Weekend Rewind: Married Men Make The Best Boyfriends?
December 4, 2009
Some gals say Jay looked a lil better after he got married, just a lil
In light of recent celeb news..tsk, tsk…enjoy this classic!
___________________
Out in the open single women are supposed to be appalled at the thought of even sharing the same breathing space as a married man. But truth is, [lets say it together chirren] it happens.
Now, it’s not usually a case of targeting married men, but it’s more just finding one’s self in a “situation”. This does not apply to all single women, just those who really don’t give a damn. If there are two twins, but one is married, the married one will get the most women by thought as they “wish he were single” or by action as they move in on him. It’s something in the air that draws women to them. I interviewed many women over the last few years for my books and articles, all single [who didn’t necessarily sleep with married men-yet], who told me they liked married men for very simple reasons and it had all to do with the commitment factor, and ahem, the sex factor. And the very last thing—people usually want people other people want. Human nature. More reasons below.
1. “Married men know how to commit to a woman, obviously, at least through legal contract”
2. “Married men are great in bed, they make love to a woman, slowly caressing you like fine crystal, plucking the strings to your body like a double bass, almost like they’ve been saving it for you”
3. “Married men have the “daddy” syndrome, they want to make sure you are okay, and don’t bump your dome against the headboard”
4. “Married men tell it like it is—he can only call you very early in the mornings or very late at night—there are no surprises, he is there, and he is not there”
5. “Married men are more attractive than single men because it’s already proven that he is desirable, sane, and has a heart, the only three criteria most women need”
6. ” Though he is “cheating” his capacity to marry is what is attractive to lots of women, if he can marry someone, it shows he has certain discerning abilities you can trust, and makes him less likely to do anything “too risky”"
7. “Married men are usually having sex with you, and the wife, the [misconception] thought is you don’t have to worry about him sleeping around like the single guy”
8. “Married men have a certain scent, he smells like his woman, the mixing of bodily fluids of his and his wife give him a distinctive scent [look it up] it’s that primal scent that signals and attracts other women, it’s usually the ones who “mix well” with their wife who have the most female admirers”
9. “Married men love your kids”
10. “Married men are just easier to control because at the end of the day, he’ll do anything to keep his wife from finding out about YOU”
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ok, this is a must read for married women!
You know what this list really touches close to home. I dated married men not by choice but it just so happened that every man I liked was married and he was down with it too. This list is true its not spoken, but known. Especially #2, 4, 9. Married women need to know tho that single women do not hunt down married men they come to us. My man right now WAS married. We were soulmates life took us in different directions but we found each other. \”It happens\”
@Denise thanks for being honest as it is a touchy topic; I don’t expect this post to populate much for obvious reasons but its getting lots of reads…
LOL and great post. I try to tell my females friends and associates that their are a lot of women out there who have no problem being number two. Married men get offered more sex (from attractive women) then most single men. I am not married and I have seen it. I know men who had more partners after they got married.
…let’s establish that anything I say here is about my “friend”. Shut up, it is!
M, you pretty much nailed it here. From what I’ve been told from my married buddies is that they have to literally beat single ladies off of them. They say it’s like single women smell them coming and just come after them with the vigor of a young military cadet. Eager to please and committed beyond belief.
For some married guys, they even get love from single women when the guys are with their children. It’s like the women see all that they want in their view. No doubt, it’s because of the reasons you outlined here.
Interesting insight, M. I wonder what intel you had to trade to acquire it.
OMG! How can you put this stuff out there like this! It\’s a slap in the face to married women trying to keep a home! This is ridiculous!
You know you’re starting some ish with this one, Maryann!
Granted these traits may be desirable to women, but think about your previous posts…a single (read: UNMARRIED)man is fair game to a single woman, but a married man? Then a single woman with a married man is just a mistress…which is something between a mister and a mattress! LOL
Seriously, though, we see it all the time, the mistress starts getting caught up in the physical (because that’s all the man can offer) and she starts thinking, “I want him! I want him to leave his wife!” Then she gets caught up focusing on a man that is not committed to anything more than sex.
Look at that disgusting debacle with the mayor of Detroit…his jump-off (in the published text messages) asked the mayor “What does your wife have that I don’t?” How about a ring?! She was caught up in the sex and that was all he wanted…now she’s in jail with no man! She had a husband and he left her because she was cheating with the mayor and her dumb a** thought he would really leave his wife for her!
I honestly think that the man has control in this situation, not the mistress…he has his wife and his jump-off…
The Wife-
Regardless of how you view the decisions of women who choose to go this route, it’s wise, in my opinion, for you to understand the tactics and persuasions they use. It’s a smart move for you to occasionally digest information like this and not labaste it. Respectfully.
