Disapearing (Appearing) Acts…
I couldn’t write. I needed me time, space time. Little did I know that one of the greatest things to ever happen would happen at this time. Still I couldn’t write. I was exhausted.
As an alpha female we are used to giving so much–information, time, resources, an ear, a hand, you name it. We are used to be “on” all the time and the picture of “perfect progress”. I was tired, tired tired. I would read some of the archives and want to have lunch with that person who wrote that–me. I just didn’t have the energy to give. Most alpha females are not absorbers of energy (like me) they give out lots. Now, I give out lots, but I absorb twice as much which can drain me. For example, spending time with people I don’t know is draining, because I feel the need to conserve my energy. That takes energy too! Only other alpha females know what I mean. Essentially, I needed space to just be me–messy me, indecisive me, cranky me, and more.
We shouldn’t discard the parts of ourselves that get us down or get us in trouble for the part of ourselves everybody loves. To be a whole person we should want to take all those parts because they all have value. What can the “bad” part do for you? It can protect you, nurture you and offer you deep intuitive guidance, instead of defeat you, beat you, and sabotage you.
If you ever feel a need to hide, hibernate, cut yourself off from others even for a day, don’t hesitate. It’s okay to not want to be bothered. Just make sure during this time you are regenerative. You are reading helpful books, blogs, and all that, even while you are not necessarily doing “good”. Sleep, too. Eat your fav foods. Use the time to learn and reinvent. It took me a few years to even feel partly like I’m there yet. Just a little everyday.
Anything from a death, money woes, family issues, health issues can make you want to run. At times, I still fantasize about running off to Paris or Italy, growing my hair wild, and eating cheese all day! But I realize that is a part of me that needs love, too. She’s the side that reminds me to get out of my ruts and take life by the cajones.
To all of you who dug in the archives looking for just about anything to stay connected to Alphanista, I appreciate your support and letters. As the year winds down (because it is!) I will focus on more uplifting blogs. Maybe it’ll even be a few words. Maybe I’ll disappear again. But you know how to reach me.
In the meantime, walk away with this from the 48 Laws of Power…”never appear too perfect”and “recreate yourself”.