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Should You Just Let A Man Be A Man?

malefemaleWith so much going on about male/female roles, and how men are now happier than women according to the NY Times, should we just go back to old fashioned values?

Back then relationships were clear, defined, and still had its share of problems, but there were no questions about who was paying the bills and who was doing the dishes.  Or should men be more like women, and women more like men in order to create balance and reciprocity?

What do you think? I prefer tradition, but that’s just me, I don’t have time reinventing the wheel and figuring it out on the way.  I am way too impatient.  Just let me know what I have to do!  Take the poll below.

Should You Just Let A Man Be A Man?

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14 COMMENTS

  • Kay

    I raised two kids to adulthood as a single mom. I had to ” do it all ” because I had no husband. Don’t get me wrong, I did have support from my family as well as my ex and his family, but (as I saw it) they were my primary responsibility. Now, I’m a single “emptynester” navigating the rest of my life. To tell you the truth as much as I’m independent and all, I really just want to be able to breathe and find someone who will “take care of me ” now. I’m perfectly willing to be the homemaker, cook, maid, or whatever for that special someone as long as the pressure of being responsible for everything is taken care of. I never thought that I would feel that way, but it is what it is….

  • daphne

    I have no problem letting a man be a man (personally, I can’t “let” a man do or be anything – either he is or he isn’t, but I digress). I’m not particularly nostalgic, either, though, as traditional women paid a price, just a different one than the Miss Independent women of the present.

    Also, I think being a Stay At Home Wife is a bit different than being a Stay At Home Mom. It’s a lot easier to do the cooking and cleaning when you don’t have the additional duty of daycare provider on top of that – I suppose I’m thinking of younger, pre-school children though. Maybe it’s all gravy once they begin school. Also, if my hubby and I got it like that, *I* won’t be the one doing the cooking/cleaning – as in, if I can pay someone else, I will. I do the cooking and cleaning as a single gal because I HAVE to, not because I enjoy it. As long as it’s done, it shouldn’t really matter, in my opinion. Others’ mileage may vary on that.

    In any case, I do think the Independent Women movement has caused more harm in our love lives than good. Don’t get me wrong, principles such as equal pay for equal work is nice and just, but how many “equally paid” women (especially black women) are sleeping alone, and not by choice?

  • T. Lynn Lloyd

    I want a man to be a man, but I think we need a looser definition of what it means to be a man. I like a man to be strong, but I expect that from women too. Back in the day, men didn\’t show their feelings and kept everything bottled up, but those traits are unacceptable to me in a partner.

    Partnership is what I think everyone wants, but it looks different now that it did for previous generations. When everyone was farming and work meant physical labor, men could do it better than us so they had to be the breadwinners. It also used to be that men made more money, so it was practical and logical for women to stay at home with kids. Women got married young and moved from daddy\’s house to hubby\’s house for financial reasons.

    When men did the \”away\” work and women did the \”at home\” work, there was still a division of labor. We don\’t live in that kind of world anymore, so both men and women have had to become independent working people whether we wanted to or not. IMO, women still want a division of labor but we don\’t want to be told which labor we get to do. If both partners work, both should split the housework and the financial burdens, it\’s only fair.

    At this point in the world, there are so few women who can afford to stay home with the kids full time even if they want to – I don\’t know many people who live together on one salary unless they\’re pretty wealthy. The rest of us are just living paycheck-to-paycheck, so everyone over 18 needs to be bringing one in, male or female. Just my $0.02.

  • missing_pieces

    Damn BB, I totally agree with you. NSA sex, casual relationships are so damaging for women yet many of us still do it hoping that the man will fall for us because the p*ssy is good. If a man don’t want a relationship with you, ain’t no amount of good “poom-poom” gonna’ make that happen for you. Women need to become more pragmatic and strategic IMO.

    If you know you want to get married and have children and be a stay at home mom- be clear from jump that you want dude to hustle and make that happen. Don’t throw that Ms. Independent bull-sish in a guys face making him feel inadequate and then turn around and say “I just want a man to take care of me.” I honestly feel alot of women don’t know what they want out of a relationship and men are reaping the (friends with)benifits.

    I don’t know if I’ll marry and have children because I’m ambitious like to work/have my own money. If I have kids I would want to stay home with them. That’s why I’m not looking for no relationship right now- the worst thing to me is being out in the dating world and not know what you want in a potential mate, women soooooooo get taking advantage of by men with this.

    Maybe if I become a best-selling novelist I can work from home and have it all. People don’t realize the reason Oprah got all that wealth is because she had the freedom to do so because she didn’t have no dayum kids or even a husband since her and Steadman just got that “arrangement.” LOL!

  • BB

    It is ten times easier for a man to cheat now because women have relaxed their standards in an effort to be more like men. Before, everyday men (not top shelf men) had to court, plot, seduce or purchase sex. It was expensive both time, effort and moneywise. Now, less is needed on even the average man’s part. Instead, women seem to be the ones investing resources.

    It is much easier for men to find no strings attached sex. The thing is: It’s often only NSA for him- not her. However, many women won’t admit that they still have desires for traditional relationships because it contradicts their “independant woman” protestations. If we lie to ourselves, how will we get what we want?

  • hiphopmuse

    I prefer a man to be a man…I can’t stand a weak man! I feel that being an independent woman doesn’t mean that a man is absolved of his duty to be a man to me. I think its better when roles are clearly defined, b/c I’m not about the be out there changing oil, that’s 4 sure. I’m fine in the kitchen baking, thankuverymuch. As long as I’m getting respect, that’s all that matters.

  • t

    I hate this independent women shit too..now you can’t event tell if it’s a man and once men thought it was ok to where pink i almost died! iam truly tradtional and men cheated then and they will do it now..that game aint change even with so much access to finding out these days. But it’s just easier to know ‘your role” and thats what worked with my grandparents they were together over fifty years..now that commitment. and she was a stay home..the best.

  • Maryann

    @THC you are not alone, unfortunately too many are afraid to admit the truth

  • Ms. Tee

    Hmmm…. I couldnt vote. I want a man to be a man according to old society’s standards and who cares if he cheats as long as I’m taken care of but….I also want him to (hire someone to) cook, clean and take care of the kids too. I know…I’m lazy. I just wanna be spoiled all the way around and contribute my BRAIN POWER and love and support to the relationship. That’s my most valuable asset.

    I’ll probably never get married…and I’m okay with that. =)

  • The Hooker Chronicles

    I’m 100% for tradition!

    If I got to stay home and sit on my ass while my husband worked, dinner would be cooked, house would be cleaned and children would be quiet.

    I HATE the whole independent Woman movement!

    I Hate it!

  • Maryann

    @ dania “As if we are so much better and smarter than they are.” I agree, women from back then would look at us as crazy as some of us would look at them lol

  • dania

    I do not know why we have to equate old school women to being naive or turning a blind eye? As if we are so much better and smarter than they are. If a woman chooses to turn a blind eye that should be her business and has nothing to do with tradition. However I can see how one would think that is “traditional”. By the way I am all for a man being a man!

  • Maryann

    I don’t think it’s about control tho, to me it’s just about communication, things are clearer. There are still women today who turn a blind eye and that may have more to do with who they are and what they need at the time.

  • Joreather

    I voted yes. So, if he cheats or entertains other women should I turn a blind eye like women of the past. I’m not trying to be negative but women of the past went through a lot because they let someone take control. :O( Totally off topic.

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