Tag: guest blogger

5 Things I’ll Never Get Used To As An Alphanista

newyorkBy Guest Blogger Te-Erika Patterson

People staring at me
What the hell are you looking at? You’ve never seen a raw ass b*tch with a short cut before?! Damn! Just go ahead and take out your camera and ask me for a picture while you’re at it!

People asking me for advice
What in the hell? Do I look like a counselor to you? I haven’t even made my first million yet- you’re the one driving the Beemer! Just because I don’t give a damn about what you think (and you wanna be more like that) doesn’t mean at any given moment I’m willing to listen to your problems and teach you how to think. Here’s my main piece of advice so you won’t have to ask me again. “F**k what they think about you!”

Dudes walking up to me with hard-on’s
Dude! Control your penis. Why in the hell are you introducing yourself to me and your ding-a-ling is about to poke me in the belly? Go BUY some kitty kat if it’s that serious. Just because you did that, I’m NEVER having sex with you!

Invitations to go party-hopping
Hell NO I’m not going to South Beach with you when we just met! I know you just want to show me off and pretend like you have a hot girlfriend when I am not even trying to give you any booty. Take it slow. Let me see that you deserve to have me as your trophy for an evening. Don’t think you can boost your star quality by rolling with me and you haven’t even paid any of my bills yet.

Women asking me to go shopping with them
The truth is— I hate to shop! I just throw on a mixture of stuff from my closet to create my signature style. I’m not your personal stylist. I am not going to the mall with you to help you put together your look. Create your own style and if you can’t, just go with the simple way to be glam. Buy a white wife beater and wear your favorite pair of jeans with a pair of heels (the color or style of heels doesn’t matter). Go inside the dollar store and find the craziest pair of earrings you see and a bracelet that does not match. Put it all together. Go out and be admired.

Honorable Mention
Being so popular but being so lonely
Why is it that everyone wants my advice, my attention and my time yet…every night I’m on facebook and twitter just itching for a conversation? I haven’t gotten any in MONTHS and I never go out and relax and socialize. I’m so focused on ‘becoming’ that I sometimes forget to just ‘BE’. I’m tired of this solitary confinement. I feel like Ariel in the Little Mermaid. ~singing~ I wanna be where the people are….

To find out more about this guest blogger, please go to http://te-erika.blogspot.com/.

WEEKEND REWIND: How To Tame An “Alphanista”

By Guest Blogger Te-Erika Patterson

If you’re up for a challenge, your relationship with an Alphanista will be the most frustrating, yet exhilarating ride that you’ve ever experienced- that is, if you know how to navigate the rocky terrain.

Sometimes I meet men who have so much potential but they just don’t get it. With a free spirit like me, you have to operate differently. The same rules that you’ll use with the average woman who uses her skills in the kitchen or the bedroom to snag her man won’t work with me.

Although there will never be a definitive guide to taming an Alphanista, (because she can not be tamed) following these suggestions will get you closer to your goal- the rest is up to God.

Be Consistent
You have to be consistent, mainly because I’m not. My preferences or taste buds can shift whenever the wind blows and I am energized by the complete freedom to change my mind on a whim. It’s challenging enough to wake up and decide what I want out of life “today” so I need a man who means what he says and does what he promises to do, day in and day out. Since most people alter their opinions to match mine, a man who is consistent with his preferences, expectations and actions provides the kind of structure that translates erotically.

Say Yes
You don’t say “no” when I see something pretty because you don’t have to. Your finances are not shaken by the state of the economy because your resources are long and strong. Even if you do lose out on a business venture, you have 5 more right behind it that are flourishing. You believe I deserve the best that life has to offer and you know it’s your responsibility to give it to me. I’m your fantasy woman and you’re not about to spoil your dream come true by not being able to give me my heart’s desires.  There’s nothing that delights you more than watching my eyes twinkle as I give you a kiss after trying on one of your sparkly gifts or receiving a phone call from a business connection that you supplied. Thank you!

Correct Me
Yes, I do run shit in most situations and it is completely within my reach to do so elegantly but spending so much time teaching and molding others can take a toll on the psyche of an Alphanista. Don’t abuse this gift but I want to give you the secret; I like
being taught and corrected by my man. If you can teach me something that will add to the success of my business endeavors I will definitely keep you around longer. And…every once in while, I need to be reminded that I am a mere mortal. An intentional, open handed smack to my rump will revitalize me and I will thank you for it.

