First Lady Michelle’s Dating Advice?

Michelle: From Working Mom To Stay At Home Mom (Look Good, Girl!)

Recently, Michelle Obama gave some dating advice to women in Glamour (a publication I’ve written for), and she said this:

Cute’s good. But cute only lasts for so long, and then it’s, Who are you as a person? That’s the advice I would give to women: Don’t look at the bankbook or the title. Look at the heart. Look at the soul. Look at how the guy treats his mother and what he says about women. How he acts with children he doesn’t know. And, more important, how does he treat you? When you’re dating a man, you should always feel good. You should never feel less than. You should never doubt yourself. You shouldn’t be in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t make you completely happy and make you feel whole. And if you’re in that relationship and you’re dating, then my advice is, don’t get married. Get out of it and find that person that brings you complete and utter joy with who you are at the moment.

I always love Mrs. O’s advice.  I see what she is saying.  I also see how it can be misunderstood.  A man or woman cannot bring you “complete and utter joy” or “make you completely happy”.  They can, however, enhance what you already have and or feeling.  For example, if you are happy, then you are more happy with them, and if you are depressed, you will be more depressed because you’ll find situations to be depressed about.

That is what I believe she is saying.  Too many men and women lean on their partners for that “good feeling”.  I have done that, and when that comes up I realize I can’t call him to feel good it’s about me, my overall emotional chemistry.  What am I telling myself? What stories am I making up in my mind?  Definitely choose a man based on his character, but many women won’t.  They want the money, and the looks, the cars, and all that.  Just make sure however you get it, you are already “there” inside, and won’t hold anyone hostage in a relationship until they make you feel good.


  1. Tonya says:

    I think what Mrs. Obama is saying is very true for both sexes. Even though it may seem that men receive the advice to go beyond looks, I find few men who are in relationships just for looks. A short fling can be based on looks; a long term relationship or a marriage requires compatible personalities. I don’t think a man could put up with some they dislike for the rest of their lives. A man shallow man isn’t a real man in my opinion, and most men I know agree with me. Life is hell when you have to put up with really annoying people,

  2. Miss Andi K. says:

    Bitter Lamar?

    I think that Obama is considered to be an attractive man by old-school standards. His ability to articulate his point while being a poised and debonair man are what make him attractive.

    I have actually had the privelege of meeting him, and while I did not find him physically attractive before, I did walk away finding him attractive afterward. He has an air about him that is magnetic. Sort of like Bill Clinton.

  3. Lamar says:

    Okay Timeout! Jesus Take The Wheel! For the Record Obama is not attractive!!!!!!!!!!! I stay right outside of Dc and women 16-60 thinks he is cute!!!!!!!!!!!! Keep it real if Obama was in the club or walking down the street most women would keep it moving..

    Now since he went to a great college and is President he is so hot???? So now it sounds like he is Denzel status or Morris Chestnut.When a man get’s to a certain level in life woman come out the woodworks…

  4. daphne says:

    There seems to be a bit of reading between the lines going on to make what First Lady Obama said more palatable. Not that her advice is bad, per se, it isn’t. I agree with EbonyLolita that a healthy romantic relationship can bring out the best in someone, although no one can make another person completely happy or whole.

    I do find it interesting that, usually, only women are advised to go beyond looks and look into character. I also think it’s interesting that advice is coming from a woman with an attractive, fit husband. I’m not sure why there isn’t more advice, in general, about finding a balance – looks and character are usually framed as either/or, which I don’t understand. First Lady Obama doesn’t say looks are bad, but why the emphasis on how long cute lasts? Are only unattractive men those of character?

  5. Lamar says:

    Sounds like the problem is women are single and getting older and you looking for perfection when you not perfect yourself…..

  6. EbonyLolita says:

    I believe in completing yourself in terms of your personal growth. However, there is a sense of TRUTH that a good relationship can bring out the best in you when you’re with that person. So…. she’s right b/c “being cute” ain’t gonna cut it when your looking for a Husband which should be a Lifetime Commitment. The qualities that the mate holds is something that can either make or break you.

    Love, EbonyLolita 😉

  7. ThatOne says:

    This rings so true to home! Someone will take her advice and say “see, that is why I am still single because no one completes me…” WHATEVA!

  8. Deja says:

    Read her advice on another blog and I wasn’t impressed with it, What was she saying that was so different and exciting? Anyway, I respect the hustle. Good twist on it though!

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