Tag: dating alpha female

Dating Obama: An Alphanista’s Search

By Te-Erika Patterson

The Alphanista is fascinated by the relationship between our President Barack Obama and his wife Michelle. The First Lady and her husband are an Alphanista match made in heaven.  With her strength, will and support, he has accomplished a feat that many never thought was possible. Despite walking into the aftermath of a failing economy and many nay sayers, he has stood firm in his strategic plan of reform. Together, they have made history and inspired a new romantic fantasy.

The election of our country’s first Black president has had a slow leaking effect on African Americans nationwide. After the inception of this website which speaks to women who strive to recognize and utilize their innate powers to create their best lives, thousands of women have emerged expressing their gratitude for a website that caters to their idealized lifestyle as well as appreciating the guidance, entertainment and encouraging words of those who are currently walking the path.

Many expressed a desire for guidance on how to attract their ideal mate and the staff at Alphanista crafted a plan to help connect them.

In January 2011, we will feature our very first Alphanista Eligible Bachelor of The Month. This monthly feature will profile the country’s finest, most successful men who, much like President Barack Obama, are poised to contribute greatness to this society. He is a man clothed in accomplishment who adds value to his community. We believe that President Obama’s prominence has ignited a new fire in African American women and men. No longer are we looking toward top billing entertainers as representatives of our voice; our voice has changed. It is now being bellowed from the mountain tops from men and women who value education, creative entrepreneurship and a strong business acumen grounded in the belief that we can achieve our heart’s desires by sheer will power and active faith. These are the type of men that would make an Alphanista drool.

Do you know a future Barack Obama who is remarkable beyond measure? If you or someone you know meets these criteria, please send us an email at alphamales@alphanista.com with contact information and a brief paragraph explaining why they should be featured as an Eligible Bachelor. The chosen participants will receive special surprises and an award from our site which gives them the grade A stamp of approval from Alphanistas across the globe.

  • Must be a Male
  • Single
  • Hold a Masters Degree or higher in any field (Entrepreneurship may be substituted for education)
  • Charming
  • A leader in any civic, social or business organization
  • Age 30 and older
  • At least 2 years as an entrepreneur or in an executive position
  • Spiritually grounded

Te-Erika Patterson frequently writes blog posts for Alphanista.  To learn more about her visit her at www.te-erika.blogspot.com.

ADVICE: In Between Two “Good” Men


I’ve broken up with my emotionaly draining boyfriend.

I’ve allowed men to take me out and  I’m looking for charities to attend. I’m on a roll. However, I don’t know what to do about this particular older white gentlemen. He’s a bit loud for my taste and screaming “mid life crisis” but I enjoy the lifestyle he brings.There’s also a music-industry-behind-the-scenes guy, that I’m pretty cool with. I am interested in them both for the lifestyle obviously. Anyways, there’s an event this coming friday that I will be attending. Now I asked my OWG if he would like to accompany me, but now my Industry Buff says he will be attending as well.

They both know I am dating other people  but I don’t feel like paying them both attention to save face. Should I cancel with OWG on Friday(I have a date with him tonight anyways) and just let this Industry buff be my date? Or dammit, let them both bump into each other? Or go by my damn self?

Sugarbaby in Crisis,


Dear Diamond:

You are technically still single, right?

If you can carry an evening with two gentleman who are interested, do it.  You should do it with finesse, by going alone, and meet your date there.  If you come in with someone, it makes you look tied down for the rest of the night. If you do that, then best to tell them both you are flying solo.  Keep in mind, there could be more prospects at this party.

I’ve written for Baller Alert about this very issue.  If there is a “monied” party with high prospects you may never meet again, the last thing you want to do is look taken or occupied.  At the same time, you want to appear desirable to other prospects there.   Make the $1500 ticket worth it!  It’s not to come with someone you just started seeing to get in the way.  You can go with him only if he paid.  Then become a social butterfly leaving him to wander about while you meet other people.  If you go alone, you’ll seem available because you came alone, and most importantly desirable because you will already know two gentlemen that are there, which will provide you lots of opp to smile, talk, fling your hair and catch someone’s eye.  Men like women other men like–period.  That’s why a woman with a man is more likely to attract man than a single gal.  Try it walking down the street one day.

Anyway, if you are ready to play that game, the quickest way to do it is to increase your numbers.   In the civilian world, it takes more time with the right guy.  But in the money world, it just takes more energy.  For example, if you have 3 prospects, it’s very likely (if you do it right) one will lock it down with you in a matter of weeks.  Those men like to move quick, every deal is potential close.  Never settle to be a lease, always be a buy.

From Alphanista w/Love,


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WEEKEND REWIND: Go Out Alone, But Don’t Be Lonely

yeah, it's one of those nights, but make it work
You're alone, but you don't have to be lonely.

As you start your weekend you may be dreading that event you must go to but have no one to take.  Do it alone like a real alpha itchbay.  Enjoy!

