But if you insist on my expounding on this, let me explain. Isn’t it hard to pretend to be mad at someone you never met before? It’s so typical and expected of women to hate each other. As an Alphanista, you never do what is expected. You do what is best, particularly for the greater good of you and yours. Big X and I got along great before we broke up, we would do anything for each other if it wasn’t for this “bitch”. That was her pet name. I kept hearing about this “bitch” so much I began to wonder “Hell, maybe I should get to know her.” That’s just how my mind works! Anyway, I met her “by chance” at a coffee shop she goes to every morning and I initiated the introduction. I told her I was Big X’s woman and I just wanted her to know who I was and looked like. She was shocked, stepped aback and gave me the brightest smile ever. Alot of that had to do with my approach. I’m not “friendly” but I am respectful. All I had to do was say hi, and whatsup, and she already had her cell out taking my number. We both went about our separate biz.
Now, the pandora’s box has opened! I was waiting for her to call me, but she hadn’t so, I called her about something out of the blue I was curious about totally unrelated to Big X but about another number I wanted to give her. After that she opened up. These women sometimes just need to get stuff out and you are right there to sop it up. What’s the point of knowing one side of a story? And boy, did I find out about Big X but I also found out what a wonderful woman he had in his life. How do I know? She never bashed him. She admitted their ups and downs, but she never tried to convince me not to be with him. That’s usually the MO of alot of exes, but this one didn’t even want him back, and that said enough.
Here’s what to keep in mind, dears:
–Keep your guard up in the conversation, do not divulge all your questions, just listen, she WILL talk
–Never give any exact details of what is going on with Big X and u
–Show her some empathy, understand her plight, it will lower her guard
–Be a woman about it, know that is YOUR man, but understand she may know him BETTER
–Know when to defer, be secure in your role, don’t get high and mighty and get your arse hung up on
And that’s pretty much it. It’s not that hard and dramatic these other books and blogs make you think. I think all of us in some sort of small, twisted way want the ex to want our man, it makes him more valuable. Only the ex, not some random hussy. But when she doesn’t…well.
There are certain men who are so lovable that a woman pines over him forever after a break up, she’ll even be friends with you just to be “in the family”. Sometimes, she’ll fall in love with you, too because he loves you. I think that is cool, but you have to have a very mature man! A man who can handle that like a KING. Like an alpha, a true leader. Always set boundaries.
If you are in some thing now, and an ex can help sort it out, do it. If it gets out that you are both friends, no one will ever believe her.