Depression Inspiration: The Disillusioned Alphanista

By Te-Erika Patterson

Yes, the Alphanista is delusional.

She has to be in this world. She recognizes that her ability to create the world around her is a direct reflection of her thoughts and perception so she perceives everything to b grand. Her morning cup of coffee or tea is a royal ritual in her mind. The world spins at her command, but on some days, even for the Alphanista, the carrousel stops.

What happens when the Alphanista wakes up to find that running her empire requires 26 hours a day and her husband is distant and cold due to his immense responsibilities? She’s over worked and feeling unappreciated because she cannot simply delegate her top priorities to others, no one can steer her ship like she can. She may feel like running away. The dream attained at last, doesn’t seem so dreamy after all.

“Who am I?” she may ask herself. “Who is this man I’m sleeping with? Where is the fairy tale I fought so hard for, prayed for and believed I deserved?”

At this point, the Alphanista has two choices, she can either, put on a brave (fake) face and continue the grind until her body reflects the condition of her heart or she will take a step back and take a much needed break. This may mean resigning from her charity work or putting a stop to the intense work out regimen she subjects herself to in order to whip her body into shape for the dream she envisions. She stands back and simply allows herself to be.

The process of BE~ING is the most difficult process that many can undertake. This fast paced society rings the alarm most ardently informing us that we are nothing if our bank accounts aren’t overflowing and our names aren’t in the society papers. We believe that to be admired and adored will lead to happiness, but really it leads to a never ending chase to maintain that status. Every award becomes outdated. Every gold medal loses its shine. So then what? What happens when the song you wrote starts falling off the charts? What happens when your last book isn’t even carried in book stores anymore? What happens when a younger Alphanista steps onto the scene and is now carrying the torch you used to claim?

Who are you then?

You are still the beautiful, amazing siren that you always knew you were. You created a fantasy life for yourself and many will admire your accomplishments for years to come. Now you are faced with the task of redefining your idea of success. This is when many Alphanista’s who claimed they never wanted children, yearn to have some of their own. Yet, this is still another way of hiding behind another role. “I am someone’s Mom,” you may say. But that doesn’t really define you.

YOU define you. You are a culmination of your likes and dislikes, your fears and your hopes, your past and your expectations. That is quite enough, my darling. Get off of that rollercoaster ride to your superficial idea of success. If you have friends you can trust, a partner who makes you feel safe and supported and the ability to pamper yourself from time to time, you are rich indeed.

Now is the time to educate yourself. Seek the wisdom of the ancient traditions from faraway lands. Seek inner peace through learning to enjoy time alone. Practice being still. Be still. Watch as the world moves around you. Smile as the younger Alphanista’s grind and bop and dream their lofty dreams, remembering when you too were just as ambitious and hopeful. You understand where they are going and you know that eventually they will reach the place where you are today. Let them have the fantasy because looking back, wasn’t it such a sweet, sweet ascension filled with adventure and drama and honor? It was worth it. It is time for the next phase of your life. This phase begins with knowing that the honor you give yourself is the most valuable award you will ever receive.

Te-Erika Patterson frequently writes blog posts for Alphanista.  To learn more about her visit her at


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