Love Is The Last Thing You Need…

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You can say that again…

Why does society applaud a girl who falls for a guy’s “big blue eyes” yet denounces one who chooses a man with a “big green bankroll”?

That’s how the description on Amazon begins for Smart Girls Marry Money: How Women Have Been Duped Into The Romantic Dream and How They’re Paying For It and I love it.

The authors Elizabeth Ford and Dr. Daniela Drake are talking about something women hate on each other for, and men want us to forget–money. What’s more economical?  Falling in love with the bus boy and there are no demands on big dreams and the big life or a young hottie marrying her sugar daddy for better or worse? Neither is right or wrong, but only one wins. In an interview with AOL Ford says:

No one ever says that a man is a beauty-digger because he wants a beautiful girl. Even though women are in the workforce at record numbers, we’re not making the money that men are making. Men are making three times more money over their lifetime than women are. So why isn’t it valuable for a beautiful woman to look out for her security at the end of her life? Of women who are alone at retirement age, one in five end up at the poverty level. So we realized, “Whoa, what’s a girl to do?”

If a woman is going to go this route, she has to start young at 16, attending networking events at her school, local college, researching the young boys with promise who are going the Ivy League or celebrity athlete route. This way she can raise her chances (not guarantee!) to be married by 30 to a wealthy man. But at 16, a girl has to be in another whole level than her peers to do that. With that said, I wonder if the advice these authors are giving is in vain, preaching to the choir sort of stuff.  Most women have already missed the boat on this one.

But I like this line: Earning power is afterall a reflection of his character and value. Big, blue yes? Not so much. Ha, true in its most literal sense.

What I would have liked to hear more about is this post-feminist slant that suggests women have lost it all because of feminism. I’ve always agreed women had been duped into believing feminist banter would save them from lonely, isolated lives and being seen as only sex objects. Ring the alarm. Uhm, it’s actually worse now, but the debate is that women now have a “choice”. Yeah, ok.

But I digress. Smart Girls Marry Money doesn’t go far enough for me.   What it really wants to say is women are the authors of their own demise, have been fooled, and their eggs are paying for it.  Let’s move beyond calling women who marry money as gold-diggers. It’s a word used by broke women to hold other women back, like the word  “desperate”.

Doesn’t push enough buttons, but it’s a nice hustle.

Thoughts?

9 comments

  1. Zabeth says:

    I haven’t read this book, but I still think Ginie Polo Sayles wrote the definitive guide to marrying wealthy with “How to Marry The Wealthy.” It’s a good read if you can find a copy. It was written in the 80s but most of it still applies to today. Also, I think she was in her 40s when she married her Texas millionaire husband.

    I also agree with Goodmusic. Money isn’t the end all, be all, and it certainly doesn’t buy happiness. You can marry a billionaire who cheats constantly and treats you like crap. Will you be happy? But I also say that there is NOTHING wrong with a woman wanting to be with a man who has means. As long as men are superficial (i.e. placing youth and beauty over personality and character) then women get to be superficial too.

  2. hiphopmuse says:

    There’s nothing wrong with wanting a partner that can provide financial security. Granted, I can take care of myself, but my future husband should be able to give me more than I already have. Otherwise what\’s the point? I can be sad and broke by my damn self. At the same time, I want to be attracted to my partner and be in love with him. I want love AND money. I want it all!

  3. goodmusic says:

    Although money is a plus I think the main focus should be about love, chemistry, & compatibility. Because these same women who marry a man for his money will end up cheating on him after a few years for someone who they really like. Money doesn’t equal happiness.

  4. EbonyLolita says:

    Hmmmmm I was gonna check this out at B&N but this book sounds like it falls short of the hype. Listen most arguments in a marriage are due to financial reasons. Once that equation is null then what’s left?? So…. I agree that you can fall in love w/ a rich man as easy as a poor man. If your attracted to the rich man??? Even better. No judgements b/c I don’t have to wake up and sleep with your choice. You do.

    Love, EbonyLolita 😉

  5. Cassandra says:

    I’m a lawyer for one of those social services organization and I cannot tell you how sad it is to see women and THEIR men–able bodied and sound minded men–walk in asking for handouts. These people are young and with kids. I wonder what were these women thinking marrying these losers. A man is supposed to make your life easier or enhance, if he cant do neither I rather not. That’s real.

  6. Patience says:

    I agree this book did not give me enough meat to chew I know it wasn’t a how-to, but it had a lot of double talk in it, I think the premise is good==be realistic about who you marry. Big blue eyes or a big *ick cannot pay the bills.

  7. Naddy says:

    Actually liked this book! Read it a few weeks ago. Deinitely made me want to earn more money, not marry it.

  8. Nikki says:

    I always believed “romance and love” is all frills, no substance. There are many cultures who marry for many things besides love and are happy, love is not something u catch, u can grow into it.

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