Weekend Rewind: If You Are Single And Still Finding Yourself…Stop

Remember this?  Before 9 Tuesdays.  Vintage days… Enjoy…


Here’s a little something to think about for the next few days.

Married women would usually be the first to tell you how they stopped doing at least 2 or 3 things on the list before they met their husband or found a new love.  I find married women as good conduits for advice, because they were single once and gave advice to others.  They obviously used their own advice and got married.   If you are married, please offer solid thoughts, not any that say single women should just “wait” or “pray” or “be happy being single.”  And please, if you are single, please refrain from the “I’m so happy” or “I don’t need a man” comments.  This is not that kind of post.

Frankly, many single women are tired of hearing that shish.  Gonna keep it gravy and biscuits for this one.   Stop doing these things now if you’re single and not by choice:

  • Lying to people that you are happy being single
  • Finding yourself
  • Blaming men or “the shortage”
  • Having casual sex
  • Forcing yourself to go out
  • Talking, again, to the ex

Is this you?

I will explain more in a later post.  If you’re ready try 9 Tuesdays.  The ladies know what I mean!


  1. Loving a bottom B says:

    Sandy thanks for the female view. It explains a lot.

    However, there something I still cant wrap my mind around. I understand the sex slowing up, that is a part of real life and any long term relationship but why does the level of freakyness go away or down? Ex. I keep hearing the same song from some of my married friends wife stops giving oral or something similar all together. I guess the old saying is true for every good marriage, their is a good mistress.

  2. Sandy says:

    maybe i can help u loving a bottom b; okay im gonna be straight up, i am a married woman and yes i was freaking my now husband from head to toe right and left whenever and however at least 5-6 days out of a 7 day week, we did it sometimes 3 times in one day; anyway, after we got married other domestic duties popped up cleaning, washing and i just got tired of coming home from work and having to go back out to eat or find something to cook; we dont have any kids so we should have no problem right? so, i feel i basically gave him all the good sex before we married now it was real life and i just be plain ole tired, i also dont feel as sexy because now we are around 24/7 and he sees my good and my bad and i see his; the thrill just aint there like that, we have sex now maybe 3 days a week and when we do its really really good but its not as important we just dont have the the time and strength, will he cheat? who knows i\’ll probably thank the chick for giving me a break! roflmao

  3. Ken says:

    Women use sex to get love. Men use love to get sex. That is why men complain that the Freakiness Factor decreases after marriage. And that is why former Gov. Elliot Spitzer is hiring a woman to dress up like Cat Woman or whatever it was he had her doing…because apparently his wife was too good to do that. The difference between Spitzer and many other men is that Spitzer’s dumb self got busted.

    On the other hand, men use “love” to get sex. They say the L-Word or do things that they know the woman will interpret is “loving actions” to get sex. Then…bam. They’re out.

    So if you want to get a man, you got to show him a preview of what is to come. But if you want to keep that man faithful after he commits, you best be doing the same freaky things if not more to keep him.

  4. Loving a bottom B says:

    Why do women become less freaky when they get married? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? As a single male can someone (male or female) please explain on why I keep hearing the same thing over and over.

  5. Brian says:

    I have to agree with Leah. My wife got me by being avaliable and asking a lot of questions. If I had been uncomfortable answering them – that would have been her first cue to move on. I don’t agree with the “stop having sex” thing. I’m all for test driving. You have to be able to co-exist sexually – even though most women will ease up on the freakiness after marriage – I think yall are just wired that way :-).

  6. Leah Mullen says:

    Uh oh I was going to say all of the above: “wait,” “pray” and “be happy being single.” LOL. But I don’t really know what else you CAN do. I married so young to the point where I don’t think I could ever have been considered really “single.” Went straight from college to living together for a year then married.

    However one thing that I’m pretty sure I did right was to be authentic. I never pretended or faked anything to try to please a man. I once heard of a woman who begged a man to marry her. Then after the man finally relented she turn around and hated him! I’m of the opinion that she really hated him through the entire courting process, but pretended in order to get married. Now she’s joined for life to a man she cannot stand!

    I only dated guys I genuinely liked and who liked me equally. Also I took my relationships SERIOUSLY even when I was only 19 years old. So maybe that is my “secret” if indeed I do have one. My husband says he liked the fact that I asked him a lot of questions and was not intimidated by him. He told me most other women didn’t ask any questions. I don’t get that either. How can you be with a man you do not know?!?

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