Tag: guest bloggers

The Virgin Monologues: Court Me

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An alphanista knows there’s more than one way to win…especially when the “old way” hasn’t done much for ‘ya….

By Guest Blogger, Gladys Wilson (ohthesweet)

Courting has been around for all time and some people have embraced, while others have shunned it.

Practicing Christians embrace courting as a way to develop a relationship with the opposite sex and remain with in the guidelines set by God. The main goal of courting is to see if your partner is the right one for you to marry. That is the sole goal. People who court do not date.

I feel that anybody, Christian or not can decide to court. Courting is a way of forming a relationship that can heal old wounds or keep your heart from being shredded to pieces. The number one rule of courting is no sex. No sex of any kind.

However, courting is more than not having a sexual relationship with a person. It is deeper than that. It is seeing the person for who they truly are, without the cloudiness and emotions that come along with a sexually involved relationship. When you court someone, you become their friend and they become yours. If the person is compatible with you, then you create a deep bond, which will last a lifetime.

Six ways to ensure your courting relationship is successful:

1 Make sure that courting is right for you. Have to believe in it, have self control and be disciplined.

2 Tell your intended partner about your goals up front. For example, explain to them your intentions of courting.

3 Chose to visit with each other in open setting or by doing character building activities.

4 Dress modestly, to avoid giving off the wrong message. You can wear clothes that are flattering to your figure without it saying Motel 6.

5 Get to know each others families, and friends that will tell you a lot about your partner.

6 Always be fully aware of your partners faith based beliefs and how those beliefs play out in their lives.

Courting is fun and although it is not emotion free, you can end a courting relationship on mutual agreement, because both you and your partner will be fully aware of your feelings or lack thereof towards each other. Yes, your heart will ache a little, but it will not break in several tiny pieces.

To find out more about our guest blogger, please go to http://ohthesweetpromise.wordpress.com/.

Make Lemonade Out Of Occupational Lemons

womancareer2By Guest Blogger  Wendy Coakley-Thompson

Some time ago, I wrote Five Alphanista Things to Do When You Get Laid Off.

The first comment I received on the piece came from The Hooker Chronicles, who said she tells people sensing a layoff to start their own businesses. According to Chronicles, “In the age of the Internet and social networking sites, this is the perfect opportunity to start networking with people.”

Apparently, The Hooker Chronicles is on to something. More and more of my friends who’ve been told not to let the doorknob hit them where the good Lord split them on the way out have decided to freelance  instead of taking yet another thankless corporate gig. Donald O. Graul Jr., Executive Director of American Independent Writers (AIW) here in DC, says that freelancing is a popular career move in this recession.

Why? Because both employers and freelancers get over like a fat rat. Employers can hire a freelancer without having to pay for pesky things like benefits and a workspace. On the flip side, freelancers can sign on only for work they want to do. It’s a win-win for everyone.

One person making lemonade out of occupational lemons is Rakia Clark. In January of this year, Kensington Books laid her off from her position as Editor.  Rather than cry in her Cosmopolitan, Clark launched her own web site and blog, got her business affairs in order, and hung out her proverbial shingle as a freelance editor and proposal writer. USA Today even documented Clark’s career change in its March 13 Money section.

Clark is so successful that her biggest challenge is finding the time to do all of the work that constantly falls into her lap. Also, rather than feel the isolation that some people who freelance experience, Clark says that her fellow freelancers have not only welcomed her, they pass work her way from time to time.

Clark and others like her show that it’s what you make of adversity that determines your level of success.  As the old slogan goes – lemonade, that cool, refreshing drink!

Author Wendy Coakley-Thompson is the DC Publishing Industry Examiner at Examiner.com. Check her out at http://www.examiner.com/x-6658-DC-Publishing-Industry-Examiner.

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Want To Guest Blog For Alphanista?

heels1I am swamped and would love to start posting your guest blogs!

A few guest bloggers come with their own ideas and we work together to make sure it hasn’t been blogged about before and how to fit it in. I also may edit a guest blogger’s piece if it needs work.  Also looking for regular columnists in careers, sex, relationships, etc.

See? It’s really easy. Guest bloggers write about 300-500 words in exchange for a link to their own site or product. Links are placed under the title of their blog and/or at the end.  I feature guest blogs about 1-4 times a week, along with my own blogs.

Don’t post here.  If you are interested, please read About Alphanista and send me an email at maryann@alphanista.com!  Thank you.

