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Is Cheating Ever Deserved?

I betcha didn't know all that about him...So, there was this blog on CNN this week asking “Is Cheating Ever Deserved?”

The short answer was, yes, it is. I agree.  I wouldn’t even be referencing this if it was a typical ‘men cheat’ article. I could frankly care less, and I am bored with that.  But this was a new twist.  Too many times when men cheat, they are blamed and demonized and the women are treated as victims (the only political woman who didn’t let that happen was Hillary Clinton, and may have lots to do with her personality).   This was a good point:

“…If people vow when they marry to stay faithful to and respect one another, shouldn’t the vows be of equal importance?….The larger issue is one of equality. If we’re going to point fingers at men behaving badly, we have to take a look at the women’s behavior that may provoke it. Most issues — especially those within a relationship — are rarely ever black and white with a clear-cut victim and oppressor. People cheat for a variety of reasons, very few of which are strictly because they’re horrible human beings.”

Preach! Now, if women could only believe that. They don’t. Too many are comfortable as victims. Thoughts?

11 COMMENTS

  • EbonyLolita

    @Maryann That conclusion has come from Living and LEARNING 🙂

  • Maryann

    @EbonyLolita “Not all men cheat, Males want women to believe that [they do] b/c when it happens they won’t think that they have any other options in another mate”

    What you said is the holy grail. I wish more women understood that.

  • EbonyLolita

    Sex is just sex??? Well nowadays Sex can bring a lot more then just an orgasm. Sex comes with responsibility and when you are in a relationship whether it be a Marriage or Committed Bf/GF situation you are responsible for yourself and for the emotional/physically wellbeing of your mate. People don’t want to accept responsibility for this but they Should.

    As an Alpha cheating/babies/STD’s are Ultimate Dealbreakers. I don’t know how women can take back a cheating mate whether it be a woman or male. I can’t and won’t!! I was cheated on once and the loss of respect I had for my ex was more disheartening then anything. I stopped seeing him in the shining light that he earned when we first met. I didn’t trust him with my heart or my body anymore and Bailed. Of course, he apologized but once that feeling is gone w/me it can’t come back.

    The issue of whether cheating is deserved or not is a Moot one b/c instead of addressing the reasons that prompt you to cheat the cheater just goes out and does it and then wants teh other person’s forgiveness. *Kissteeth* Deal with the source and then maybe you won’t have to say *I’m Sorry, Cue the Rhianna song here* Not all men cheat, Males want women to believe that b/c when it happens they won’t think that they have any other options in another mate. Alphas know this is not the case. It’s lonely at the top but I’d rather be by myself and stable then with a Boyfriend and always giving him the sideeye b/c he’s lost my trust.
    Good Luck with That

    Love, EbonyLolita 😉

  • Maryann

    Good points Goldie. I’m from the school where I believe that NOT ALL men cheat. If you meet him at the right point in his life at the right time, cheating could be the LAST thing on his mind. Been there, done that. What’s for dinner? LOL

    I also can think of about 2-3 WORSE things than cheating that a person can do to another in a relationship.

    Sometimes we get what we believe. I notice most women “obsessed” with cheating are the ones who get cheated on.

  • GOLDIE

    *by someone else I mean you, but a prude version. like sasha fierce and beyonce.

  • GOLDIE

    Humans cheat.
    I believe that women and men get sidetracked by glitter things, like a baby. We don’t use 100% of our brain so why assume that we will use logic everytime a situation seems ILL-gical to you?
    I have cheated. I have been cheated on.
    To some extent I feel there are no justifications, if someone doesn’t want to be with their SO why stay in the relationship?
    Negative, Sometimes good sex is simply just that. People associate sex with love when clearly one can exist without the other. It is one thing for a man to cheat, have sex with someone other than his SO but for him to sponser someone else lifestyle and tell that person he loves them as well. That, I consider the upmost disrespect. That’s when I would see the relationship going nowhere.
    What if he just doesnt do it for you anymore, sexually or vice versa. Do you make him stay unsatisfied, sexually because your “feelings” would get hurt. Especially when some of these women are getting married and then slacking. IF you guys did have a sexual relationship before your marriage, then why act like a prude now. You expect him to “marry” someone else and be satisfied?

    men and women have sex. some just care about the “rules” more than others.

  • Maryann

    @tender, I am like you. When it is over, it is over. One thing about alpha females is that we are decisive, when a decision like that is made, it’s done. Usually, when there’s nothing left to keep us motivated. The decision may have taken some time, and thought, and may not have been our own, but we honor that.

    I rather be in a relationship that has its ups and downs and we stay together (or not), than one, that we break up and get back together as often as the moon shines. Not my thing.

    @Morris I couldn’t agree more!

  • Morris Chestnut

    A woman is not to blame for a man cheating or vice versa. In my view, both are unfaithful (to the relationship). The man, obviously, by having sex with someone else. The woman shows bad faith by (from the article) degrading, humiliating and emasculating her man.

    What exactly is the point of jeopardizing a relationship you supposedly want? Why not be single?

  • tender

    I’m so glad were on this subject. I have a question that came to mind not too long ago,and I would really appreciate your opinion on this.
    Do alpha females give second chances? I personally don’t see myself taking the HALF the BS other women take from their men, friends, or even relatives. My thing is, when I’m done, I’m done. No if’s, and, or buts about it. I just don’t understand how one could forgive someone who who knows what’s right and still do wrong. All the while the wrong doer knows it could hurt their loved one. Does that not say: Yes, I hurt you, and I did it on purpose,too! This is why “I’m sorry” means close to nothing. It had better been an accident that you couldn’t of prevented for me to accept your apology. If not, then apparenty you knew exactly what you were doing and didn’t care. Now why the hell should I? That’s how I feel about it.
    My friend(beta) says “Love hurts” and “Love is forgiving.” Love only hurts when it’s over! Other than that, it shouldn’t. And as far as forgiving, I can forgive you without keeping you in my life. There are some “One bad apple spoils the bunch.” people. Those are the ones who settle for what they get. And then their are people like me: “One monkey doesn’t stop the show.” Were the ones who vent, get it back together, and keep it moving. But do you think this too harsh? Should I be a little more considerate?

  • Zabeth

    My question is in what instances is cheating deserved?

    I agree that it’s not always black and white, but what makes one instance more “acceptable” than the other?

  • shonuff

    I think expecting a person not to cheat is placing unrealistic expectations on them, some people will cheat some people won’t, some people place high authority in their values, some don’t. Nobody that I know of gets married or gets with someone with the intent of cheating or has plans on doing so. People change, things change and over time people want to experience different things, it don’t make them a bad person, it is what it is. I myself have experienced being cheated on, I did everything but birth God almight for this male and he still cheated, don’t make him a bad person just made him believe he could do better than me I guess or he might have saw something that attracted him, needless to say after it was over and its been about 7 years now, when he sees me he still wants to come back, that’s just how it goes.

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