He Said/She Said Game: Your Side Of The Story
April 27, 2009
This one is a typical situation I received a few weeks ago and finally closed.
Is it a case of “too good to be true” in her mind? They both were kind enough to give us the background. Each person sees the other person’s response for the first time right here. Last I checked, they are still broken up.
You figure out who won this game. Whose side are you on? Not as simple as it sounds.
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Lisa M., 29, Chicago, administrative assistant
A few months ago I got back with my ex. We had been together since college days but lately he started coming back at me. I been single for so long and already familiar with who he is and his family I said whatever. I went back to him. To show me he was serious he even moved to my side of town. We didn’t move in together. So for three months everything was all good we took a few weekend trips and had amazing sex. It was just like college days again. Not too long after that I started talking to him about moving in so we can be a couple. It didn’t matter who moved in with who because we both owned property and can rent it out. Anyway, he decided to move in with me. Worst situation ever. Not because we couldn’t get along. He proposed to me some weeks after that. I took the measly little ring. I loved this man and though it wasn’t the perfect situation, I wanted it to work. But I was starting to feel uneasy all this was happening in just 6 months. Why couldn’t I be happy? So I got some counsel. After talking to my girlfriends they thought it was the worst thing to get engaged so soon especially with an ex that he had to be tested and I needed to wait it out to see if he changed.
Well, I did that. I had a GPS follow him and I found out that before he comes home from work he would visit various women. But it wasn’t just her, or that simple. It was several women he’d go visit during the day and “hang with”. This fool wasn’t even going to work sometimes! I felt I was set up! He moved in with me to use me and I kicked his ass out. My girls told me I did the right thing, and so did Jesus. But sometimes I wonder, what he was thinking.
Steve T., Chicago, 29, paralegal
I moved to Lisa’s area because I was serious. It was all about Lisa. She had been calling me, asking my family about me, until I just called her up one day. Conversation was decent so we kicked it on the phone. She asked me to prove to her that I wanted to get with her. Maybe I was wrong to just up and go, but I didn’t move in with her. She wanted me to from the gate. But I know that was a deathwish since Lisa was always talking about getting pregnant. Not interested in that right now, but I thought about it. Lisa was one of those women I could have my way with. It was time to settle down and every man like having a wifey at home. So, I gave her a ring to give me more time to figure things out. Not sure about being faithful and all that because every man is a work in progress. But I was trying and falling in love with her again. Everything did happen fast like hell. A few co workers (guys) from my job asked me to hang out with them. How da hell she know if they were women? GPS don’t tell sex. That’s some ole bullsh*t her bamma ass friends put in her head. Once those bitter *itches got wind we got engaged all kinds of questions came out of nowhere. I still don’t know why I got kicked out! If it wasn’t for her friends we’d still be together. Lisa’s friends don’t want her to be happy. Don’t know why she can’t see that. She can take her “wondering” self and drive somebody esle away.
If you are interested in getting the other side of the story, email me a brief description of the situation 50 words max to mreidasst1@aol.com. Remember, the truth hurts sometimes.
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LOL I guess steve got his answer! And he lost on that one. He shoulda manned up and took control.
Please! I do not tell my friends a damn thing for this very reason. If she is single because of this SHE LOST.
Good morning, Imma have my drink & put my 2cents in>>>>>HIT IT>>>>>
Now, Lisa M you didn’t need to go to her friends for advice. You had her own advice via the apprehension once Steve moved in. You called the ring measly and took it anyway. You identified the arrangement as not being ideal, but you wanted it to work. *FAIL*
You feel used that he moved in with you. Fi wha!! you knew it wasn’t ish and decided to force an already losing battle. I’d trust Jesus’ advice be4 that of any friend. Once I got his input, that’s it. He’s the Alpha and Omega so bump what mi frens haffi seh. It is what it is *shrugs*
The GPS issue was your way of getting out. I think that it was bogus but hey any legal way of getting out a bad situation is OK w/ me. Lisa, sometimes as a Woman, you need to keep your business to yourself. Who knows the situation better then you do. It’s your life that your living and no one should know all that goes on between a Man and a Woman. Life is easier that way b/c if you make a decision that goes against the “crew” they’ll just hate and talk ish behind your back and you’ll still feel like a fool. I’ve learned that lesson and I don’t ask them for advice nor do I give advice to my friends unless they outright ask me for it.
Steve…..
You ain’t ish. Your intentions were dutty from the beginning. You don’t move in w. a woman in order to buy yourself time. That’s stupid, especially when you claim that she wanted kids and you weren’t ready for that. You set your own self up for unplanned pregnancy and allegedly being stuck w. a woman that you weren’t going to marry. Hence *measly ring* guess you figured you’d give her something but not really invest in it. Sheww… You didn’t invest in Lisa b.c you only saw her as somebody that “I could have my way with.” You didn’t seem to love her for her Wife character traits, you saw her as an easy victim that would play wife at home while you lived an unfaithful lifestyle in the streets. Your bitchassness needs a vaccination. So, whether her “bamma friends” but ideas about infidelity in her head or not you were an a$$ hole and not worthy of her anyway.