Feed Me
I like to eat. You bring the food. That’s your job every single day. Show up to my place empty handed and that proves you don’t give a damn about me or my well-being. Goodbye.

Let It Slide
Sometimes the line between work and play can be blurred, at least in my mind. I have to be the hard ass to get things done and sometimes I carry that attitude home with me. I apologize in advance but you will just have to learn to deal with it. Don’t fight me on it. Let me rant and rave and try to strong arm you into doing the dishes. Instead of overanalyzing my requests- Do the dishes. It doesn’t take away from your role as my man. When I come down off of my power trip, I’ll realize what I’ve done and you’ll benefit from an apology you’ll never forget.

Let Me Love You
Yes, I have a whole list of people whose main desire is to please me but I have a sweet side too. I want to spoil you and pamper you and be your trophy too. I want you to brag to your friends about how well I take care of you and how much I add to your success. Don’t fight me when I want to do something nice for you. You deserve it just as much as I do. Let me take you on a trip and buy you something nice. Let me sweep you off your feet. Allow me to use my powers for good in appreciation for the wonderful man that you are. Let me love you in all of the extravagant, calculated ways that I know how because…I want to. Isn’t it your job to give me what I want? Uh huh…That’s right.

Read more about this writer at www.te-erika.blogspot.com.

Weekend Rewind: Alphanista Career Q & A: Crazy Boss!

facebookBy Guest Blogger Wendy Coakley-Thompson

Q:  I logged on to Facebook a couple of weeks ago and noticed a friend request from my boss. This shocked the hell out of me. First of all, I don’t know how she found me there. But the request is troubling, because the woman is hell on heels. Think Miranda Priestley from The Devil Wears Prada – minus the talent and good looks. If she was consistently crazy, then I could get used to her. But this woman is like a box of chocolates; you truly don’t know what you’re going to get from one day to the next. This on top of the borderline racist things she’s said and done, like touching my hair on the sneak tip as if I wouldn’t notice. Or telling me she’s assigning me to projects strictly because both the client and I happen to be Black, like that would give her some kind of advantage.  I’ve prayed about it. I’ve tried to ignore her or treat her like I was raised right. I’ve even asked my friends for advice.

But those friends tell me that I can’t fight crazy with common sense. The only bright spot in my day is leaving her crazy ass and coming home to the safety of social networking. Now I have to see her hideous mug on Facebook. I’m afraid that if I don’t confirm her, I’ll be committing career suicide and exposing myself to a whole other level of insanity. I need this job. Plus crazy boss aside, I love my work. What should I do?

I think you already know the answer to your question.

If your boss is “hell on heels” in the reality of the cube farm, what makes you think she’ll be any less insane in cyberspace? Think of everything you put on your Facebook page. You’d be giving this woman license to pry into your life and spy on you. Don’t think employers don’t do it already. From Googling employees to running credit and background checks on them, employers find reasons to be all up in your life. You only have to type boss+Facebook+friend into your favorite search engine to find reasons why accepting this woman’s friend request is not a good idea. Why would you give the nails for your own coffin to someone who you characterize as a “crazy ass”?

So, what can you do? Door Number One: Accept the friend request anyway and invite this woman into your personal life – not recommended. Door Number Two: Decline the request, with a polite message that reads something like “Thanks, but I prefer to keep my work and private lives separate.” You take your chances with this ballsy move, but you have to weigh the possibility of incurring your boss’s wrath against safeguarding your personal life. Or, Door Number Three, just let the friend request sit there on your home page as ammunition for a possible lawsuit, should it come to that.

And from what you say about this woman, the possibility of litigation doesn’t seem so far-fetched.

Either way, Alphanistas act decisively. If you choose Doors Two or Three and still lose your job, you’ll know that, like a true Alpha female who sticks to her guns, you went out on your feet – not on your knees.

Author Wendy Coakley-Thompson is the DC Publishing Industry Examiner at Examiner.com. Check her out at http://www.examiner.com/x-6658-DC-Publishing-Industry-Examiner.


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It’s All In Your Head

By Guest Blogger Mila

I just watched P.S. I Love You, the movie with Hillary Swank and Gerard Butler.

