How To Train (Motivate) Your Man

(In response to “Kingmaking” article at Essence.com)

By Te-Erika Patterson

Regardless of his personality type, regardless of his race, regardless of his financial status there are really only TWO different types of men that exist; dominant and submissive.  If you want to pull your man towards his best life and push him to be on his best behavior at all times, all you have to do is recognize which type of man you have and then train him.

The Dominant Man

The dominant man is recognized by his confidence in his abilities and the way he makes decisions without needing a consensus. He trusts his own judgment and expects you to respect and trust him too. To motivate this man to be his best, take good care of you and his empire you need to:

  • Consistently adore him
  • Pamper him
  • Respect and support his decisions
  • Remind him that he is a King
  • Make his home his paradise
  • Stay sexy and eager to please
  • Feed him
  • Be his biggest cheerleader

The dominant man will appreciate a woman who is submissive and plays a role that completely caters to his needs and wants in life. He will probably have a big bark, yelling out orders and throwing his weight around but he does still love you. He exercises his authority aggressively both in the office and at home and it makes him feel like more of a man to have his lady looking sexy and consistently ready to please, without an attitude or objection.

The Submissive Man

The submissive man is recognized by his constant need for reassurance.  He needs your approval before he does anything and he adores affection and being petted. He doesn’t really know how to be dominant and he doesn’t want to be. He needs a woman to make him be a better man by:

  • Questioning his decision making
  • Making him earn home cooked meals
  • Rationing out sex as a reward for good behavior
  • Punishing him by making him sleep on the couch (or kicking him out the house)
  • Belittling him by reminding him that his life would be nothing without you
  • Never giving oral sex unless it is your anniversary or he does something outstanding
  • Consistently threatening to leave him if he does not meet your expectations
  • Constantly critiquing his efforts

The submissive man will appreciate a woman who treats him like a dog because this delights him. Somewhere along the line he was trained to believe that this behavior is indicative of a real woman. He loves a woman with an attitude and would reject any woman who adores him. He has no clue how to be a better man on his own so he needs your aggressive guidance and fully appreciates it.

Te-Erika Patterson frequently writes blog posts for Alphanista.  To learn more about her visit her at www.te-erika.blogspot.com.

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Listen to Essence relationship columnist (“Kingmaking”, etc) and bestselling author Steven James Dixon take your questions in the Alphanista Inner Circle, exclusive for members-only.  Starts Jan 17th.

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