In honor of Valentine’s Day! Enjoy this classic…
I’m a 28 year old woman.
I make great money, have my own home and no children. I have an awesome boyfriend who is by all standards my equal. He’s 34, stable employment, a homeowner and childless. We’ve been together for a year and a half. We have a very fun relationship.
We go to every concert, every hot restaurant, last minute trips etc. My problem is that he rarely calls and when I say rarely I mean rarely. For example if I call him on Saturday to make plans on Thursday he’ll call me Thursday to make sure we’re still on. If I don’t call him I won’t talk to him. Also I only see him once a week. We work very different schedules (he works days and I work nights), but I would love if he made the effort to see me. You see I’ve always been independent. I don’t want a man to buy me what I can get for myself.
I don’t need a man under me 24/7. The small things in life are what make me happy. Like holding my hand or kissing me on the forehead. I know you’re thinking “well he’s cheating”. But I can say with certainty that he is not. I’ve dealt with enough men to see through even the slickest dog. I have unlimited access to his home and use it at my discretion. I know he’s not a phone person, but a 60 second phone call every now and then to let me know you’re thinking about me kinda brightens my day. I don’t want him to call me more or see me more because I asked him too, but because he wants to.
I’ve never encountered a problem like this with a man, so am I making too much out of nothing?
It is something!
After a year and a half.
I can see maybe the first few weeks, even month. Or even for a casual-come and go-type thing. You call him your “boyfriend”. That means you think there is a relationship. Let’s start from the top: YOU. Because that is who is most important. You trained him to behave this way. I don’t see anything in the letter that says the calls “stopped” or he “used to” call. It seems as if this was the way it always was. Because of that, you need to revert back to the beginning of the relationship and pinpoint where you let this happen.
The man is only behaving according to what you accept. You accept this behavior. If somewhere down the line you had raised this concern for lack of communication and interest, he would either call you more or not. Being the “independent” woman you went right ahead and lied to yourself, like most do. Even in this letter it sounds like you don’t want him to call because “I dont want a man..” yada yada. You let this slide because of that.
You need to tell him it’s a year and half, CALL ME SOME F*ING TIME. Tell him you are ready for more without blaming him. Tell him you are ready for an intimate, close connection. If you can’t do that by now, or feel nervous, maybe there isn’t much of a relationship. I know several women who would’ve addressed this a long time ago, many are in happier relationships now. Go figure.
If he doesn’t get it or respond positively, you may want to consider “options”. If you stay, please stop complaining and just deal. Don’t make the man’s life miserable because of your own decisions. Staying is a decision, accepting this is a decision, and leaving is one, too. Choose and live.
And never, ever, say you know anyone.There are married couples of 20 plus years still being surprised with the drama. It is very easy for a man to have two homes, two lives. Much easier with a woman like you, who is “independent” and never asks for more. Reflect and find out what is it about yourself that accepted this and why you want more now.You are treating yourself like your second place, in turn, he’s reflecting that in his behavior.