I cried throughout the whole movie. Despite the pile of wadded tissues I built up, the movie was very good! I recommend watching it if you haven’t already. The opening scene consists of a big fight between Butler (who plays Gerry) and Swank (who plays Holly), who are a married couple. I thought the scene was hilarious in its realistic portrayal of couples arguing.

Swank plays a woman who likes to plan everything out and have things organized the way she likes. Butler plays an easy-going Irish hunk who just loves to crack jokes and play his wife songs on his guitar. When they fight, it builds up into more than what their initial argument was about. They start to pull in past arguments and pick at all these little things. My favorite lines go something like this-

Swank: “Do you want to leave? Then leave!”
Butler: “NO I don’t want to leave. Do YOU want me to leave?”
Swank: “No, but if you want to leave then leave. You know you already want to leave.”
Butler: “Well if you want me to leave then I’m leaving.”
Swank: “FINE leave.”

Catch the miscommunication there? I laughed out loud because I can think of many people (including me) who do this when they fight. You create huge arguments in your head, when the actual argument at hand isn’t really that bad. The best thing to do in a fight is to stay calm and rational. It’s so easy to pick on someone when you’re really mad. I’ll bring up little things that didn’t even bother me before. All of a sudden they become daggers I toss around in my argument. The truth is that little things aren’t really weapons in a fight. They just make things worse.

So, stay rational even when all you want to do is throw something at your man’s face. Remember what’s in your head and what’s actually the issue at hand.

Mila is in her twenties and lives and works in New York City. She loves writing, running, and good music. If there’s a dance party, she’s there.

Sexy Snacks? Well, Of Course…

womaneatBy Guest Blogger Mila

I love snacking. I eat all day long.

My friends ask me how I maintain my healthy weight. Well, I work out, but I also eat a lot. The key is to eat tasty healthy snacks. Note that I said tasty healthy, not just healthy. Often healthy snacks lack in calories, but they lack in taste as well. This leaves you feeling unsatisfied and craving more food. Usually it results in a guilty snack binge from the vending machine at work- bad news for those of us trying to get sexy for upcoming vacations. So, below are 7 nutritious, low-calorie but also delicious snacks (and what they can replace in your diet) to keep you happy, satisfied, and fit:

– Trade fried potato chips for popcorn.

– Trade sugary candy for low-sugar but flavorful cereal.

– Trade soft pretzels for pretzel sticks and a small amount of dip like peanut butter.

– Trade ice-cream for fruit-and-yogurt parfaits.

– Trade delivery pizza for home-made pizza with veggies on whole-wheat pitas.

– Trade chocolate bars for chocolate pudding or chocolate milk.

– Trade French fries for baked potato wedges

If you can’t stop snacking unhealthy, try buying only healthy options. If it’s not in your fridge or pantry, you’re less likely to eat it. At work, keep healthy snacks at your desk so you don’t find yourself wandering over to the vending machine. My co-workers like to take a mid-day walk to get snacks and coffee. If I don’t have snacks at my desk, I end up buying things like rice-crispy treats. To cure that mid-day sugar craving, have those healthy snacks ready at your desk. Take the walk with your co-workers, but come back to the healthy snacks. You’ll find that you’re happier because you don’t get the post sugar-high crash.

Sometimes you just crave a snack that you know isn’t good for you. It is ok once in awhile to have that chocolate bar or bag of chips. As long as it doesn’t become a daily habit, you’ll be fine. I find that if I’m craving something badly, I won’t stop until I get it. So rather than eating my way through the fridge and then eating the chocolate cake, I just go straight for the cake. I just add a glass of skim milk to make myself feel better.

Share some of your favorite snacks!

Mila is in her twenties and lives and works in New York City. She loves writing, running, and good music. If there’s a dance party, she’s there.

Don’t Be A Chicken At The BBQ…

By Guest Blogger, Goldie

Ladies, I seem to notice a plethora of women at cookouts wearing ill fitting attire.

Shapeless tanks that only enhance the shapeless bra along with khaki shorts in funky lengths and flat sandals that do nothing but make your toes look long. That, alphanistas, is not our way of life. I’d like to extend my vision of a perfect barbecue outfit.

When I see myself going to a gathering outdoors I instantly think 50’s retro. Take it back to a full skirted sundress or a thin plaid shirt and capris . Both of these fabulous outfits can be worn with wedges.

