Accepting your darkness, as well, as your light, is a sense of freedom.
It doesn’t mean that you continue self-defeating, or self-sabotaging habits. It means you recognize them as catalysts for growth. People talk about feeling “free”, but real freedom is the ability to share your whole self, not just your “good” self.
Being “good” is half-hearted, it withholds, it is not real, or the entire story. Here, your intuition will tell you what to do, and what you are really seeing. Without it, you find yourself in relationships with “good” people, only to see who they really are when it’s too late–you are locked in emotionally. Tied-up. I won’t get into it here, but read books by Debbie Ford. For now, the moment you accept the darkness–with its pain and failures– is when you can experience something new. It is also when you sharpen your intuition and detect bullshit, a lot faster, and clearer. You also develop boundaries and healthy, self-care tactics. You will also have more evenness between the “you” at home and the one you show the world.
When this happens, you may lose friends, jobs, situations, etc, and get a whole new set of experiences. You will gain real authenticity in your life. Freedom. It takes support, reading, and being alone. But couples can also work on this together. It really makes no sense to leave a relationship, when you are screwed up. When you’ve received no counseling or therapy or done work on yourself. You can only recreate from the level you are at. You are just setting yourself up for the same problems, different face.
So, is there one solution to stop the pain? The alpha way is to accept the pain with the strongest part of yourself. Be it meditation, counseling, rehab, therapy, chanting, etc. Acceptance is working with it, integrating it, not making it disappear. It won’t ever really disappear, but you will be able to cope better, forgive more, and change how you look at things.
Read more in this series.