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Weekend Rewind: Have Eggs, Want Babies?

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"Honey, It's Readyyyy!...."

This one is a gem!  One of my favorites….Enjoy!

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In the post yesterday about Married Women Are Evil, someone said that husbands and marriage will be here till the end of time.

I agree.  They will.

But your eggs won’t be.

Recently, I had been thinking what if women let their eggs do the dating for them.  Follow me.  You spend so much time picking, waiting, thinking, ignoring, resigning the need to be in a relationship or have a family that you look around and you’re 40plus.  No children—yet.  Unless you have Madonna money, fertility treatments are expensive.  And when you just wanted one baby, you can end up with a  boatload all at once.

This is to say:  Think about your eggs.  They do have a time limit.  I’m not into putting the scare in anyone, but that is reality.  It is biology, nature.  [Stop reading here if you don’t want kids].

If you want kids, your eggs are probably wondering “WTF is going on out there?” Over 35, and still nada.  Could be younger, if you want it sooner.  An alpha female is not going to let her desire for a family fall to the wayside if she really wants it.  She’ll find a way and organize her thoughts that.  Get it done.  Then, have something else to conquer.

Start planning now if you want a family.  Don’t just date, mate.  When your eggs are talking you can spot a man who can make “good babies” about 5 blocks away.  Remember, you are the gatekeeper of your family’s “genetic integrity”.  Use this innate instinct to choose prospective partners.  Guard your body and mind.  Do his teeth look clean?  Is his hair neat?  Is he tall?  Does he white, protein filled nails?  Are his eyes clear and bright?   Is his skin a healthy, uniform color with limited blemishes?  If he passes all this, then you can start the psychological process.  Keep the timeline.  6 months to commitment.

As an alternative, if you are still single, freezing your eggs are an option until you are ready to use them.  Of course, donating your eggs to give to another woman can work, too.  At least you’ll have something out there.  Next, look at the women in your family.  If they are having babies up until their 40s, then you should be good.  Because all of that is hereditary if you are a generally healthy woman.  So, let’s not get caught up in the media world and fantasy that we don’t have this “egg” issue at hand.  It’s frustrating, but it doesn’t have to be when you control your destiny.

And I don’t believe that God didn’t make certain women to be mothers, or even a wife.  That’s one of those “advertised” excuses.   If you have a desire, then it’s there for a reason and an inclination that it can be yours based on choices you make along the way.  Too many women, don’t want the responsibility, so they blame a higher power. The few women who have told me they don’t want kids, I believed.  They insisted they had absolutely no urge.  They liked children, but really couldn’t be bothered with the whole birth and rearing thing.  I respect that.

So, if you want a family, be honest with yourself.  Get your house in order.  Your little nieces ain’t gonna do because they will always love their mommy more.

15 COMMENTS

  • mike

    To all the women whom didnt let GOD have his way in your twenties, you know……chasing and waiting on the big bank brothers, tall athletes, ballers and shot callers, overlooking those great guys that might have been just a bit short on the tall,not quite long on the bank, was in the game but, was on the bench waiting for his shot to start, you deserve this delema. You thought you would do better…but didnt. Now that guy has a beautiful wife and family and couldnt be doing better! You at 35 (if thats your real age) is still in the club, hanging out after the game hoping one of them ballers or money types takes notice of your old butt, still trying to be in CONTROL of what only GOD has control of. Sorry. You had your chance. Wish you luck tho……

  • ohthesweetpromise

    The good old ticker. LOL

    I want to have children one day. They are so cute and cuddly, and their little feet and their booties and their fingers and their cheeks awwwwwwww… (ok snap out of it)

    Ok LOL, I want to have a family, that is why I am trying to get all this school thing over with. My babies are going to need my full attention and I want to be in that place in my career when I am the boss. Oh and my babies are going to have a father present. I am going to get married before I have children. My sweet babies deserve it.

    But it is up to us women to choose the right partner. Look for the family guy if you want a family and do pre-marital counseling so the both of you are on the same page. I had a friend who was a practicing Christian, tried hard to live her life right. When she finally met prince charming I advice her to go through pre-marital counseling and she thanked me afterward. She found some old baggage that she thought she was rid of and they were able to take care of it. Now she is a happily married woman.

  • Zabeth

    “When women date like this it’s obvious what they want and I don’t need the preSSSure.”

