Strike Out On Your Own!

85629718By Guest Blogger Toi

Personal relationships are wonderful, fulfilling, and valuable.   They are essential to your well being as a person. But as an Alphanista, you should not rely on others for every. little. thing.

If you want to create new experiences for yourself, do NOT wait on other people to go with you to do so. It’s fine to go it alone. As a matter of fact, you should create new experiences for yourself, by yourself.

It’s unreasonable to expect others to be with you in every single thing you do.  There are some women who can’t even go to the restroom on their own. Do they need someone to chat with while they pee? That’s a small scale example but it shows the reluctance some women have about striking out on their own to do the simplest of things. I know people who feel like they need to have someone with them every time they shop, eat, or attend events. These are things an Alphanista needs to be able to do on her own. Waiting on others to get themselves together tends to slow the Alphanista down. If you aren’t ready to go with her, she will go on without you. An Alphanista doesn’t wait on other people to get themselves together when she’s ready to go. Get right or get left.

This goes for family, friends, romantic partners. Your boyfriend may hate shopping. He goes in, purchases his items, and is out of the mall in 15 minutes, tops. So why drag him on your Saturday afternoon shopping excursions when you are a hunter-shopper who likes to browse stores for hours? Go it alone, and take as much time as you need without feeling rushed and annoying your partner. Or, you love underground alternative soul music. Your buddies only listen to mainstream popular music. Leave them at home and go to the show. If they aren’t into it, it would be a waste of time and money for them to attend. Treat yourself to the show and enjoy yourself, uninhibited.

When you strike out on your own to create new experiences, the universe tends to take care of you. You are forced to rely on your own instincts and make decisions for yourself, making you more well-rounded and sure of yourself.  You begin to see that can you can take care of yourself.

I’m not minimizing the importance of social interaction. Spending time and energy with others is fantastic, wonderful, and necessary. But so is grabbing the reigns of your life and spending time and energy creating new experiences with yourself. This is how you develop a strong sense of self, it’s a part of self-love. After all, you spend the most time with yourself.

Cherish it.

Toi Duckworth is a sophisticated b-girl from Los Angeles who dishes on urban lifestyle topics via her blog,


  1. soledtress says:

    What a fantastic read….GO FOR IT…you will not regret your decisions to move to the West Coast. I gather you will be studying somthing you are passionate about which will make the move even better. I love, love, love doing things on my own. I have been since I was a teen and my mom was working two jobs. While working for the airlines I learned pretty early that my posse did not have the same schedule as me so I was “forced” to see the world on my own and the adventure has been amazing! Good Luck with your studies Toi.

  2. Shae says:

    I’m officially a Pee Buddy/Restroom attendant! (I always have napkins awaiting them) Most of my friends always ask me to go places with them, “ Please I cant go alone” and they top it off with “How would that look, walking in alone?” . I’m with b-girl on this one! My first open mic spot, I was so scared and I begged my grandma to go on stage with me. And of course she said no, she told me “You represent you”. And when I was done with my poem I felt good, I had not only kicked my stage fright but I had expressed my feelings without a care on how my audience would react. I’m blessed that my grandma cut that string a long time ago, and I am able to do things on my own, without caring what my audience may think (the world)

    To all those pee buddies! Were breaking up! No more paper towels for you! Take b-girl advice and go pee by yourself!

  3. S.Cherry says:

    I really needed to read this because it is so prevalent to me at this very moment in my life. I am planning a big move to the West Coast next year for graduate school and part of me is scared to death. I have always been a loner but always depended on my family to help me cope with life’s hardships. Just knowing that I physically won’t be in contact with my family and good friends is scary to me but part of me is looking forward to the adventure of finally being on my own for good.

    I actually will travel to major cities around the world like Tokyo and Paris by myself soon, I just feel like I need to get out and experience life with my own two eyes. This post just confirmed my instincts of what I need to do with my life- Be Independent and Be FIERCE!

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