My Let Go Plan: Tired of Dating In NYC
By *Lisa Vega
Finding Alphanista was a serious lifesaver, since it was an online community where I could dialogue with like-minded people about what I was going through.
From the jump, I noticed this program called ‘9 Tuesdays‘, which intrigued me. I read up on it, and quickly dismissed it as a fairytale or a hoax. So, I kept living the typcial single-in-The-City lifestyle of going on dates with a new man every other week, drinking and complaining with my gf’s about how there were no serious men in NYC (where I was living and working toward my Masters degree), and secretly hoping that I would meet someone who could change my perspective.
Then one day, I found myself at the end of my rope. My bookshelves were filled with books about dating, marriage, and how-to get over your ex, and I had read each one. But I was still chronically single. I began to feel depressed when I heard the stats about marriage in NYC. Dates with men who did not even care to discuss marriage had me so jaded and hurt, that I begun to actually internalize the idea that I may never have a happy, loving relationship again. As a native of the South, the concept of never getting married is as foreign as the concept of riding a train to work or not knowing your neighbors. I needed a change in my life.
So, initially, I enrolled in the Alphanista Inner Circle and got in touch with an NYC life coach. I figured that the problem MUST be with me, so I was set on changing it. I devoted myself to the reading, exercises, and rituals that each program provided, but I still felt something was missing. I began to dialogue with Maryann about it, and she kept suggesting that I consider doing the 9 Tuesdays plan. I then went and read all of the testimonies and decided, why not? I figured if it did not work, that I would at least be able to say I tried. So, I got to work. Around the third week, I met a young man on Facebook who was a mutual friend of another young woman.
He and I had met previously so we knew a little bit about one another. At the time I saw no significance in this and just went with it. We chatted online for a few minutes and then he asked if he could call me on the phone. He did, and we stayed up talking until about 4am! It was refreshing to talk to someone who was young, polite, and had a positive attitude about relationships (i.e. he didn’t NOT believe in marriage). We talked about being single, and how tough it was. At the end of the conversation, I felt deeply intrigued by him. From then on, we would talk on the phone each night around the same time for a few hours.
Around the fifth week, I begun to realize that there was more to this thing with him than just a friendship, and that this may have something to do with 9 Tuesdays. So, I checked in with Maryann to see what she thought; after being encouraged to move slowly, I decided to begin to consider this man to be a real potential. I begun to say the weekly novenas with more intention and belief. I knew I was onto something when about a week later, I had the opportunity to open up a vacuum in my life and leave NYC to take a job that happened to be in the city where I grew up (and also where my new potential lived).
I had been longing for a change in my life, and decided to take the job. I would be required to pack up and leave immediately, so I did just that. One week later (around the seventh week), my potential and I had dinner, and he told me that he didn’t know why, but he really liked me and felt that this could be something big in the future. Having heard this before, I was skeptical.
On my ninth week in the program, he officially asked me to be his girlfriend. We have been dating for seven months to date! He is a wonderful man, and he is EXACTLY who I prayed for, to the ‘t’. This story is more about having faith in the power of change, and less about a happily ever after love story. There are days when I feel like we may not make it after all, but when I do I pick up my 9 Tuesdays journal and recall what it took for me to get to this place, and I rethink things. Our relationship grows stronger each day, and I think that he very well may be the “One”.
No matter what happens, I know now that when I open a void in my life, and I remain filled with faith and hope; that it will be filled. I now tell all of my gf’s to do this if they are serious about getting married and settling down.
Lisa Vega is currently pursuing her Ph..D. and taking over her slice of the world
*Names have been changed to protect privacy. For info on the Inner Circle, please email me.