I contacted a few folks on my subscriber list. I asked them: “What happened during your last breakup? Tell me your side of the story.”
They also had to give me their ex’s contact info to get their side of the story, too. After a few days of wondering if I should expose the truth or not, I decided I would. This is a good practice to self examine ourselves in front of objective opinions by people who do not know us.
And that is what it means to be an “alphanista” –keep your friends close, but enemies closer because they have a lesson to teach you. You can’t be the manager of your life, if you don’t know all the crap that’s inside your head.
Both of the subscribers have agreed to find out on this site, what the other person says. I wrote up their stories below after doing separate interviews. I chose not to get the info via email because too much thought goes into that. I wanted raw facts. They have not spoken since break up about 3 months ago. But after this, it may be part of the healing…or not?
Denece, 31, Somewhere in NYC, chief of staff, investment bank
I met Neil about a year ago at an afterwork event in Manhattan. As soon as I saw him my stomach made loops. I really felt I was about to faint. He was so handsome. Tall, pretty teeth and had on a fly suit. That was all external, but his look got my attention. When he approached me, he looked even better. He was not afraid that I was with a group of 5 women. Though if I hadn’t excused myself, he and I may not have exchanged digits. We went on our first that week, just a few days after meeting. Since our first date, we had been inseparable. Fast forward to the 3months, and I was sitting at his family table for Thanksgiving dinner. I was excited, and so was he. But we both knew it was a little early for anything more than dating. But then, I noticed that he was calling me less. This blew my mind. We spent lots of time together and never argued. He would always call me back when I called him. He even told me he loved me. But suddenly, he was playing ghost. I cannot tell you how upset and nervous I was because I had shared secrets with this man, I really felt we would get married after a year.
One of his friends invited him on a vacation for his 35th birthday in Antigua. I wasn’t even invited, and the other guys brought their girls. I was hurt and pissed off. I was beginning to feel he was trying to get rid of me. I sat him down for the “talk” and he assured me it was in my head, and we just needed space. I calmed down. But when he got back from his trip 2 weeks later, it was almost the end of us. He ran into a bitter enemy of mine (of all freakin places!) in Antigua, but I think there was some kind of soul jazz fest there or something that brought people from everywhere. She calls me and tells me that my man, the man I trusted, called me all kinds of names and flirted with her. Man, he slept with her. That is what she told me. And there is no reason for this woman to call me.
I confronted him, and he admitted meeting her, flirting with her, but not sleeping with her. Whatever. One of his boys told me he had disappeared for a night. After that, I called the relationship off. I will not demean myself for anyone just to have a man. He was out there embarrassing the shit out of me. While, I was trying to be the perfect woman, he was being a damn dog. Why couldn’t he just break up with me, instead of dragging my name through the dirt and have others laugh at me behind my back?
Neil, 34, Hedge fund manager, Connecticut area
When I met Denece, it was like an instant attraction. Out of all the women in the room, she was the tallest, not the prettiest. Buts she had this glow about her, like this self assurance I loved in a woman. She was in a group of females, and they were all listening to her. She was the leader, and I liked that. We dated quickly, things moved fast with us. When Thanksgiving came around, I had suggested that the two of us go to dinner alone. Do something different. I had spent over 30 Thanksgivings with my family, and sometimes I wanna branch out if I have a special woman. Denece said no. She demanded that we have dinner with my family because she wanted to meet them.
I didn’t think Thanksgiving was a time to meet my family after 3 months because it always bought out the family folks I don’t see, don’t know, and don’t like. I had wanted her to meet my family on a regular lazy Sunday, where it was more intimate. But like Denece, she had to have it done her way and done now. So we did it.
That night was the beginning of our demise. She was so extra at the Thanksgiving dinner. She didn’t play the girlfriend role, she was all over the damn place and loud just like my 5 sisters. It wasn’t cool with me. I talked to her about this, and she started asking questions if I loved her, and was I trying to break up with her. So, now talking 2-3 times a day, turned into 5-6 times a day because Denece needed daily and sometimes hourly reassurance that I loved her, and wanted to be with her. It was turning me off. Actually, I was hurt by it because I thought I had been a good man to her. I took care of everything in the relationship. I met her when she was down, and I helped her get herself together with a new job I referred her to. Anyway, I thought I shown and proven I was there for her 110%. When my boy invited me to go away for his bday, I asked Denece to come with us. She said, no. She didn’t want to hang with me and my boys, even though they had their girlfriends with them.
But Denece is a very insecure woman inside all that bravado, and couldn’t stand being around 3 other females for 2 weeks. I understood, but went anyway. That’s when I met her friend. We did have sex. It was a mistake. It was Antigua. And actually, I wanted to get rid of Denece. When I got home, it did hit me hard, because I regretted it. But Denece was more concerned about how she looked to others, than her man being with another woman. It is always about Denece. I am fine now, have moved on. If Denece can get rid of that holier than though attitude that she is perfect, she may finally get what she’s looking for.
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