The Virgin Monologues: Get Him To Court You

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Avoid This Feeling After A Date....

By Guest Blogger, Gladys Wilson

The primary purpose of dating should be to see if your partner is marriage material.

Practicing Christians solve this problem by courting. However, if you just want to see if your partner is your best match then read on. The key to finding out if your partner is the right one for you is to have a sex-free date. That minor sacrifice will pay off in the end. When choosing a dating venue always choose activities that will show how well you and your partner work together.

Cooking Classes

Check your city guide online and you should find cooking class for two. It will cost you around $90, which is the average price of a decent date. A cooking class can show you so many things about your partner. For example:

-Is your partner secure enough to take instructions from other people, or does he have a know-it-all attitude?

-When mixing ingredients, is it a synchronized dance or it is struggle, with constantly bumping hands.

Habitat for Humanity (This can be any community service project)

It is always good to know if your partner has a charitable heart. It will show you that he has compassion for other people, which will translate beautifully into your relationship. He will show you compassion and love instead of humiliation and degradation. Here are the questions to ask yourself:

-Is you partner enthusiastic about this community service project? Or is he just mad and does not want to spend his day in the heat building a house for people he doesn’t know.

-Once at the building site, does your date interact with other people? Does he seem helpful and hard working, or is he talking or on his phone and seems disinterested in the things going on around him?

-Does your partner show concern for you? Is he asking you things like, are you ok, do you need some water, etc?

All of the above information will help you see some of the true characters of your partner and will help you make the right decisions about them. Remember at the end of your date; he drops you off and goes home. No spending the night. No sex will leave the both of you curious about the other and want to spend more time with each other.

To find out more about guest blogger, please go to http://ohthesweetpromise.wordpress.com/.

Weekend Rewind: Ten Reasons Why This Alphanista Won’t be a Cougar

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Loved this classic.  Enjoy!
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By Guest Blogger, Author Wendy Coakley-Thompson

Vivica Fox is hosting a new show called “The Cougar,” in which an older woman lives with twenty hot young guys, eyeing them like life’s a smorgasbord, and she’s one hungry Swede.

I was intrigued.

After all, I wrote a book, What You Won’t Do For Love, in which the main character falls for a younger guy.  I get it. Sometimes, you got to get your swerve on. If you want someone to knock it out, then maybe a tadpole is what you need.  Men that age are at their sexual peak, and rutting all night is what they do best. But life has taught me some lessons.  I’m looking for someone older.  Because, in head-to-head combat, older men make the grade. Here’s why:

1.    Older men think size is relative.  Whether it’s my plus-size figure or a somewhat smaller appendage, older men usually know how to compensate for each so we both get ours.

2.    Older men don’t have baby mama drama. Chances are, if you’re seeing an older man with kids, they’re grown and outside the sphere of some vindictive baby mama who can ruin your plans, because she’s mad at something your man did or didn’t do before you even showed up.

3.    Older men have seen some things. Even the densest older man has had life experiences that gave him some wisdom that he can share. He’s had problems that are bigger than losing at Madden 09.

4.    Older men have been places. Odds are older men have left the country at some point.  And Canada doesn’t count; it’s still North America. I want a man who doesn’t think I’m talking about Jamaica when I mention that my family’s from the Bahamas.

5.    Older men have their own place. Any older man who’s still living in his mama’s basement at his age is just pathetic, and I wouldn’t be with him.

6.    Older men can navigate a woman’s body. Older men tend to have experience on their side. I shouldn’t have to give a man a Mapquest printout and a flashlight for him to find the clitoris.

7.    Older men take their time. Because they can’t do much fast anymore, you get quality over quantity – Ruth’s Chris over Mickey D’s. In bed and everywhere else…

8.    Older men have a more cultured palate. They tend to appreciate the finer things in life. For some younger men, the only culture they get comes from Dannon.

9.    Older men have their own stuff. I’ll quote the comic A.J. Johnson: “It’s not that we want a man with money. We just don’t want to have to lend him any of ours.” ‘Nuff said.

10.    Older men appreciate your accomplishments. Secure older men have the good sense to recognize that your achievements complement what they bring to the table.

For all these reasons, I won’t be taking on the cougar mantle anytime soon.  Unless, of course, I find a younger man who meets my strict standards. Then it’s on!

For more on our guest blogger, youc an visit her blog The Fiendish Plots of Dr. Wendy Coakley-Thompson at http://wendycoakley-thompson.blogspot.com, on MySpace, and on Facebook.