Now, I’m quite aware of different styles that are suitable with these events so I’ll continue on past my own liking. Think light, this is the one time where a little bit of matronly garb can look appealing.
When you walk in with your pretty little linen dress and embellished flats, all eyes will be on your arrival. A maxi dress in a graphic print (not solid) will seize the day. A long tank dress, and loosely tied leather belt will enhance, enhance, enhance.

I urge you to ponder above and beyond the “wal-mart” wardrobe the other women have adopted for this occasion. Just because the crowd will be carefree doesn’t mean you have to be careless.

Guest blogger Goldie Goldie is a Public Relations student interested in Fashion Publicity and Reporting. Find out more at www.goldlabeler.com.

Virgin Monologues: Take Care Of The Temple

waterBy Guest Blogger, Gladys Wilson (ohthesweet)

Thank you everyone, Thank you. Before I accept this award, I would like to thank all of the people who have helped me get here.

Most of all I would like to thank me Mother and my Father for my Genes….

We all have genes and they make us either apple bottoms, flat bottoms or no bottoms at all. We have been given a set of genes and yes, I know you had no choice, but you got what you have so now move on. There is no excuse for us to misuse and desecrate this beautiful temple we have all been given.

The female body is one of the most beautiful structures God made on this earth. Just ask any man he will agree with me. Our skin tones vary from milk chocolate to dark chocolate and all of the shades in between. Our curves go from deep to wide. Yes ladies, we have a mighty fine body.

I want to leave you with one word, holistic. We need to be concerned about our body, mind and soul. Being a virgin is more than just what I will not do with a man. It is a holistic approach to life. I have the need to be perfect in all areas of my life and health is in my top 10 category. I may have gotten certain genes from my parents that predispose me to certain diseases, but I choose my destiny according to the man up stairs. Here are the two preventable diseases that women my be predisposed to, and they are making HEADLINES:

  • Heart Disease (more women are dying from it than breast cancer)
  • Type 2 Diabetes (can be prevented with weight control and smart living)

Prevent these diseases by exercising, eating right, hugging as many loved as you can in a day and take some time to feed your mind and your soul.

To find out more about our guest blogger, please go to http://ohthesweetpromise.wordpress.com/.

5 Alphanista Things to Do When You Get Laid Off

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By Guest Blogger, Author Wendy Coakley-Thompson

In two decades in the workplace, I’ve been laid off three times – coincidentally when there was a President Bush in office.

It’s not so bad at first. You experience jubilation at sleeping in and watching all the Oprah you can stand. Then, worry sets in, along with sleeplessness… and the realization that you’ve watched all the Oprah you can stand. Being laid off sucks.

If you’ve recently lost your job, you’re not alone. According to the Bureau of Labor and Statistics, as of March of this year, the unemployment rate rose to 8.5%. Since December of 2007, like magician David Copperfield just went POOF, 5.1 million jobs disappeared!  Lately, it seems like people who haven’t been laid off are the anomaly. If you’re among the 5.1 million, listen up. Here’s what worked for me when I found myself out of a job:

1.    Freak out. Allow yourself to feel badly and act out – within reason, of course. You’ve experienced a devastating loss; accept the freak-out as part of the grieving process. Trust me; the freak-out is coming anyway. You might as well get it over with now, on your own terms, so that you can focus on what you have to do.

2.    Assess Your Resources. Whether it’s time, money, contacts, etc., see what type and amount of these resources you have at your disposal. This will drive how long you allow for your freak-out and how much time you have to get to Step #5.

3.    Re-examine your career goals. The last time I was laid off, I used that time to ask myself what exactly I wanted to do with my life. Maybe you want to be an actor instead of a nurse, or a teacher… or an instructional designer. Use this time to find out. If you still want to be a lineman for the county, that’s fine too.

4.    Connect with family and friends. Oprah just aired a show on Dan Buettner’s book The Blue Zones, where more people over the age of 100 tend to live than anywhere else on the planet. One thing centenarians in all five blue zones have in common is their strong interpersonal networks. Back to you. The worst thing you can do at this time is to shut people out. You mightn’t live to be 100, but strengthening your interpersonal connections keeps your mind off your own problems and lessens your stress and worry.

5.    Plan your attack on the job market. Now that you’ve gone through Steps #1-4 and done the up-front work, you are ready for your strategic assault on the classifieds, Monster.com, Careerbuilder.com, USAJobs.gov, headhunters, and your connections in the workplace. Having a healthy mindset increases your likelihood of scattering your precious seeds only on the fertile ground of employers who are ready for you.

