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So, Women Really Don’t Like Being On "Top"?

I gathered some thoughts from the girls over at Baller Alert as to how they felt about being submissive to a man, particularly a baller. A baller, in this context, is a man of money, prestige, and status. There were over 50 comments, but I was surprised to see some that really agreed with the concept of a man being THE MAN. Many women are afraid to voice their desire to be submissive, or out of fear push it away, but there are still some who want to be and own it. Take a look:

–I have this type of relationship…one of a deep trust. He is a natural leader, a protector, a provider, a real man; he handles his business, sexes me crazy and takes care of home. I respect him, love him & treat him like a king. He has proven his dedication to me; and in return I listen to him, I do what he asks of me; and rarely question him, or argue – because I know he has our best interest at heart…I have never been loved so completely by a man… It is difficult to explain…

–I think deep down a lot of women are tired of having to play both roles when it comes to relationships. And the women who do find themselves alone for the most part….

–If I’m ever in a long-term relationship again, this is what I want. I’ve always been attracted to the dominant alpha-male who knows how to handle himself and me. I know I haven’t found him yet because lately all that I’ve run across I’m running over….

–…this is the type of man I would want to have, but like I said before… If he is to lead, he has to know how to lead, have a plan, and the means to get us there.

–I have only met one man that I would be submissive to and I fought him all the way. He was a good man and if I’d made different choices then maybe I would be a happier person today.

That’s all.


  • Diego

    Well, unfortunately, by the way society works, by the way we are raised, and by unbalanced views on yin and yang in general, individuals are out of balance. What we need to be happy is always within our selves. Before figuring out what kind of relationship it is that is going to make you happy…it is wise to get to know yourself better. Know how to balance and analyze yourself better. It comes fairly easy with a goodwill. Meditation and spiritual evolution greatly help. Unfortunately as well, organized religion creates an imbalance between universal yin and yang as well. Too bad truth has been distorted to maintain order based on fear and suppression. We are always magnet…so everyone we have dated and attracted is resonating at a similar frequency than us. Therefore, if we balance and heal ourselves first we can attract the perfect partner. If we are in perfect confusion, chaos, and despair….we will sure attract that as well. God bless all.

  • Charles Flitcraft

    You are expressing the same conundrum we all feel, male and female.

    I want a asubmissive wife, until it’s time to deal with the IRS, then I want the alpha woman.

    You want a dominant husband to relieve you of responsibility at home, until he demands something you don’t want to give. Clearly, you most emphatically do NOT want his dominance maintained by force.

    Watch the animal planet a bit closer, the male lion rules the roost, up to a point. When the hunting is bad and the females can’t do it alone, he has to get his lazy butt out on the Serengetti and help bring home the wildibeast.

    You don’t want a woman beater, you just want a man to dominate by what? Charisma? You even pointed out in your post that the lion dominates by threat of force.

    You’re going to respect me, not because you are submissive, but because I am more alpha than you.

    I am not complaining or criticising, just observing. As I said, it’s a conundrum.


  • missing_pieces

    I am very conflicted with this but not for the reasons some of you might think. There will be no crazy feminist rantings here. Just curiosity on my part. I think all I have wanted in my life is for a true, honest and quality man to hold me, who knows when to be sweet and knows when to be firm and stand his ground and tell me what’s right not what’s convenient. An intelligent, caring man who can teach a woman how to get hers in a man’s world so I can bring it home and we just put both stacks of paper together and make it ours. Does this make any sense?

    It has taking me a while to truly admit I want a man who has dominant traits. My father had those traits but then he got lost in the MATRIX. He was a very intelligent, wise, tall, sensitive, and handsome black man who hardly ever raised his voice but could let you know what it was like if you crossed him. It is hard for me to still respect him because he has let his current girlfriend steamroll over him. He has done a complete 180. I can’t be with a man like the way my dad is now.

    A gotta’ have a man with a back bone who is strong willed and has intelligent/informed opinions who I can learn from. A man who would love nothing more to take care of me, not financially ( although that would be a plus) but emotionally and can put it on me . Somebody I can grow spiritually with and open me up to try new things. If the right man came and took me ( that’s right, claim me as his because he new I was the right woman for him). If I felt like he is keeping it “100” and doing what’s best for us- I ain’t questioning nothing! I would gladly let him lead, lay back and hold up my end of the deal.

