might as well create it. You create your own possibilities via networks and powerful connections. Oh, no. You didn’t have these to start with. But you find them via mentors, private clubs, or serendipity. It does happen. Did you know there are people who will mentor you for free? Wealthy people. Of course you do. Now, you are doing something about it. You are learning the ropes of what it means to be truly wealthy in America. Wealth in money, but access, too. It is not a far off dream, an after retirement goal or a second life promise. You want it now. You don’t want to sell your soul. But an alpha female takes risks.
You call people you never thought you would. You leave random messages on CEO voicemail boxes at night with your ideas and requests for a meeting. Nobody does that. Understand that if you do, they will take it seriously. Expect the call back. It is a ridiculously wild feeling that makes you feel alive and unstoppable. You go to lunches and meetings where you are the only stranger. You walk in buildings like you collect the rent. People notice you. They ask questions. You take the next steps. You make and break alliances. You take down the old and build the new.
You may find that in this process you become another self. A self that is more self assured, less caring, and more daring. Instead of protecting others, you learn to protect yourself. You may also find that you have a new “thing” about you. No longer are others able to approach you in any old way or tell you any old bull. You will radiate a shield of protection that is a reflection of your inner growth.
It sounds like a lot. But it is really not that hard. The only person that can get in the way is you. You are fighting for your life. Excuse me, the life.
Accepting your darkness, as well, as your light, is a sense of freedom.
It doesn’t mean that you continue self-defeating, or self-sabotaging habits. It means you recognize them as catalysts for growth. People talk about feeling “free”, but real freedom is the ability to share your whole self, not just your “good” self.
Being “good” is half-hearted, it withholds, it is not real, or the entire story. Here, your intuition will tell you what to do, and what you are really seeing. Without it, you find yourself in relationships with “good” people, only to see who they really are when it’s too late–you are locked in emotionally. Tied-up. I won’t get into it here, but read books by Debbie Ford. For now, the moment you accept the darkness–with its pain and failures– is when you can experience something new. It is also when you sharpen your intuition and detect bullshit, a lot faster, and clearer. You also develop boundaries and healthy, self-care tactics. You will also have more evenness between the “you” at home and the one you show the world.
When this happens, you may lose friends, jobs, situations, etc, and get a whole new set of experiences. You will gain real authenticity in your life. Freedom. It takes support, reading, and being alone. But couples can also work on this together. It really makes no sense to leave a relationship, when you are screwed up. When you’ve received no counseling or therapy or done work on yourself. You can only recreate from the level you are at. You are just setting yourself up for the same problems, different face.
So, is there one solution to stop the pain? The alpha way is to accept the pain with the strongest part of yourself. Be it meditation, counseling, rehab, therapy, chanting, etc. Acceptance is working with it, integrating it, not making it disappear. It won’t ever really disappear, but you will be able to cope better, forgive more, and change how you look at things.
Read more in this series.