Speak Up Or Sit Down! Part I

bigmouthSome of you may know her.

That woman who speaks her mind and gets what she wants.  All the while soft, vulnerable, and smart.  This has nothing to do with having a big mouth, but only big dreams.

What I’m talking about is being honest about your needs and feelings with people, specifically men. Unfortunately, when you meet new people most women want to appear safe, not needy, and self sufficient. Usually if a man asks a woman what does she want, rarely, is she going to say the truth about her need to be in a long term relationship or married. The reply is usually have fun, I don’t know, just want to be with a nice person. It’s vague and ambiguous. Then people move on and we’re left wondering what happened.

A young woman who reads Alphanista religiously, but never comments, emailed me some time ago.  She told me she was in a relationship with her man for a year, and was thinking of breaking up with him. When I asked her why, she said he hadn’t paid his part of the rent. When I asked her if she told him that he hadn’t, she said no because she didn’t want to argue. I told her that her relationship hasn’t even started.

When you are honest with people, you give them a chance to bond with you, and get closer. It draws people to you, or at least the right ones. In another situation, there was a friend I grew up with who would try on relationships like a pair of shoes, and kick them off for a new pair. She told me all she wanted was to have fun, meet guys, and find herself. But that was so far from the truth. She kept lying to herself, and people lied to her. Then eventually she met a man she broke down with, on the first date she told him she wanted to get married in a year to the right man. Just so happened, he was the right man. It wasn’t a year, but a year and half. They got engaged in 9 months.

Stay tuned for Part II tomorrow….

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5 comments

  1. L.K.D says:

    This is so true, in past relationships I felt like things were going no where fast. This current relationship I took my time to develop and I can say I am truly HAPPY and looking forward to my future. I spoke up early on and we are on the same page

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