    On the other hand I’m scared of being handled. I want to be that b*tch and have it all. I’m confused about love right now- and I don’t need no other confused person in my life.

    I ain’t asking for no wife-beater, womanizer or sociopath; that’s actually weakness, not true dominance to me. I like a confident guy, who may even be kind of shy but knows what the hell he wants. There’s nothing worse than a guy who can’t make up his mind and can’t take responsibility or a place of authority. If I’m going to look up to you and respect you then BE THAT DUDE! Don’t betray my trust because you’ll never get it back, that’s just how I am.

    I watch Animal Planet a lot and I always notice the Alpha male lion in the pack, he just naturally exudes power, respect, sensuality and everybody gives him that position or they stop breathing. I always love those movie scenes when the guy takes control, you know, grab the woman by the wrist, throw her down on the bed and just…. well, maybe I’m revealing too much of my desires. lol!

    I’m not saying I want an egotistical jerk, but a man that can take charge, in a respectful way. lol!

  • Charles Flitcraft

    Whatever happened to diversity? If a woman wants to be a submissive, let her. If a woman does not choose that, so what? Freely given may be freely received. It seems to me that being a submissive with a person who willingly undertakes the dominant role, puts the onus on the dominant

    He is now 100% responsible for the health and happiness of his sub. If she needs to be in charge of certain things to be happy ,he better let her be, if she needs things done for her, he better do them. The only conflict would be when his judgment of what she NEEDS conflicts with hers. At that point the dominant must tread with extreme caution, the responsibility to make the right choice is 100% HIS.

    I guess if I were female and wanted to be a sub, I would look for a caring, INTELLIGENT person to be my dominant partner. So if that’s your choice, good hunting, ladies, but BE CAREFUL! Make the guy take an IQ test or something.

  • Steve

    As I man I believe a submissive women in the natural order of things
    It doesn’t mean slavery or abuse
    It means she submits herself to him because she trusts his judgment

    So many women have the wrong idea of this
    But after careful thought this is the kind of woman I am looking for

  • Leah Mullen

    lol…upon reading this I have to conclude that I’m not the submissive type. lol. Before I got married I was courted by two men. One believed he was THE boss and we would argue but with the other one, we NEVER argued. Our temperaments just clicked (we were both Capricorns–true equals.) I ended up choosing the Capricorn.

    I have however supressed some of my own desires (where I wanted to live, certain freedom etc) and submitted to his desires. However during all of the changes I made on my husband’s behalf, I’ve always maintained full and total control over my mind, body and soul…so I guess I’m not submissive. lololol…

  • Mercedez Arroyo

    Beyonce and JayZ got a relationship like this it was a blind item in the NY Daily News…

  • Monica Wright

    This is a great blog post so was the other one, I mean, I dont see this topic alot around its always about complaining women about men cheating, cant find a man, yada yada, this is interesting. hmmmm…

  • Anonymous

    I too think I coulda been happier if i just stopped fighting and doubting. the next man is gonna be lucky.

  • Kerry R.


  • Anonymous

    Hey Diane Clarke, here are something’s I have noticed as a black male and maybe this statement can help. Black women who are highly educated and advance further in life generally have fewer options. However, I have notice the bigger problem is that black women take their strength and fight they need for work into the home. Which is bad because they way you have to act at work should not be the way you act at home since being black at work you face struggles for being a women and black at the work place. Taking this mind set home leads to clashes since the women will still be fighting her man for power as if she at work with her king. This will push any man away good or bad. These are just my views sorry for those who don’t agree or are offended.

  • Anonymous

    I really liked the guy said about the educated bottom chick, that is REAL. Don’t blame black men, if you have trust issues. Check yaself ladies!

  • Diane Clarke

    I can, and I think this is the natural order of things, too many women, too many degrees, too little options, a man like this would give me a chance to be myself. you gotta be this kind of woman naturally, no? it has to be already in me, and it is…

  • balleralert

    I can’t see it… LOL

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