Loyal Or Faithful, Choose One

questionmarkLoyalty is rational, faithfulness is emotional.

Emotions change.  People fluctuate.  They come, they go.  Yes, even after 30 years together, and not by death.

When a man is loyal:

Nothing can make him leave his wife, nothing.  NATHAN.  Even if she damn near kills the kids, he will stand by her. You’ve seen it in the news.   When that mother was accused of killing her 5 kids, and that husband did not divorce her.  Eventually, when the dust settled he remarried.  But he stayed through the thickest part.

Loyalty is when a man wanders but stays home.  He and his wife have more than the law keeping them together, but almost a cosmic, mystical connection.  It’s as if his right arm was cut off.  Leaving her would make him a completely different man, maybe even one who doesn’t want to live without her.  If they do break up, better believe it didn’t have to do with another person, another baby, or another secret family.

Lots of men think they are loyal, who doesn’t want to be?  It’s honorable, it’s good, it’s masculine.   But most women do not know what it is, to ask for it, and most men do know know what it is, to do it.  But understand with loyalty, comes a high price most women couldn’t even imagine.

Faithfulness is what 99% of people have.  Yes, you do too.  It’s when you are together, and someone cheats.  The abandonment may not happen then and there, but eventually if the right person comes along, under the right circumstances, it’s on.   They are gone.  In fact, many men have told me they wish they could get kicked out just to get out of the marriage, or have her break up with him, so he could be free.   The good thing about faithfulness is it provides flexibility.  A few women have told me the same.

These days, most folks want an exit clause, so who wins? loses?  So, figure this all out and what’s more important to you.   It will take the burden off lots.

Understand that when one person decides it’s over, it usually is. But loyalty can live on.

18 comments

  1. Ebonnie says:

    I. LOVE. THIS. POST!….loyal til the day I day….you’re right most people don’t know what it is, but if you have it, there is NOTHING like it!

  2. Tacicia says:

    I must say that sadly I tend to be more faithful than loyal. That’s something I need to work on.

  3. Loving a bottom B says:

    Good post. I am all about that loyalty because its a stronger then being faithful. Faithfulness is a part or can be part of being Loyal, however, Loyal is not a part of being faithful.

    THC was on point with her analysis.

  4. Incognegro says:

    Faitfulness = not cheating

    Loyalty = sticking around

    Most men are loyal but not faithful.

    at least the ones I know.

  5. Rocky says:

    Some would say oddly enough…but I will simply say THC is right on point.

    I believe I can be Loyal to my women because she is Faithful to me. She also is the mother of my children which gives me an obligation of loyalty. However my ability to be faithful is strained due to whats missing in our eternal struggle to make things as they once were.

    However as THC says, a man who can go ANYWHERE and do ANYTHING with his other half tends to be not only Loyal but Faithful to a fault. She accepts him and he accepts her.

    However nothing tested is nothing gained.

  6. My “primary partner” and I had this conversation a million times in the duration of our relationship and my time as an escort, and it was IMPERATIVE that he understood the difference between Loyalty and Faithfulness. Luckily for me, he found a role in my career that allowed him to be a part of it (My photographer and web site assistant)

    Loyalty is the reason why he helps screen my clients….
    Loyalty is the reason why he gives me tips on my image….
    Loyalty is why I’m never insecure or jealous and neither is he…

    Loyalty over faithfulness will cut about 60% of the headaches that most people get when dealing with regular relationships.

    We go to strip-clubs together, we swing together, we watch porn together, and this is the reason why he’s so attached to me, and I to him! He really as no reason to sneak and cheat, all he has to do is ask!

    But that’s just me…..

  7. Ra says:

    Let me start by saying I’m a definite fan of the blog. I read Sex and The Single Sister a good while back on a flight to Vegas. Great read.

    Now for today’s post, I’m a little confused. I get your take on loyal, but not so much on faithful. Sounds like they both cheat/stray, loyal just chooses to maintain the 80 over the 20. They way I’m reading this, sounds like faithful cheats/strays in an attempt to get out of a current situation. I don’t see how your explanation labels a person as faithful.

    Seems like faithful and loyal would be somewhat intertwined, as opposed to a person/relationship being one or the other. You hear stories all the time about a couple who had been married for 25 – 30 yrs, then something changes, and decide to split. Does that mean that couple was never loyal to one another? I don’t think you can be loyal without also being faithful. You can’t stick by someone through thick and thin without having the belief (faith) that this person is truly the one for you, even if things change in the end.

    I get the point that there are 2 different types of relationships. I just don’t think faithfulness gives a good description of the second.

  8. Darling says:

    yeah u can have both but I think u need to decide before a relationship starts what’s important to you based on your values because we all want both, but if we lean towards faithfulness, then we can work on being loyal and vice vera. People are not perfect and relationships change. And no one is ever anything 100% of the time.

  9. geegee says:

    I would have to say I’m more loyal but I’m also faithful as I’ve never cheated and very emotional in my feelings about love. Loyal because after 14 years with my ex hubby when he cheated I still wanted to stay with him and make our marriage work, he didn’t and I didn’t fight him on it but I let him know I was there. Lucky I’ve found love again and I’m still loyal to him and faithful too!

  10. 3rddeadline says:

    D-

    Actually, my original comment was cut-off. I was going to say that I did not understand that part in quotes.

    Loyalty trumps on occassion and faithfulness trumps on occassion. Both are needed, neither is better than the other.

  11. Darling says:

    @3rd if someone is faithful doesnt meant they are loyal because they can “cheat” in other ways, loyalty trumps

  12. 3rddeadline says:

    “Faithfulness is what 99% of people have. Yes, you do too. It’s when you are together, and someone cheats.”

    These are solid distinctions you make. Emotional and Rational. It’s important for people to learn how to navigate relationships (plutonic and romantic) while operating in both states. Being too much of either causes problems; the right mix for a relationship is to exist as close to the center of the two as possible. Doing so allows you to be just vulnerable enough to feel the relationship, but level-headed enough not to be duped.

    BTW, my middle name is NATHANiel…thought you were yelling at me above…

  13. Jubilance says:

    So on point with this post Maryann.

    I’ve said for a long time that loyalty and trust are most important to me, in any relationship, whether romantic or just a friendship.

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