Of course, for some, this might not be a linear process. But it’s what worked for this Alphanista. The chances are good that it might work for you too.
Good luck!

Author Wendy Coakley-Thompson is the DC Publishing Industry Examiner at Examiner.com. Check her out at http://www.examiner.com/x-6658-DC-Publishing-Industry-Examiner.

Everybody Wants To Be Me, But…

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By Guest Blogger Te-Erika Patterson

Although I am an Alpha female and future superstar on the rise, that doesn’t mean that I don’t experience many lonesome nights.

Because I’m often the leader of the pack and very much focused on my goals and dreams so many people come to me for advice, encouragement and approval yet, there’s no one for me to turn to.

While my friends are preoccupied with boyfriends, jobs and finding themselves I’m usually planning my next innovative project and reaching out to other women who have accomplished the dreams that I have. It brings me extreme pleasure when I make a good connection yet, I yearn for someone to share my journey with.

I’m not just talking about having a boyfriend; there are plenty of men who can fulfill my sexual and companionship needs. What I’m looking for is someone who truly understands what it’s like to be surrounded by people who all want what you have- that brilliance, that confidence, that inner light that beckons people from near and far.

Every successful person knows that in order to be a true leader, you must first be a true servant. I spend my days and some nights counseling others, encouraging them and helping them to recognize their inner power. By the time I’m done with my daily inspirational duties, I’m exhausted and left feeling empty. No one knows this of course. Perhaps no one even cares. They come to receive direction and I give without hesitation yet I would love to see the day when I can kick back and receive the same type of inspiration and positive energy that I give.

I can’t walk away from who I am and what I give as a leader because being who I am truly brings me joy. It’s just…As I participate in the creation of other people’s prosperity while I’m on my own grind to achieve dreams that are more grandiose than average, I do wish to someday take a break and allow someone else to take the reins for a little while.

I imagine the day when I will only be Alpha when I want to be. But that day will only come when I’ve linked up with someone that I can trust to lead me where I’m already going. You know, someone who has already been there and understands the importance of allowing me the time and space to rest so that I can be refreshed and give even more.

Until then…of course I’ll help you. How may I serve you today?

The Negro Consultant and the Movie “Good Hair”

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By Guest Blogger  Wendy Coakley-Thompson

Chris Rock put us black women on blast with his new movie, Good Hair.

As you know, in the flick, he dishes about black women and all the ways that we try to tame their hair. In characteristic Chris Rock style, he explores, among other things, weaves, hair shows, and chemical relaxers – aka, “the creamy crack.”

During a lull on the job recently, I was talking to a white co-worker about Good Hair. Well, folks, when you’re part of a diversity posse in this age of Obama, sometimes you find yourself in the role of the Negro Consultant. The conversation shifted, and this co-worker, genuinely curious, suddenly asked me why black women get so mad when white people ask them questions about their hair. I chose to see that as a teachable moment. Hell, I’d rather that she’d asked me about my hair than just presumptuously reach out and touch it, like the crazy boss that I’d told you about. You remember…the one who sent her black subordinate a Facebook request?

Plus my co-worker was right. Why should we black women assume that white people would know anything about perms, or braids, or especially about sewing tracks for weaves? One black comedian talking about Madam C.J. Walker, the black woman who invented a special straightening comb, asked who else but a sistah would have done it?  Still, if you can believe this, some black folks are mad at Chris Rock. One of my Examiner colleagues reported that the Internet is abuzz with folks accusing Chris Rock of presenting black women as shallow self-haters.

Unbelievable.

Personally, I ain’t mad at Chris Rock. In fact, I’m pleased. Because of him informing while entertaining, I may not get questions about how I wash my dreadlocks (umm… lather, rinse, repeat. Duh!). Or if I wash my dreadlocks (emphatically, yes, I do!). I’m thankful that Chris Rock is dispelling myths and revealing secrets about us.

Anybody who lightens my load as the Negro Consultant can get my twelve bucks at the movies any time.

Author Wendy Coakley-Thompson is the DC Publishing Industry Examiner at Examiner.com. Check her out at http://www.examiner.com/x-6658-DC-Publishing-Industry-Examiner.