Monday Madness: How To Date A White Man
So back at the ranch….
By Guest Blogger, Nikki Harris
Everybody wants to know how I got so lucky.
About a year ago, I was hustling to work, sitting around with my girls, talking about how we need to stop just dating black men. None of my girl friends did, but I did. A year later, I’m getting ready to move in a beautiful home in Hartsdale, NY, started a home based business with my soon-to-be-hubby and living life while my friends get older and grayer.
But it’s their fault.
I took it amongst myself and got me a white man. Yes, in church. I know, so typical. But nothing about our relationship is typical. At first it was just a test, but I started liking him. I learned that dating a white man is different than being with a brother. We all know how it is to date a black man. To make it short: they have lots of inner issues that are unresolved about women, fearful, and often jealous of women. Let me explain by listing how to date your white man:
1. Ask questions. White men love it when you have questions about their future, past, present, ex-girlfriends, and all of that. They want to prove to you that they are ready, unlike, ahem, some men out there. They share themselves freely which makes you get closer quicker.
2. Let him open the door. White men are very chivalrous. Do not even think about the “independent sister got her own door” move. They pull out chairs, car doors, put your coat on, take it off, and if you have a problem with something they take care of it. They like exerting their manhood.
3. Do your hair. White men no matter how hard they try, hate weaves. They consider it a stereotypical black female thing. It’s wrong. Get a comb, some grease, and a flat iron and make your shit pop.
4. Go for clean looks, and makeup. Unless you are dating Andrew Dice Clay, white, conservative men with money like clean, simple looks on women. Show your legs all the time,
5. Ask him for money. They expect it. White men have no problem sharing. If he is broke, he will help you with what he can. They still have that “white guilt” thing and have no problem helping a sister on a regular basis get on her feet.
6. Go slow in the bedroom. White men like to take control in the bedroom. Maybe it’s because they have “size” anxiety but they will take care of their business. Just don’t try to throw it back at him too early, it can intimate and frustrate him. Take your time, let him get used to your bumper’s size (if you got it like that). After a few times, he’ll be addicted to that part. But be careful, they do believe in leaving through the back door.
7. Bring his family a “black” ethnic dish. He’ll love that. They will, too because they’ll have a reason to brag to their friends and it’s what they are used to seeing—black women cooking.
8. Develop a palette. Try different foods and find out about wines. For some reason white men love wine with everything and he will ask you your favorite. Please don’t say Zinfandel or Chardonnay.
9. Buy a good pair of knee pads. White men love the outdoors and sports. You’ll be hiking, skating, running and biking. Get used to it.
10. Leave the black attitude. No matter how much they say they love black women’s attitude and energy, 24/7 it can be annoying. Know when to be quiet and listen to your white man. They are still very traditional and like traditional women, no matter what you see on television.