Weekend Rewind: Can Men Tell Women How To Be Women?

Hill Harper, Letters to A Young Sister

 

By Guest Blogger, Gloria Vanner

That is not my real name . You won’t know who I am, but what I am about to write can change your life forever.

Here’s my story first.  But I’m going to skip some of the standard parts:  I’m educated, single, beautiful, yada yada.  When I was in my 20s, I was about partying, hanging with ballers, searching for rich men, and pretty much having the time of life.  I let some great men slip by because they didn’t have “enough”  or looked good “enough”.  Fast forward, 10 years.  I have a fly condo I in Lower Manhattan, a benz, and six figure a year job, no kids, a puppy, and I sleep alone every night.  Oh, let me correct that.  I used to sleep alone.

My family and friends always push the best for me.  What I had was never “enough”.  I couldn’t just graduate college I had to be in the top 5.  I couldn’t just have a man, but he had to be a childless, 6 foot 4, CEO/homeowner/yachtowner/who basically had lots of free time on his hands to be at my beck and call.  I hope you know that this is nearly impossible.  This is part of the “dream” so many women have.  It’s NOT true.  Once you wake up from that dream, that’s when life really begins.  Those qualities are not called standards, they are “jailers” that keep you confined and limited, and always, ALWAYS, the same.

When you read magazines, or books like Act Like A  Woman, Think Like A Man by Steve Harvey and Letters To A Young Sister by Hill Harper, they forget to tell you that.  I will never be duped by anything but the truth. A man cannot teach me to be a woman, and vice versa.  Once women stop buying this garbage, will they know that they already had all the answers, just refused to believe it.  You don’t have to “behave” a certain way to get married, just watch the show Bridezillas.  Totally defunct women, who are still finding love and acceptance.

If these books are not saying all of that, then it’s worthless.  I want to read more books written by happy women who show how THEY did it.  Let me explain.

I have a wonderful relationship right now with a man who sort of just walked in my life while I was home.  A friend suggested him for me.  I didn’t meet him at the club, at the mall, online or on a boatride or party.  I had seen my friend many times before, and she never suggested this person for me.  She is NOT one to hook people up, but she herself is in a happy relationship so there was no need for her to feel threatened.  She bought him up casually one day.   Since I reached out, me and this man have been inseparable.  He has been more of a man to me than I have ever had.  He treats me like gold, speaks to me gently, listens to me, but he also teaches me, leads me, and *&cks the hell out of me on a regular basis.  Could I ask for more?  Well, he’s not a millionaire, but an intelligent man with a respectable job, owns property, has a small modest business, he’s working on growing, and was previously married. We are currently designing our life and future right now.  Long talks on the phone, planning, anticipating.   He’s vulnerable and ready.  I wouldn’t trade him in for anything.

So, my point?  Don’t worry about  what books tell you.  I didn’t have a 3 month waiting period, or a Wednesday cut off date for a date.  I didn’t put myself on the market and perch myself at events to meet monied men.  Broaden your options, that is what it’s really about.  Single women call it settling, hence, why they are single.    Most of these women will NEVER get married.  That job, that money, that look is not what will get you a husband or  a partner.  It’s how you much you allow yourself to broaden your options and plan strategically.  What you need at 25, you don’t need at 35.  I do hope you know the difference.   Don’t buy into the hype and marketing that SINGLE men push.   Or the hype that makes it look easy, cute, and sexy.  It is not.  I have been there.  I didn’t want to be single, and have always been a woman built for companionship.  I know there are some women who are not, and more power to them.  I do not want to be them for a day.  I like being vulnerable, feminine, wise, and respected, protected and loved by a man.

At the end of the day, if you are single, it’s only your fault.  All the degrees and acumens are not going to make you look less crazy than a woman who is and lives alone with her cats or dog.

BOTTOM LINE: Free Yourself.

Guest Blogger “Gloria Vanner” lives in Manhattan and is currently engaged.

Accessorize Your Sexy: Part II

Belts
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By Guest Blogger, Goldie

Ladies.

The last category I touched base about was Headgear. Hats, headbands, scarves and the like are a good way to keep that hair in place. It can take a simple hairstyle to a new level.

Now onto to my personal favorite: BELTS!!! There should be a few belts in your closet that can assist your outfit. One that always does the trick is a skinny belt, one that can be worn tight around your waist or fit into your belt loops of your low-waisted jeans. You can choose whatever color though a black or brown will have versatility. A thick, waist cinching belt is a miust have. You need it to show your waist, even in the most shapeless of dresses. You can give anything a sexy silhouette when you belt it up!