You want a relationship.

Your single friends are all married, in love or have moved on. You have no one to hang out with anymore. But like an “alphanista” that’s not going to keep you down. So, you bought the big ticket to the gala, party, dinner, etc. You have weeks to plan. You’re excited. Your mind is spinning with what to wear and who to call. But don’t call anyone.

What’s the point of shelling out hundreds for a ticket to bring friends who you’ll be stuck with the whole night? If you’re hanging with a bunch of women, it may be safe to assume that you don’t feel comfortable being alone. Very unlikely, that you’ll venture off on your own at this party. You want to meet men.  To meet men, you have to learn to hold yourself together. Striking out alone is a sign of confidence.

Men are more likely to approach a woman when she is alone. You must learn how to be alone, but not lonely.

1. Arrive EARLY. This gives you plenty of time to relax, get a drink, and canvass the place. The goal here is to get comfortable. Mess with the blackberry, smile, be nice to the other girls, but don’t move around too much.

2. Get a good place at the bar or near the entry way. It looks like you’re about to leave, but you don’t. You ask to find the host or promoter. Introduce yourself, you’re from not around these parts and you hope to have a good time. Ask him/her to introduce you around. In the case that there is not 1 host or hostess, still find the organizers. Ask how you can be kept informed of events, and have them introduce you to people. A woman alone in the world is a beautiful thing. People always want to take care of you. That’s your profile-for tonight.

3. Find another woman who’s alone. There’s always one. She’s probably an Alpha-Female too, so tread carefully. She’ll more than likely spot you first. Talk to her. Most likely, you’ll bond about how little good men there are around (but you know better). It’s fun talk. You both use her each other as wings. Doesn’t matter what her name is but it gives you the chance to smile and laugh so people can see your different faces and postures.

4. Now, it’s your turn. No need to go up to any man. But look confident and give men eye contact. You’ll catch one. He’ll approach. One always does. Don’t let him buy you a drink. You’re still holding the one from before! Just talk to him. Ask him if he wants to dance. Yes, ask him! This will give you a chance to work your body for all eyes to see. Remember, he is your pawn. Two songs then move on. Remember, it’s early you don’t want to be tied down. If there is no music, then engage him in small talk.

5. Guys will now DEFINITELY be looking at you. This is usually guaranteed.  One dance is always the start of many more. The rest is up to you.

Men Who Have Issues With Money Have Issues

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a blog about what’s wrong with liking a man with money.  After that blog, I had a conversation with James, a male friend of mine about this very topic.  He said he believed there was nothing wrong for a woman desiring a man who has money or is wealthy because men desire women who are pretty and/or good in bed.  These things don’t mean you will get it, but it is always nice to keep the bar high. At least when you drop it, you know you are, and can make the best decision at that time.

So, I surmised that any man who has a problem with a woman desiring a man with money has a serious issue with life, period.  I say if you encounter a man who gives you the cold shoulder because of this, run away as fast as you can.  He is a man living life on the defensive end.  People who live like this are always trying to deflect problems, situations, are usually emotionally unavailable because they can’t speak their true feelings about something without running away, and are always trying to avoid being taken advantage of.  Anyone who believes they can get taken advantage of deserves to get taken advantage of.  Let that marinate for a minute.

Men have their criteria has mentioned above.  Of course, we all know, that is not all a man wants—beauty and sex–he wants more or the “package”.  So, we should all know that most women don’t want a man who just has money, but has other traits to offer.  It is just a part of her desire, not the complete desire.

A man who is playing life on the offensive end is playing to win at life.  He is not worried about what your ‘yappin about.  He sees “having a man with money” as a moniker to be more ambitious.  Here’s what James said, “If she’s telling me she wants a dude with money.  That just makes me want to earn more.  Not just for her, but for me.  It’s about ambition and I want a woman who can remind me of all the money that’s out there. How can that be bad?”  He knows that we can all get complacent at times.  He also said he wants a woman who is very attractive and can maintain her beauty and body as she ages.  Most women would think he is shallow.  But another way of thinking about it is as a good way to maintain your health and weight.  It will be a reminder and reason to stay in shape and keep yourself up, even if you settle down.  There is a reason why people join gyms and work out groups to be motivated by others.  They partner with others who have the same goals and vision.  No need to berate anyone, change them, or anything like that.  Just be.

Finally, men (and women, too, but this is about men) who live their lives free from their ego and fears are men to associate with.  Most alpha-females are attracted to men outside the box, outside the matrix.  They want a man who operates and thinks unlike other men.  Enter the alpha-male.  He listens, but he doesn’t judge.  He goes more by actions, than by words.  He doesn’t run away at the first sign of something he doesn’t agree with.  He’s open to challenges, but he’s not a fool.  He lives life without inhibitions and preconditions.  He is free, and allows others to feel free too.  And if you’re a man reading this last paragraph and shaking your head like “yeah, that’s me.”  It ain’t.