I Didn’t Kill Chivalry, You Did
The Strong-Independent-Woman Brigade actually have molested these words to cause deep rooted confusion.
But from the media and such chivalry is addressed as a dying behavior bestowed upon women by men. The whole marketing of chivalry is just dead wrong. It’s marketed as this thing for women that they get and men have to do. It’s actually a behavior that benefits the male and female. It’s courteous and it makes each other feel good, and defines gender roles. In America, the issue of defining gender roles is frowned upon altogether, but that’s another blog.
Unfortunately, a lot of women do not know how to receive properly. That’s what killed it. When a man opens a door, they barrel right through it without thanking him, or laugh when he pulls out their chair. Or waves him away, when it’s time for him to put on her coat. Many suck their teeth, roll their eyes while addressing him as old fashioned, sexist or even boring. This may be a good woman, but like she’s unable to receive his love and effort, she’s unable to be happy with him.
When a man walks me to his car, I automatically walk to his side if he doesn’t open my door. I can tell by the direction he is walking where’s he’s going. He’s usually confused that we’re both standing at his driver side. I tell him that I thought he was going to show me something. He then gets it. I don’t tell him “You’re supposed to open my door”. He figures it out and opens it willingly. Thankfully, this has only happened twice in my life. Ninety-eight percent of the men I’ve dated are chivalrous delights. When I drive my own car, they open my driver door and help me out. That one is a classic. Hardly find men to do that because women don’t even know. What’s more common is for him to let you in, let you out on the passenger side and yada yada.
One little chivalry thing that my man and I usually work out together is who walks in front. Traditionally the woman does, but it was something I never liked. I liked walking behind my man since his big, tallness can clear the way better than I can in a crowded restaurant. But it’s more appropriate for him to walk behind you to make it clear you two are together. He can see danger ahead and act more quickly when he is behind you.
I don’t see chivalry making a big come back on a epidemic scale because there are too many children being raised with no knowledge of it. When I was a 6th grade teacher I taught it. Usually the boys and girls liked rushing through the doors in the morning. When I’d catch ’em, I made sure if a boy and girl were pressing for the same limited space, I’d ask him to let her go first. I made sure the boys had some decorum in treating the girls. I then expected the girls to treat the boys right. They were to say thank you to boys for opening doors.
If you are dating a man who is chivalrous and you can’t stand it, please keep it to yourself. Just use the instances that he opens the door, as moments to say, “Thank you, but it’s ok”, as you walk through it. Don’t give him the big-independent-woman-tired-1990s schpeel. He’ll get it and most likely see you as someone who never was treated well before.
Learn to receive all kinds of generous acts and show your appreciation. Saying thank you and allowing him to treat you kind is one way. You can also bring your man his dinner, a refreshing drink or just a foot rub on Wednesday nights just for nothing. If you act like a woman who can receive, you’ll attract more chivalrous men, who’ll allow you to bond with them. Chivarlous men are just more generous with everything–their heart, money, time, and love. If it’s no interest to you, that’s fine and dandy, too.
But I never met a woman who doesn’t like to feel like a lady now and again.