The last suggestion I’ll make on belts is something fun! A print or texture on a belt can make a simple outfit become just a bit more interesting or even a conversation piece.

An Alphanista makes sure to keep an air of mystery. We can’t be an open book or they won’t come back for seconds. Reel ’em in but keep them at the dock with a nice pair of shades. Don’t tell me you can’t find a good pair for you because almost any retailer that wants to sell their merchandise will have a mirror close by.Try a few on and see what size and style best fits the shape of you face, then go from there. For me, large framed way-fayers just won’t do but a rounded square will. Plus these will come in handy when you look tired or didn’t have enough time to beat that face (makeup term) before running an errand.

I hate to categorize shoes into accessories section because they should have a full blog of their own. I’ll attempt to keep it condensed for now. One should have a few conservative shoes. A black pair of closed toe, a nude closed toe, and a metallic strappy sandal. Those will go so far in anyone’s wardrobe, so if you’re in cahoots about what style shoe to wear with that new purchase think of those three choices I’ve just provided you . Can you put a strappy sandal next to that plum colored wrap dress? Yes, well then go get a pair because no matter what you spend on these staple pairs it will be money well spent. Those platform multicolored gladiator shoes don’t work with EVERYTHING so sweetheart you need to get the shoe that will. More bang for your buck!

Last is Makeup!

I know makeup isn’t technically an accessory but it’s about time some of you ladies saw it my way. If your outfit is done up and your face looks like a dry bland mess, who will want the product. Now mind you some women can and do get away with not wearing makeup but that simply cannot go for everyone. Everyone should have a few lipsticks to keep up with beauty’s trends. A black eyeliner, preferably kohl to rim those eyes and give the minimalist’s smoky look is another. You should have a good blush/bronzer because EVERYONE can benefit from a sunkissed glow. Also, a Body shimmer will do the trick every time. This will take your skin color to the next level. It looks good on collar bones, shins, bustline, shoulders, and arms.

You will be suprised how good you’ll look photographed with a little body shimmer in a color similar to your undertone. That’s all ladies. there are other things like watches, body piercings, and other randomalities that I’m sure we can all argue are imperative but those are staples for some, not all. Please take this list and develop a well-rounded wardrobe. How you apply this to your future purchases is up to you but along everyone’s creativity and interpretation there are standards that will solve many of our “what am I going to wear” problems.

Guest blogger Goldie Goldie is a Public Relations student interested in Fashion Publicity and Reporting. Find out more at www.goldlabeler.com.

www.chickdowntown.com

Good Life: Zanzibar

“An alpha female traveling alone always finds people who want to take care of her”—Anonymous

By Guest Blogger Amyrae

I’ve found that the most gratifying way to experience culture while traveling, is to do it through the eyes of the locals.

Whether you go with a friend who is a native of the land, or you make acquaintances with the bartender from the hotel bar, being exposed and open to the everyday happenings of life with a local offers unparalleled cultural learning.

On a recent trip to Zanzibar I had an interesting encounter with a Masai transvestite, which I could never have anticipated prior to befriending some local fishermen at a bonfire on the beach in Paje.  It all started innocently enough…they were cooking up the catch of the day and offered me my first taste of barracuda and a nice cold beer to go with it.  Hours and many introductions later they filled the fire pit with sand and said that they were moving on to party at an all night disco and asked if I wanted to come along.  The local females who had joined the group by this point were also very friendly and welcoming, so I felt plenty comfortable accepting their invitation.

In typical Zanzibari fashion, we chased down a ride along the road out of town, piled in on top of laps, cargo, even a chicken, and headed to the disco.   Shaking it to the Bongo flava and Taraab beats, I found myself dancing next to an elaborately dressed Masai woman who had her own exotic moves to share.  It was one of those thrilling moments that really makes you appreciate all the excitement life has to offer!  It wasn’t until one of the Muslim men that I arrived with became agitated that I stepped away to show my respect.  I had no idea what his problem was at the time, I was having a blast, but looking out for my way back home, I didn’t want to upset him.  After his revelation that “that is not a woman” I couldn’t help but see the humor in the situation and I was awed once again at the cultural experience and learning.

