Dating’s Hard! So I’m Going To India…

How did I miss this? One of the best articles on relationships/dating in NYC that I’ve read in a while. In “The Search for the Perfect Stranger” the writer goes to India to find a husband after being fed up of being fed up with dating as a 30-something in NYC. What’s wrong with wanting to be married? Putting your attention on someone else or a greater vision besides yourself and what you’re gonna have for lunch today. Dating in this culture is obscene. Yes, OBSCENE! There are too many single people wandering around hoping to run into another single person, by chance, by fate or destiny for sex, dinner, money, or love. It’s all up in the air. Too much left to where the chips fall. Gambling offers better chances, some say. So, I was reading this article and some things jumped out:

For a decidedly unmystical society that seems to have the answer for everything else — the best medical care, cutting-edge technology, superhighways, and space shuttles — it seems odd that people are left to their own resources, casting around for another lonely soul, for what is arguably the most important decision of their lives.

Exactly!

Why do we have to be “perfectly sound” before we can meet someone? Why can’t we be desperately alone and unhappy and become much more balanced or healthy after getting involved with someone? We’ve all seen this happen with friends — “God, Peter seems so much happier now that he’s going out with Jessica. He’s not drinking as much.”

There is a multi million dollar publishing industry built on being “perfectly sound”. Getting it all together before “the one” person you’ll meet by chance. Of course, in this “Secret” age you’re supposed to be the person you want to attract. Once you become that person, you’ll attract that person like magic. But what if that doesn’t happen? Then you become desperately alone and unhappy again. Don’t let the advertising agencies fool you. Under the guise, this country is “marriage obssessed”. It’s funny, how most obssession stems from the desire to have something you can’t.

I also don’t know any women who are marriage-aged and want to remain single, free, and happy. That is the biggest marketing lie ever. Most women want to be married and pregant. They’d chose a happy life with a nice husband and family over the corner office and long hours. To hell with having the great career and being okay with that, and sometimes wonder about getting married–if you feel like it. That is so 1995. Women just want to rest their head on a safe place. To many that safe place is marriage. We all know that “corporate” America is far from safe. The real way to have both is to do it together, at the same time. It can be done simultaneously. You can have a your career, and a husband, and find your inner zen in the garage. It’s not that hard. It’s America, we understand.

“To admit to others that I yearned for a long-term commitment or marriage… sounded regressive as soon as it emerged from my mouth,” she writes. “It was atavistic in nature, a throwback to a time when women couldn’t financially support themselves. It was a piece of treacherous anathema in the age of strong, independent working women.”

Yeah, what’s up with that? What is wrong with telling someone you want to share your life with someone at some point? Are we supposed to act like brick walls and walk through the dark maze of dating bumping into whatever comes our way. With no goals, objectives, or motive? Going from flower to flower, person to person. Living the latter is borderline sociopath. Just my humble opinion…

When I look at my friends who married with the exception of maybe 1, I am underwhelmed. I cannot say that I would want to be married the way they had or under the circumstances they had to go through. I also do not think I could be living under the broke, burdened conditons some of them do. Don’t worry, they don’t read this. They’re too busy being married

And I still want to marry. I’ve always seen myself living quite well with my husband.

Many men think they’re removed from all this “dating” madness. They think they can date forever or until the perfect girl comes along. But they have a biological clock, too. It’s called testosterone. It also affects the quality of sperm soon after. Studies show that miscarriage rates increase when the father is older than 35. At 40 and on, the erections are aren’t as hard and take longer. What if you don’t have a wife to deal with that? It just all seems awfully lonely to me. For women, well, we all know about the babies thing. The author takes herself to India to find a husband. She’s determined. Unfortunately many of us are more determined about being alone, than anything else.

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