Yes you are starting something with this one but it is what it is. I personally never dated a married man and never will no matter how he looked or what he could offer me but with that list above….I dunno!…just jokin’. To each his and her own!
@thewife you really need to just sit down and read this its good for married women to know, jesus your hubby must be putting u thru it! lol
@cypher i agree with what you said but we all know dating married men is BAD we dont need to be reminded of that all the time it’s known things mess up just like they do in ANY relationship so now that we can all agree on that we need to figure out how to get these married men elements into single brothers lol
Mary Ann
I agree with Russ in some aspect that the man has as much control as long as he does not get caught up and keeps the emotions in check.
Altho women become attached much quicker than men, it is not above a man who seeing something in HIS “girlfriend” that he no longer sees in his wife.
Some men tend to give too much information to the Girlfriend once they get too comfortable. Then that “GF” knows more and mor about you she can use AGAINST you once you decide to call it quits.
One thing you can’t do is mess with a womans emotions and most men don’t realize. You can tell a women as much as you want, its only a sex thing, but emotions get involved.
On the flip side of that. Some men know how to keep those things in check which would keep a happy home and a happy 2nd Life.
But again.. I can write on this for days.
…I really appreciate your post this morning. I was having this conversation yesterday but it was about married women who creep. Oh IT HAPPENS! I think that the love or lust you feel outside of your marriage is exactly what you want to feel IN YOUR marriage but for whatever reason the marriage has been broken. Money, children, compromise, sex are all things that can weigh on a marriage and some people are not cut out for this type of committment. I know a few married men who cheat and they are excellent fathers and great providers for their families. I’m not making an excuse for any of it because it’s wrong. Not a GOOD Look at all but even though the reasons aren’t good ones I know why some people do it…sometimes the choices you make at 22 aren’t the same choices you want at 32 and when you truly find yourself as you get older you realize the person you are with isn’t the one you should be with but then you have a life and kids and all of these factors that keep you in it. This is why you have people leaving their marriage once the kids go to college or when one of the parties invloved get “on their feet” so to speak. Some married people I know feel like the time has been put in and the foundation has been set so this is a good time to get out. The real question is…..
What are you teaching your children?
Have you taught your kids to settle for the next best thing in life?
Have you taught them to stay in soemthing that makes them miserable. Have you taught them the true meaning of love and sacrifice. It’s all a big ol mess at this point but had we waited and really gotten a lot of things out of our systems first then maybe these questions wouldn’t come into play.
My 2 cents is this….WAIT!!!!!! Don’t think that the love of your life is going to happen when you are in your 20’s. Take time to know what you really want and work from there.
For those whose been happily married since they were 19….Rock it out! I love it! I’m just saying happily married for 26 years is a hard find these days so be careful about your choices…thats just my 2 cents!
and them some people are just WHORES so there it is!
B
…and another thing…let’s talk about the Married Woman or the Married Man and Married Women that are a couple (go figure)!
Fellas… it’s not just you doing the DO…you may need some tips to look out for in your own marriage….
good post and interesting information for married women to know.
…Just want to add that this conversation carried over to my Facebook page and on Twitter behind direct messages. Thanks, Maryann, for angering one half of the population, while educating the other half. Guess you did your part today.
As a teenager I dated more married men than single men. I did think they made the best boyfriends. None of them ever had any intention of leaving their wives which was perfectly fine with me because at the time the benefits I received(romance, affection, intimacy, catering attention) outweighed the negatives. My theory was that married men court their mistresses whereas they pay wives bills. Particularly since I was young at the time, married men spoiled the hell out of me while at the same time became big babies in my arms because I was a sweet, naive young lil thang. When he had a bad day, I was the first he called and he sent me flowers and a necklace the next day to thank me.
.
At the time, the arrangement worked. Now that I am a little older I do not date men that are any kind of taken at all because those are not the kinds of men I want to marry. All in all, my past experiences have much to with my sentiments that almost all married men slip up at some point which is why cheating–in marriage NOT any pre-marriage relationship– is not necessarily grounds for automatic divorce in my book. It is what is is.
There are 4 types of women that get with married men. Ones who are married and are neglected at home, ones who are single and love the “attention” they can get from a married man, ones who are single and have few other prospects, and finally just plain old single and married freaks.
It’s true, we married men have that “stank” on us. That thing that lets women know, that I’m able to make someone feel like they want to spend the rest of their life with me.
You’d be surprised how many women don’t give a F, about a wife.
