One of the reasons folks don’t assert themselves in relationships is because of Fear.
Fear of being denied, rejected or misunderstood. So, instead of asking you start to complain. Complain that people don’t know how to act or treat you, or that men these days are too passive, that they don’t care. A good example is that when we accept an invite to a party we don’t want to attend, and show up late.
We complain about why we’re late or that the party started too late or too early. Instead of just speaking up, and saying you didn’t want to go (to yourself, and making a promise to not force yourself again).
The bottom line is to honor your yeses and nos. But also to make a clear statement of your desire. One thing it does is give the other person space to say no. Then it allows you to grow and trust yourself and in the goodness of life that all is well, and you will be ok. You have to have a detached feeling to the response. It gives you the freedom to ask for anything you want from anybody. Can you imagine how that would be like? How many more possibilities you could create for yourself?
In order to express your feelings you have to know what they are. Love is not nice and pretty. You can’t always look nice and pretty to people. You can’t be invested in all that if you want to experience love. An alphanista gets that. Once you get in touch with your needs and feelings about each circumstance you’re facing through specific “treatments” and journaling, you’ll see that it’s a risk worth taking.
Also, you must give up the need to be right, have your way and strategize. Ask yourself what kind of love do you want to create? One that’s strategic, combative, and ambiguous? I don’t think so.
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