Thank you Jesus/Joseph/Mary and the Mule that a pregnancy didn’t come out of this already FAILED situation.
This is my opinion and I’m sticking to it *deuces*
Love,
EbonyLolita
Simply put she knew that things were not right, like he said “Lisa was one of those women I could have my way with. It was time to settle down and every man like having a wifey at home. So, I gave her a ring to give me more time to figure things out. Not sure about being faithful and all that because every man is a work in progress.”
If that’s the way he thinks about her than it wasn’t real love. You propose marriage because you want to spend the rest of your life with the person you love, and if you’re not sure about being faithful you shouldn’t be proposing marriage. Everyone is a work in progress that just sounds like some lame ass excuse of who wants to have his cakes and eat all of them too.
As for the girlfriends yes your girl have your best interest at heart, or at least you hope they do, because there are some trifling friends out there (both male and females) when its all said and done you’re the one that will spend the rest of your life with this person not your girls. You have to do what’s best for you not what you’re girls think is best for you. Its not their life its yours, its really hard making hard decisions but ultimately listen to that voice in the back of your head it will never steer you wrong.
Ultimately Lisa made the best decision you need to be with someone with integrity someone who means what he says and says what he means. Someone who’s not trying to bide time by giving you a ring. I’m sorry but that’s some real immature bullshit and the reason so many marriages end in divorce. There’s more fish in the sea mama, so just keep swimming on.
Both of them FAIL as far as this relationship is concerned. Sounds like two people tired of lonely just settling for whatever.
If ya settle for less than you deserve, you get less than you settled for….
So did he cheat or not, he never really answered. Kinda of glazed over it…..
AND Steve sounds like a fool.
They both lose, like attracts like, and this was over before it started. Too many other issues to unpack.
I noticed it too he didnt answer the cheating question
@EbonyLolita good point about him not investing in her, and I am not talking about material things…
I am completely confused by this situation. I don\’t understand this at all.
The fact that she didn\’t trust him, felt that the situation was rushed, didn\’t like the ring, and needed to consult her girlfriends suggests to me that she didn\’t want to be married- at least not to him. One of my girlfriends got engaged to her husband after 3 months and didn\’t need to ask anybody about it. So it\’s not a matter to time if this is the person you really want to be with.
As for Steve, he\’s a boy in a man\’s clothing. He couldn\’t man up and tell her he didn\’t want to be committed to her nor was he ready to settle down. Buying time? Seriously? He used her plain and simple. Just like he said- she was the girl he could have his way with.
Lisa was wrong from the first sentence. He was an ex for a reason, and she didn’t need to get back with him. Obviously, she sees why now.
And Steve is just trife and silly sounding too. Was she that lonely that she felt she had no better option but to settle for this dude?
The question should be “What were YOU thinking” Lisa? It seemed like you settled from the beginning. Its like you told yourself, “hell, I dont have anything better to do so let me see if I can make an honest man out of him”. Everything wasnt moving too fast, YOU was moving fast. By talking about moving in with him even before he put a ring on it, you allowed him to give you a “measly little ring” because he did not have to put much effort into anything. And by the way-you dont have to move in with someone to be a couple. However, both your stories are very confusing. You allowed him to move in with you, you got a ring, you loved the man, you wanted it to work but you just kept feeling uneasy so you got a GPS to follow him around blah blah blah blah. Same thing with Steve, it was like he said “well, since she’s asking about me and the conversation is “decent” we will just kick it. Then you knew she wanted to get pregnant but you didnt want a baby; you decided to move in with her anyways. Then your not sure about the faithful thing, then you gave her a ring to buy time. For what? and why? People this is just too much! STOP!
Lisa, Jesus should have been your first option because had you spoken to him about it first, you could have avoided this calamity all together. Cardinal rule #1. You NEVER ask a man to move in with you! He does the asking! Doing so ensures that he is serious about it and if it does not work out at least you know that he was the one that wanted it in the first place. The proof I have of that is evident in Steve’s view of the situation. He places all the blame on you if you notice. Lisa, just learn from it and move on; at least you didnt marry him! Halleluyer!
Steve, grow some balls! I absolutely hate a man that takes advantage of women. Thats being a sissy. Nobody likes a sissy. You needed to be a man about yours and tell Lisa that you werent really ready for what she was ready for. Dont prey on her, which is exactly what you did. That was very mean and ill spirited and God does not like ugly. You could not have felt that serious and NO it was NOT all about Lisa. You werent even sure about being faithful! You knew you did not want the same things this girl wanted, so why did you string her along? Its not even about the whole GPS thing. This relationship was doomed from the jump. Steve, just do you and dont try to take nobody else down with you. If you know that you are not ready to do something you dont have to do it. I am almost positively certain that Lisa did not put a gun to your head seeing that she is “somebody that you can have your way with”. Be a MAN!!!
I am definitly not going to blame Lisa’s girlfriends for this nor am I going to pick sides here because they are equally responsible for where this relationship went wrong.