I was under the impression that “alpha-women” didnt do the share thing? Even at the idea of a man having wealth? Or is it that sharing is only fair if the man IS wealthy? I’m confused…
@mike alpha women do find themselves in peculiar situations its how they handle it that’s the difference.
@3rd..lol..wow
I am not going to touch this one.
How sad.
From this list, it appears that women in relationships with married men are needy, delusional, and desperate with serious Daddy issues. I haven’t ever felt the need to knowingly go after another woman’s husband because I believe that karma is a bitch and I wouldn’t want someone to do that to me. I agree that married men do sometimes pursue single women, but I also say that single women seek out married men as well. Further, I wholeheartedly understand that commitment in a man is attractive but, here’s the CATCH 22: if he’s cheating on his wife with you- HE’S NOT COMMITTED! Secondly, in regard to “doing risky things” a lot of married men who cheat don’t use condoms as they’ve become accustom to having unprotected sex with their wives- if he’s lying to his wife about you, what makes you think he’s not lying to you about someone else?
To expound on some of the other comments you always have more than one side to a situation than another. I try to see things from several perspectives and will reiterate what I dicussed earlier on this topic.
and I’ll prolly get cussed out for saying this, but if Men were allowed to be married with a girlfriend.. ALL parties would be happy.
With mens inate need for excitement and newness, the attention a man seeks and the stree environment he craves is created not only from the life with his wife but his life thru work, children and any other things involved in his daily life.
I believe its delusional to think we are living in our parents world anymore. no disrespect, but life just aint what it use to be and relationships REALLY arent either. Divorce is at 50% now? Who looks forward to that? Some women find security in knowing they dont have to deal with the drama that a single man brings.
Most times a Married man shows the maturity and a successful woman who may not want that commiitment but that companionship prefers a man who has been there and DOES that but needs not show her ALL he shows his wife.
Plus. For most men who step out on their wives, they are doing it because of what they aren’t getting at home. Alot of mouth and probably NO sex.
They put on a girlfriend what their wife won’t let them put on her anymore at home.
I am not saying infedelity is right.
Cause Lord knows I would never want to come home and see four feet in the bed and two of them aren’t mine!! lol
And you are right. It could be that the woman is not having her needs met, but would you agree that womens needs and mens needs differ greatly in most respects?
A man may just want a calming evening with time spent with his wife without complaint or such and the wife may just want a home that is secure with bills paid.
But on the flip side, if its about the sex, The man stops doing something he used to do, as the women may stop doing something THEY used to do. What came first the chicken or the egg? Who triggered the stop first?
Of course if you aren’t happy you can leave, but isn’t that the easy way out? What happened to for better or worse? i know to be true that most women with a broad stroke are more loyal than men, so they forgive much easier.
But if a man finds out his woman stepped out.. Thats it. he in most cases aint takin her back cause shes been violated by other penile. But just because you take care of your grass doesn’t mean the wife will always be happy and frankly if the woman isn’t keeping it new and exciting, the man (by nature) will lack passion and seek something new and just as exciting.
Replacing what he doesn’t get what with he can get and more. Sure he’s at fault, but she has to bear some responsibility too. Altho women in some cases become insecure, they shouldn’t because the best looking men and women get cheated on.
I think one problem either side of the argument has is they only try and see things from their side and what THEY want. Not what they can be doing to preserve the relationship and make sure it doesn’t get to certain aspects like infedility.
Its cliche, but it really is about communication, but just like people can grow together they can grow apart, and if your man doesn’t feel like he can tell you something he wants or something he feels and vice versa the ’situation’ begins.
By the way, I am ALL for vaginoplasties! lol Anything that can keep the labia from lookin like a Mana Ray is a good thing!! I also think with all those things you mentioned, can work for people willing to go into things together IF its to improve their relationship. But be happy with what GOD gave you I say.
I wanted to add for the Black women reading this. Alot of this does play into why Black men go to other races (not just white) when stepping out OR even before marriage and just dating.
Again. Thats a completely different topic but something to keep in mind. And with Barack being our President now, realize more folks of different races are accepting of Black men in their family and heading their companies. You can call races names and say they do stuff ya”ll wouldn’t do, but its a bit more than that.
I am a black woman and I agree 100% with everything Rocky said.
@Rocky
Why did you feel it necessary to bring up IR dating?
Zabeth, because its a reality. Why leave stones unturned when talking about a subject that doesn’t have just one tunnel to go through?
It’s a legitimate reason as well from a male perspective. Hopefully its not a sore subject.
@ Rocky….don’t ever come to my blog and write a long diatribe like that. Call me and we’ll record it…sheesh!
