Tip 23: How To Be An Alphanista

“Love sees sharply, hatred sees even more sharp, but Jealousy sees the sharpest for it is love and hate at the same time”–Arab Proverb

If you’re the alpha at work or school who most women love to hate, then this one is for you.

Here is a typical scenario for an alpha female: she is the one on the “outside” of a group.

What happens is that the alpha female may be “new” to the area or job.  Where most women would make themselves a part of the group and feel “bad” if they are not accepted, alpha females have another  strategy.  Being the target of jealousy or curiosity is not new to alphas, and she is normally very comfortable alone, and that makes others VERY uncomfortable.   She is neither out or in a group, she is always where she wants to be.  And she rather be alone than be unwelcomed or unappreciated.

The trick here is to never ask to be part of the group.  Do not bend to the group or accept invitations for lunch or dinner.  These invites are usually prime time for those to peck on you like ravenous pigeons on toast.  They are curious about you, who you are, and why you are so self contained.  They’ll label you and call you “crazy” or “anti-social” to hide jealousy or frustration about you.  A true alpha won’t flinch, hey, it’s nothing new to her.

Now, here is your option if you want to be entertained by others instead of yourself: create a group. You set yourself up from the start as the person to get to know.  People will come and go from the group, but you stay, molding and shaping the group to suit you.  The group must always grow or they have no value for it and will leave.  This is your platform to be who you are without reservation.  Should you need to retreat from the group or be alone entirely (I think the alpha may spend too much time alone, but that’s another blog) be prepared to attract another loner, preferably a beta, where both of your energies can balance the other.   Want to rustle the feathers of the group of women who are mystified by your aloofness?   Try this.

Too many women are interested in pleasing other women.  Like the saying goes, “if you can’t accept yourself, then certainly no one else will”.


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  1. Lynne says:

    @Joreather-it can indeed work well at the office-I used it to combat a negative ringleader (apparently a wanna-be alpha) and turn around morale. She quit.

  2. DLR says:

    “And she rather be alone than be unwelcomed or unappreciated.”

    Now that is definitely me. But I’ve been on my own so long, I think I’ve forgotten how to start a group…

  3. Jada says:

    This is valuable advice! As an outsider, I learned this LATE IN THE GAME. I got three groups now and I am the one everybody comes to. IT FUELS MY CREATIVITY and keeps things interesting….UGH I COULD NOT DO ANYTHING ELSE IF I JOIN A GROUP IS TO CONFORM TO GROUP THINK BE YASELF.

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