Tag: facebook

Weekend Rewind: Alphanista Career Q & A: Crazy Boss!

facebookBy Guest Blogger Wendy Coakley-Thompson

Q:  I logged on to Facebook a couple of weeks ago and noticed a friend request from my boss. This shocked the hell out of me. First of all, I don’t know how she found me there. But the request is troubling, because the woman is hell on heels. Think Miranda Priestley from The Devil Wears Prada – minus the talent and good looks. If she was consistently crazy, then I could get used to her. But this woman is like a box of chocolates; you truly don’t know what you’re going to get from one day to the next. This on top of the borderline racist things she’s said and done, like touching my hair on the sneak tip as if I wouldn’t notice. Or telling me she’s assigning me to projects strictly because both the client and I happen to be Black, like that would give her some kind of advantage.  I’ve prayed about it. I’ve tried to ignore her or treat her like I was raised right. I’ve even asked my friends for advice.

But those friends tell me that I can’t fight crazy with common sense. The only bright spot in my day is leaving her crazy ass and coming home to the safety of social networking. Now I have to see her hideous mug on Facebook. I’m afraid that if I don’t confirm her, I’ll be committing career suicide and exposing myself to a whole other level of insanity. I need this job. Plus crazy boss aside, I love my work. What should I do?

I think you already know the answer to your question.

If your boss is “hell on heels” in the reality of the cube farm, what makes you think she’ll be any less insane in cyberspace? Think of everything you put on your Facebook page. You’d be giving this woman license to pry into your life and spy on you. Don’t think employers don’t do it already. From Googling employees to running credit and background checks on them, employers find reasons to be all up in your life. You only have to type boss+Facebook+friend into your favorite search engine to find reasons why accepting this woman’s friend request is not a good idea. Why would you give the nails for your own coffin to someone who you characterize as a “crazy ass”?

So, what can you do? Door Number One: Accept the friend request anyway and invite this woman into your personal life – not recommended. Door Number Two: Decline the request, with a polite message that reads something like “Thanks, but I prefer to keep my work and private lives separate.” You take your chances with this ballsy move, but you have to weigh the possibility of incurring your boss’s wrath against safeguarding your personal life. Or, Door Number Three, just let the friend request sit there on your home page as ammunition for a possible lawsuit, should it come to that.

And from what you say about this woman, the possibility of litigation doesn’t seem so far-fetched.

Either way, Alphanistas act decisively. If you choose Doors Two or Three and still lose your job, you’ll know that, like a true Alpha female who sticks to her guns, you went out on your feet – not on your knees.

Author Wendy Coakley-Thompson is the DC Publishing Industry Examiner at Examiner.com. Check her out at http://www.examiner.com/x-6658-DC-Publishing-Industry-Examiner.


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Silence is Golden

Lately I have been thinking of shutting down my Facebook.

I have over 1000 friends and I don’t know who is who anymore.   There are perks to Facebook, and for someone like me, I get a chance to market lots of my products and services.

It’s the downside that’s wearing on me.  The job of starting over and cutting my FB “friends” down by 3/4 is too overwhelming.  But it’s not just the numbers, it’s also the thought of all these people (most I don’t know, but accepted because they know someone I know or are fans of my books) seeing everything I put up.  Granted, I don’t put up alot.  But even if it’s “I’m eating a hamburger now” type message or “I just found $100 in the street” type message, I still hate to think that there are haters out there.  Or evil-eye folks.  You know those friends you never hear from, never communicate with you, just want to “watch” you and be nosy.   That’s just bad energy.

A FB friend of mine recently announced she had a baby.  I emailed her and said I had no idea she was preggers.  She said, she didnt put it on FB because pregnant women need to be protected.  I totally understood it.  WE all need to be protected on social networks like FB.  Not from burglars and robbers, but from the energy or thoughts of others about you.  We can’t please everybody, but damn, don’t make it so easy to be a target.  It’s like running out in the streets everyday, and running up to strangers and telling them your ups and downs.

You put stuff up to share that 8 of your friends may enjoy, but now you have 1800 friends and everyone sees it.

We all have good and bad news, and feel so free to share it with the world.  But you don’t know who is watching.  REALLY YOU DON’T.  When you put all your forces out there, you lose power and you open up yourself.  You need a strong armor, a spiritual armor to thwart these types of things.  I have even had people tell me they feel “weaker” after using FB.  Like tired, irritated, etc.  These were the same folks who were on it for hours at a time months ago.  Energy, folks.

I’ll let you know what I decide.

Why I Quit Facebook

I officially quit Facebook today.

It had been a year of back and forth on what to do.  When I first started in 2007, it was fun, reconnecting with old friends, making new ones, looking at people’s baby pictures–for a minute.  It was nice reading the updates and responding to what you had for dinner, a new job, or your latest trip.  It was nice.

But then I realized, WTF? I was collecting friends and receiving like 25-50 requests a day.  Because I am an author and have received some notoriety I thought it was polite to accept.  Maybe they would become friends or supporters.  But they retreated into  a dark space where they watched me but never interacted with me. Spooky.

I didn’t know half of these people and I was still caring what happened.  It all began to feel like clutter.  Just stuff.  I really began to care less.  It got to a point within the last year that I stopped using it.  Here are my reasons in a more orderly fashion:

–MIXED MESSAGES:

It didn’t allow me to be my complete self.  I would go in and post a few things, and leave.  You just got a snippet.  I had two fan pages, and a personal profile, and it became splintered and too “salesy” feeling.

— VOYEURISM

It just opens a whole can of kick ass on some relationships and I want no part of it.  Why do people care where I am, what I did last night, and I haven’t ever spoken to them or picked up a phone to call them?  There could be a crazie looking at my photos at 3am in the dark.  Yes, even that “normal” friend.  You never know.  Seen Forensic Files lately?  The idea of being watched and I don’t know who is really watching or what crazies out there are keeping tabs is troublesome.   I don’t think it’s right to give any stranger or even “friend” that kind of access.  There is energy in everything we do and see, and this breeds negative energy.

–PRIVACY:

I learned that some people need to be kept in your past.  That person from HS that never spoke to you but now reaches out because you were in the same class?  Uhm, no.  That ex you’ve moved on from wants to come back.  Really?  [Insert laughter] There is a quote I love from Shinn, “flee from things that flee from thee”.   Never chase the past.  FB makes it too easy to find people.  I don’t like that.

–STRUCTURE

I learned that in order to live a healthy life–spiritually, financially, sexually and professionally–you need to monitor what you see, hear, and read.   Leaving FB is part of an essential lifestyle makeover.

–FREEDOM

I learned that I still want to engage with people who really want to know me and admire my work in more positive and constructive ways.  I did this via my FB pages.  Sure, pages are more of a marketing tool, but they also give me a platform to stay true to what I do, and help others, and be helped.

–FAKERY

I got tired of the armchair philosophers with their misspelled quotes about life, relationships, Amy Winehouse.  Everyone is so deep and meaningful online but hell on wheels in their real lives.   People also lead these second lives online to take them away from improving their real lives.  They go from empty to empty.

–MINIMALISM

I want just a simple, less cluttered existence.  The amount of FB junk mail was ridiculous.  I had no use for its inbox or instant messaging services or keeping in touch with people I don’t know, or don’t know anymore.  Everybody can’t be a friend.

If you want to keep in touch with me please send me a personal email, call me, or check me on Twitter.  My blog is my primary online space and quitting Facebook frees up my time to devote to it.  Not saying I will never return to FB, but for now, I’m out.

Read my first post about this