But it’s not always about you. When the two of you go out it’s on her schedule never yours so even in that, she’s always in the back of his mind. I don’t know about marriage but really if they don’t have a ring in my mind they’re single…but Lord knows there’s nothing more that i hate than feeling like i’m not number one
Im sorry to say this, but MANY women share their husbands with other women, and I often feel sorry for the wives, but I also feel sorry for the men that have to take are of two households.
These men live double lives, and Im an example of someone who is being taken care of by married men. It goes FAR beyond sex though, because I’ve witnessed kindnesses from these men that goes far beyond the bedroom. Such as them buying college saving bonds for my son, or giving me and my son free exams at their Optometry offices.
This is a very touchy subject and feelings are bound to get hurt, but it’s reality!
Yea some wives willingly share there man, because they most likely got something on the side too! Women do it just as much as men and do it better. But we are not talking about those women that willingly share, we talking about the ones that have no idea and that is F*CKED UP!!! I don’t care what she isn’t doing at home or visa versa if it was the woman stepping out, the dishonesty is what is sick. And women that seek married men are a disaster, no self-esteem and just pathetic to me. IMO… and since women are so damn independent now, they got everything of their own, then those chicks need to get they OWN damn man, point blank period. What is sooooo hard about that?!? Women these days are loosing it, i swear…. these new women got they priorities all messed up. And I not married, don’t plan on it anytime soon, still young, but I cannot imagine going into a marriage and these are the mindsets of women these days. If someone took my boyfriend now, i wouldn’t care because I truly believe that without a ring we are all up for grabs, but once that commitment is made, I am not going to be willing to share and he will not the be the only one getting f’d up….
“It’s secretive because out in the open single women are supposed to be appalled at the thought of even sharing the same breathing space as a married man. But truth is, [lets say it together chirren] it happens.”
25 year old jump offs turn into 35 year old jump offs, IT HAPPENS!
I’m sorry, but it’s the truth- as women, we are looking pretty bad right now, not these cheating men. Because if all women said “no, I won’t be a mistress, then who would men have to cheat with, themselves?
LOL, this post has really gotten some hits, wow, Maryanne you are serving it! Even though when I read it I got this queasy feeling in my stomach. There is some truth to what you say- you are not saying why women should date married men; you are saying the reasons WHY women date married men. It’s true, women want they can’t have- we are never satisfied! No wonder why we drive men crazy
I just think some women clearly lack good judgment when they willing choose to “date” a married man. How the hell can you date a married man anyway, he’s not free to date anybody but his wife, he is just f*cking you! I can only speak from the single woman’s point of you, I think we have more power than the married man because if we said NO, there would be no mistresses. But that’s not reality, some women clearly and will always fall for anything smelling good, wearing a suit and saying things they want to hear- that’s really the only thing a married man is good for- he gives his wife everything else- BECAUSE HE HAS TO!
I can’t believe I’m saying this but some broads are just dumb and will be nothing but a “warm p*ssy and pretty face” and will give up the trap to any man who is willing to show a little concern, spend a little time and break them off with a little d*ck. But the operative words here are “a little.” Oh, and I don’t want to hear about you are independent and don’t have time for a real relationship and being with a married man is more convenient, PLEASE! You are just making excuses for your trifling a$$, I think these women who cheat with married men are just legal prostitutes and are the scourge of society. So if you just have good cat trap and no brain, why don’t you just go to LAS VEGAS, NEVADA and trick off; it will make things a lot simpler.
Oh get off of it…
Why is that the other woman ALWAYS gets eaten by the sharks and the little ole married man is the victim!
No wonder men cheat so freely and frequently, they never get the blamed or held accountable for their actions in the affair.
And trust me, Legal Prostitutes in Nevada don\’t have to do shit but stand there…the married men will flock to them!
So what you need to be asking yourself is what\’s wrong with me, and why my man can\’t stay home!
And although I am a prostitute, and make no judgements on what a man chooses as his personal recreation, I do understand that when a man strays, there is something LACKING at home. Figure that out first before you go name calling. Girls like us just provide a service to these men without all the emotional attachment issues.
And YES I am aware that not everyone is going to see eye-to-eye with my profession and I accept that, but lets not always sit back and make the man seem like the victim, because he is FAR from it. Like Africa to Buenos Ares FAR
#31:
Whatever you need to tell yourself to (lay on your back) sleep at night, honey…
Sometimes there’s nothing wrong at home. Sometimes, there’s something wrong with THEM. Period…
Cipher…
Your little personal jab was cute and all but it still doesn’t answer the question why men choose to have mistresses and girlfriends.
well if it’s something wrong with the men why do they get off easier? i never understood that logic the cheater always comes out smelling like roses and the women that stay
Okay let me spell it out for you. And trust what I say when I tell ya because it’s coming from experience, as in I was the aggressor:
1) Childhood–Missing a father, missing a mother, etc.