Another great way to meet and experience local culture is to seek out the popular pastime activity.  In Paje it happened to be scuba diving.  I went to the dive center, located right on the beach, and although I soon realized that the excursions were a little out of my budget, I befriended a few of the dive instructors who were happy to entertain me with their underwater adventure stories.  Once again, after hours of great conversation, they invited me out for beers and local cuisine at a spot far more interesting, not to mention affordable, than the resort setting I’d been staying in.  Another night of dancing, great food, great company, and even an invitation to go snorkeling the next day (for free) left me feeling like a local…and by the end of the week I had an invitation to become one.  It was a tough offer to resist!

Amyrae is in Brooklyn, NY and an aspiring writer, humanitarian, world traveler, and philanthropist living and loving life one day at a time, checking things off of her ever expanding TO DO list.

Weekend Rewind: My Sex, My Way….

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This one deserves a day of its own!  Enjoy this blast from the past for our weekend rewind.  A Classic!

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By Guest Blogger, The Hooker Chronicles

I have to admit it.

Being African American and growing up in a predominantly African American community has been a hindrance for me sexually, as it is for MOST African Americans who grew up in a similar community as mine.  As African Americans we are constantly taught by our Baptist church going, bible toting grannies and aunties that sex is nasty, especially anal and oral.  It wasn’t until my mid 20’s that I decided to buck everything I had learned from my family, and take on my sexual experience with a vengeance.

So armed with my promiscuity and slight intellect, I sought out to prove that what I had learned from church was nothing more than insignificant cultural brain washing.

First things first – I had to learn about other cultures, including ancient ones, and their views on sex and religion.  That search led me to the ancient teachings of the Kama Sutra.  Even in the ancient cites of Tibet and India, the followers worshiped sex deities (Gods), and one in particular was “YabYum”.  Unlike Jesus, YabYum had a wife, and their sexual union was the essence of the entire religion.  Whenever you saw statues of the God YabYum, it was usually him in a sexual act with his wife.  These types of deities and theologies were abundant before the European Christian Crusades destroyed them all and introduced the world to Christianity.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not here to spread my anti-Christian message to the masses, because that’s not my duty or desire.  I’m just here to present you with truth, facts, and an unconventional way of viewing sex.

Because lets face it- the world is too large and too old to be hanging onto one little simple minded idea, that we all seem to have learned from our rather simple minded communities.

To find out more about this guest blogger, please go to http://thehookerchronicles.blogspot.com/.

A Hooker’s Take On Steve Harvey

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Click on the book to buy and see for yourself!

Guest Blogger, The Hooker Chronicles

Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man By Steve Harvey

Good lord, nothings screams gullible like a bunch of women taking love and relationship advice from a man who’s been married 3 times and divorced 2. But hey, if they like it, I love it.

But let’s look at it positively. Let’s say that these women think that Steve Harvey is just so incredibly wise that he can, actually, condense all the complexity of relationship dynamics into a 243 page paperback book. They’d be wrong, of course. If that were true, we’d have far less females taking a trip to the Government office building to fill out child support papers and State Aid.

On the other hand, I do agree with Steve’s advice on the basics. Support your man, love your man, have sex with your man. In a relationship, those three things are the main ingredients. But again, that advice is nothing revolutionary or ground breaking, that’s just common sense.

As I was reading the book, I quickly began to realize that a lot of the advice he’s giving is advice for a woman looking to date ……him. He doesn’t touch on societal contribution to the deterioration of the black family and relationships; and how most of the problems stem from a fundamental lack of respect that black people tend to have for each other. I say black people, because I do feel that this book was largely written with black people in mind.

He never really touches on serious issues plaguing our communities, and I guess that’s because he’s not a serious dude. But if you want the truth about single womanhood, then understand that a LOT of our issues comes from the way we were raised, and how we were taught to view our men.

If you grew up in a household where your mammy constantly reiterated how much of a dog your daddy was, then chances are you have been “nurtured” into the exact same mind fame.

Another thing I found silly about his book was his 90 rule, which tells a woman to wait 90 days before she has sex with a new boyfriend, and I’m here to tell you that’s BULLSH*T. If a man is interested in you, and I mean really interested, then he’s going to stick around…..period! That’s the same stupid game women play once they get the man down the isle, and then before you know it, he’s cheating.

So in the end, Steve Harvey’s book is great for a laugh and its entertainment value. But ultimately shouldn’t be viewed as a cutting edge “how to guide”!

To find out more about our guest blogger, please go to http://thehookerchronicles.blogspot.com/.