    If that’s the case than I’d assume you weren’t ready or didn’t want that kind of committment. That’s perfectly fine. But I think if a woman is ready than she should be upfront about it, date with a purpose, and not waste time with someone isn’t on the same page. Eggs do have a shelf life- and so does sperm by the way!

    http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/03/05/earlyshow/contributors/emilysenay/main2536407.shtml?source=search_story

  • Cipher

    HA! I raise my kids with my fiancee and it’s STILL hard. Life is busy, they need copious amounts of attention and love. God bless them. If you are not willing to give your 150%, then don’t have the kids. Oh, and I’m young. I had my 6 year old just 3 weeks short of my 21st birthday, and my 11 month old at 26. Please believe it’s hell. Sweet, but hellish lol

  • Ciara

    Sandy that’s not true about the parents being married that you will automatically grow up in a better household and turn out better…that’s not true. It was huge discussion about that on another blog I frequently visit. That’s not true I do believe that a child without a mother or father in the picture might have a void to fill but who’s to say that because a child grows up without a father or mother that they are automatically catergorized to be a screw up. It’s plenty of people that grew up in single parent households and turned out great. Hell I’m 23 and I know I still had plenty of time to make a baby and find the right man but, at the time when I got pregnant with my daughter I couldn’t go through with an abortion. I damn sure wasn’t about to go through a whole 9 months of feeling something I helped make move inside of me and give it up for adoption. So I guess it depends on the situation. But being married doesn’t guarantee anything! Women if you feel like you’re ready hey do it, you don’t want to wait, wait, and wait and before you know it it’s too late. I know a friend of my mothers to this day is only a few years older than my mom and she had those fybriod tumors in her uterus real bad and they had to do a hysterectomy when she was young enough to rear children but after the surgery she couldn’t ever have children….so you better do something before it’s too late. And no I don’t plan on having anymore.

  • Noisy Girl/ Lovely...

    I’ve always said: In my 40s I’m going to adopt a special needs child. Can’t wait!!!

  • Sandy

    using one’s “eggs” as an approach to dating is all fine and dandy if the purpose is to find a husband FIRST, then have the kids. Although its a woman’s prerogative to opt for single parenthood, however I personally agree with Chris Rock when he said “you can do it alone (have kids) but that doesnt make it a good f*ckin idea.” A committed relationship with children is not the same as marriage with children. Both Single mothers and “committed” couples with children dont even have the same governmental rights and privileges as married persons with children. Not to mention all of the other issues that happen in higher frequency to children that arent raised in MARRIED two-parent households. That said, if the eggs are doing the talkin make sure they are thinking logically and not selfishly. Dating just to get knocked up because you cant wait to be a mommy is not very bright. Dont forget about the kids.

  • Erika Jones

    James…

    Absolutely! No doubt about it!

    What if I never get married? Am I not suppose to want my own family or offspring?

  • James

    @erika so u would have a baby with no husband?

  • Erika Jones

    I like this post because it’s thinking is “out of the box”, and Im very much an “Outta the box” kinda girl. Although I am very much a supporter for the doctrine of marriage and relationship, I am also realistic.

    If I were a woman approaching 40 with no man nor children, but had the desire, I would definitely take matters into my own hands. Nothing is more saddening than looking back onto your life with much regret and disappointment. And for me, having no children would be the GREATEST disappointment in my life.

    I can get married at 50, 60, or even 80…It’s not a rush for me!

  • Sherryberry

    I needed to hear this. Maryann, what you just posted is real talk. I really had to think of my response to this.
    I am single with no kids; I want to follow the natural progression of life and get married and have children. That is why I have been working so hard on myself, education, career, working out in the gym to get my body right. I am working my ass off! But, back to the topic, I respect women who don’t want kids, it’s a choice and I do believe some women just don’t want to be mothers. However, that is not me. Even though I am scared of giving birth to a child ( I watch too many of those childbirth shows on TLC/Discovery channel, LOL) I know I will regret not having a baby. I have made the decision that I want to be a mother.

    I am in my early 30’s and I’m plotting my next move. I know some men my age still don’t want to settle down but I’m not worried about them- I completely put them out of my mind- and guess what, they don’t approach. I know Mr.Right is around the corner waiting to meet me, marry me and start a family not out of pressure but because he also wants to share intimacy and bonding. I know that sounds like a fairytale to some but I have faith and plus, I’m ready.

    Now, I do agree that some women need to get real with themselves and decide whether they want kids or not, especially if you are not in your 20’s anymore. I also feel when women get out of their 20’s- it’s time to be more selective in the type of mate they want ( but I’m sure we all know this). Dare I say, even picky. Well, I know I am.

    Also, I think once women are clear on their life decisions, opportunities one never thought possible appear.

    @ Dawn, good for you!

  • James

    When women date like this it’s obvious what they want and I don’t need the preSSSure.

  • Dawn

    Tried this. One of those women who waited, not because I wanted to wait because I was just meetin clowns. Then in my mid thirties, I was like WTF. I must be the one at fault here. Not the men! I did start dating more deliberately—had no problem meeting men so this was easy. Got married in a year, preggers on honey moon night. I’m 37 baby few months old. Ladies, don’t believe the hype out there…

  • Monique

    Ok, I must be “one of those women” Ricky is speaking of. I have kids was in a relationship did not work out, but I am young I am not even 30 yet and my kids are big. I want more kids but I will NEVER do it alone. If I dont have kids again, I’ll be aight I guess 🙁

    But this is an issue lots of women go through with or without kids its what makes us women we keep the species alive lol we cant help it.

  • Ricky

    HA! You need to tell this to all the black women out here if you have kids, they don’t have no needing babies issues, they got too many, and no man.

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