2) LOW SELF-ESTEEM: needing constant validation from different people. It doesn’t mean you are good at your, ahem, “profession”, or that he even cares about you. You are just another faceless notch on his belt of validation.
3) Wanting to end the relationship with his wife/SO because of fear of loss; feeling unworthy…
LOL @ “side jobs”…
Cipher…
Im sorry to hear about what you went through growing up, and my heart goes out to you.
I guess Im blessed in some strange unconventional way..
-Come from a good home with both parents
-Have a great education
-No hangups with sex
-Financially stable
-Overall happy and content!
Even with my “side job”
THC,
That would make you average and there’s nothing wrong with average. Overcoming all of my “minor setbacks” and still being successful, quite successful, makes me “above average.” That would make me “persevering”, a “human phoenix” if you will, unstoppable. Life is easy when everything is handed to you. I admire those who overcome odds and adversity.
I have never met someone of your profession who has been overall “content.” I have no issues with what you choose to do because that’s you and I am just so glad I have been so strong mentally and emotionally, physically that I have never had to do it. My “trouble” with you is your cockiness and willingness to blame the wife. I mean, you do know what you do, right? You tell yourself it’s the women because it makes you feel better about what you’re doing. It also gives you some sense of hope that they are actually seeking you out because you are “special”. You are not. There are plenty of women who do what you do, even for free or just a manicure. The reality is there is nothing wrong with these women more often than not. They are victorious most often and you are not. You are most often forgotten. And as you age, you will be even more forgotten because just like your peers in acting (I say they are your peers because you probably do a great deal of “acting”), aging is not good for business.
OK, I’ll give you the last word. You seem to need it more than I do!
Keep persevering sister!
I am LOL at women on the side who are so delusional that they believe that a man is cheating because there is something wrong or missing at home. If that is the case, then why don’t they leave?
NEWS FLASH … Most of these married men who cheat do it because something is missing within themselves.
Hey, don’t shoot the messenger! I just repeat what I’m told!
I come back to find this is still going huh?
Well to those who think MOST men who cheat do it because there is something wrong with them?
Self Esteem? Past family transgressions? Hmmm.. let me think.
I as a man am going to step out on my wife or girl because I had a bad homelife? Yeah. That makes sense.
Hmm.. So me as a man will cheat because I have Self esteem problems? Hmm.. Well if women keep feeding my ego and Im married why should I have self esteem problems? That would be those guys Who CAN”T get a woman OR would NEVER DARE step out right?
OR the best one. there is something WRONG with the man? Right. Well a married woman married him…and other women want him.. but there is something wrong with him?
ok.
Well let me break it to those who aren’t willing to face reality.
Men will cheat or do cheat for MANY reasons but the main two?
1. Because they can.
2. Because what they are no longer getting at home is what they are getting elsewhere.
Plain and simple. Why blame him for what you are not doing at home? Sure.. he can leave.. but he may have his kids he is not willing to leave. he may find the “thought” of marriage great.
However his partner is no longer who she was when she was wooing him. She changed back to who she REALLY is thinking he’d change with her.
But marinate on that for the one’s who can’t see too far from their own fun make believe world.
While your man is stepping out into the real one.
Rocky-
I couldn’t agree more. Women that like to believe a man’s issues with self are what causes him to cheat will always be cheated on. They are not capable of self reflection and refuse to see how (most) lied to get their men and just simply were not sharp enough to keep up the front. Every man that i’ve ever known to cheat on his wife doesn’t leave because he doesn’t want life to change for his children. Most of them wish that their wives would get in tune with their needs and help mend the relationship. Sadly though most just get worse, causing the man to cling to his mistress like a Savior.
Actually, I’ve heard this from men who cheated and went through individual counseling along with marital counseling to save their marriage. Just about every one of them found out that they chose to cheat because of something that they were lacking internally.
Why do they turn to the mistress? Because they are looking for people and things outside of themselves to constantly boost their lacking esteem.
Many other men have far worse marriages and don’t cheat because they don’t look for external influences to give them a sense of pride, virility, etc.
Don’t shoot me either because I’m also just the messenger.
[...] to step to you, ask for a number. That stuff. Maybe, even marry you. This is my counter to Married Men Make The Best Boyfriends. Below I got some reasons why married women–to account of all women in relationships– [...]
In my teens and early twenties I had a habit of getting emotionally involved with my older male bosses. Some were married, some had girlfriends. Looking back I cannot believe how naive I was. I had some serious daddy issues that I had to work through. Ladies, let these married men go.