By Guest Blogger Te-Erika Patterson
Have you ever noticed that sometimes there seems to be a battle going on inside of you?
Most often, it’s because you feel trapped in someway and feel as though you can not express the real you. This leads to being defensive and angry and it affects the way you relate to people. You may begin to hide out, cutting yourself off from people in general and living a life of unhappy solitude.
You are experiencing this incongruity in your personality because there are two “You’s” fighting with each other. Your True Self is your instinctual self. It’s the part of who you are that reacts emotionally and wants to be happy at all times. The other part of who you are is your Social Self. This part of your personality recognizes the expectations of society and tries desperately to fit in with them.
Your True Self may like football, think women are sexy or loathes cooking and cleaning while your “social self” reminds you that you are a woman and you shouldn’t like football, think women are sexy and makes you believe that something is wrong with you because you don’t like to cook.
Our social self is a product of our involvement in society. Someone set up a system of “normal behaviors” that are often relegated to gender roles and when we are born, we are taught to follow the rules in order to progress in life.
Traditional therapists believe that in order to create a happy, healthy life there should be a balance of the two. I’m still on the fence about that advice because I have trained myself to be my True Self at all times. If I want to cry, I’ll cry. If I want to be alone, I won’t answer the door. If I want to be a bitch…I’m a bitch.
This causes disruption in my life when people who are conditioned to create happiness in the structured way express their disdain for my lifestyle. But at the end of the day, I am so happy with who I am and the life that I lead. I don’t do anything I don’t want to do and my life is exactly the way I want it to be. The biggest benefit is the fact that the people who are consistently in my life love me for who I really am and not some expressed ideal of who I believe I should be.
Embrace your “True Self”. It’s okay to live how you want to live, play how you want to play and love how you want to love. Unless you are harming someone else’s life, you have my full permission to…just BE.