Recently, Michelle Obama gave some dating advice to women in Glamour (a publication I’ve written for), and she said this:
Cute’s good. But cute only lasts for so long, and then it’s, Who are you as a person? That’s the advice I would give to women: Don’t look at the bankbook or the title. Look at the heart. Look at the soul. Look at how the guy treats his mother and what he says about women. How he acts with children he doesn’t know. And, more important, how does he treat you? When you’re dating a man, you should always feel good. You should never feel less than. You should never doubt yourself. You shouldn’t be in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t make you completely happy and make you feel whole. And if you’re in that relationship and you’re dating, then my advice is, don’t get married. Get out of it and find that person that brings you complete and utter joy with who you are at the moment.
I always love Mrs. O’s advice. I see what she is saying. I also see how it can be misunderstood. A man or woman cannot bring you “complete and utter joy” or “make you completely happy”. They can, however, enhance what you already have and or feeling. For example, if you are happy, then you are more happy with them, and if you are depressed, you will be more depressed because you’ll find situations to be depressed about.
That is what I believe she is saying. Too many men and women lean on their partners for that “good feeling”. I have done that, and when that comes up I realize I can’t call him to feel good it’s about me, my overall emotional chemistry. What am I telling myself? What stories am I making up in my mind? Definitely choose a man based on his character, but many women won’t. They want the money, and the looks, the cars, and all that. Just make sure however you get it, you are already “there” inside, and won’t hold anyone hostage in a relationship until they make you feel good.