Weekend Rewind: Dating White–A Black Man Speaks
September 11, 2009
Rapper Eve is known for dating "white" and is rumored to be engaged to a white man
Blast from the past! This lasted about a week with various spin off blogs, enjoy!
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Here’s a rebuttal to the post from last week “I Date White And I’m Alrright” on The Thought Remixer blog, The Difference Between White Boys and Black Men.
It’s long but I pulled some commentary from this black man as he responds to Nikki, the girl who dates white. Here’s what he says about Nikki’s point saying white men have good credit:
White people learned about money from a young age. They grow up in an environment that will encourage them to “think & grown rich”. They will have bank accounts at a young age. They will learn the value of a dollar and hard work. Sure, some of them will be spoiled, especially when their parents spoil them. But that type of environment (and we are not talking about just the home, but the neighborhoods, the schools, etc.) Their people = support system. Chances are black people will more than likely be raised in a broken home, where parents have to struggle to save money….
He also says:
So, here’s my closing augment, Nikki.
I respect your decision to marry your “white boy” & I’m sorry that you had a bad experience with black men. However, I don’t see why you have to justify yourself and convince other black women with your (and I say this with every once of respect, Nikki) wackass, one sided response. I further don’t understand why you have to degrade your man by calling him a boy.
But wait I do…
… you’re a woman and you don’t give a flying flip what everyone else thinks…
So, there it is. A black man’s perspective, or is it an excuse? You decide.
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I think everyone should be able to date whom ever they like. Black men do it, why shouldnt black women. I think it gives everyone options in finding love and companionship. As long as it isnt because white is better than black. White has better credit than black or any other reason besides two people meeting and falling in love. This is usually the maturation of a black woman who is looking for an excuse as to why at 35 she hasnt been able to land the deal with a worthy black male. It is usually from a point of bitterness for not having the great body, or other physical attribute that gets attention from the opposite sex. So now I want to go white. Dont get it twisted, white guys like “fat asses” now too.
Obviously no one cares what a black man thinks! LOL
We are tired of the excuses….
@ janet.. Barack told me to tell you your wrong…..
Mike was hitting some good points and then decided to go for the low blow – lol
Love is as love does – you shouldn’t limit yourself at any stage of life. I think black women feel more pressure than black man to “keep it in the family” when it comes to relationships and typically disregard advances of the WM until later when they realize that “going white is alright.”
Love sees no color – so if you are looking for love – don’t limit yourself and you just may find it.
I’d love to see the white woman perspective on why she dates the black man….MR – where da white women at?
That was a weak rebuttle, and I just don’t understand why this Nikki girl is getting so much flack….Look black woman and black men are the only race that will openly say horrible things about eachother, and more so black men toward black women. They will openly say they prefer this or that than a black woman AND will boldly do it in front of other races. where Do you ever see other races being so disrespectful to eachother?
Also the presence of black love truly depends on what part of the country you are in, all i know is i didn’t even consider dating outside my race until i moved to the (midwest) its a disgrace the men I encounter here, a (black) man actually said to me, “u are so beautfiul and smart but no one will ever want u because you are black, we only mess with white girls around here, i feel bad for you .” but he said it with no explanation of that preference. WTF? and he was dead ass serious. I knew it was bullsh*t, but the balls he had to say that! Now this is the kind of stuff that black women have to deal with around here, and its really sad, they feel so unwanted and unloved. I can see it in their attitudes and faces and they don’t understand that they do not have to deal with that. I don’t deal with that though, while I was dating other races here, I just so happen to meet a southern gentleman (black) and that was the end of that. Date whoever you want, but I am of supporter in black women dating outside if neccessary to them because of the things I have witnessed. But to each its own, I just believe in OPTIONS, and black men can kick rocks with their reactions and emotions toward this situation. They been doing it forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *eye-roll*
Sisters… please dont leave us!!! We know we have overlooked you all long enough..We apologize. Yall had fattys and hips way before J-LO came along. We see you. If you could just bare with us, we are working on getting it together. If you could try….just a little ….not to be so critical of us. We are coming home. Promise. You deserve first choice. when you have had your fill leave whats left to “them”.. We will always love you. Will you …us?
@Mike, are being facetious? Judging by your previous comment I would think so.
And ladies, stop buying into this line: “We are coming home. Promise.” How long have we been hearing that? And where has it gotten us? Stop believing the excuses. Date whomever makes you happy- regardless of what color they are.
Oh Please aint nobody waiting for anybody to come home. Do what you do. There are men out here, see you when I see you.
You see…. We try to make amends and still we get bashed!! But despite the ridicule, I’ll speak for all the brothers in search of his better half. Keep searching brothers. Shes umongst us. She has always been here. Shout out to “ms_missy2″. Shout out to “MRENTERTAINMENT”. I see you!! Lets find the love. We always have other options but your best choice is your next choice. Lets keep it black. BARACK-n-MICHELLE !!!!
Does anyone really think that one paragraph of amends can make up for what BW have been experiencing for the past 3 decades? This is the very type of narcissism among brothers that BW deal with; this idea that BW should wait for BM. Are BM waiting on BW, btw? No. This idea that BM will eventually “come home” doesn’t play because we all know good and well that BM are not coming home anytime soon. BW, just continue waiting while your youth and eggs dry up.
Women who are marriage and family oriented really DO NOT have to time to sit around and wait for men to come around all the while neglecting their needs for love, family, and emotional attachment. This is the very reason why women become bitter, angry, and resentful.
My advice to everyone here is to do you. Find love wherever it may find you and don’t worry about what anyone else has to say about it.
Is it really too late? Is there no resolution? Please speak to us, tell us how we can bring it together? Can we try? We are listening…… Let start a revolution right here. Mend the black family. Find out why us brothers have looked away from the black family. Find out what needs to be done to bring it back together. I am a part of the 100 Black Police officers. those of us that are not married have discussed finding ways to reach out to the sisters to make amends. Thank you Maryann for providing this platform to open talks. We will start with ourselves. We will need you input. What can we do ease the pain?
No one can completely address all of these issues as entire books could be written. Further, I can’t speak for everyone, but I will say:
“Is it really too late?”
That’s not for me to answer. I advocate, and will continue to advocate, for BW to expand their dating and mating options. I don’t think that BW should not consider BM as an option, I just don’t think they should have blinders to men of other races. No matter what a woman’s age or body type is. I don’t think BW should wait on anyone, women just don’t have that kind of time.
I also find it ironic that BM feel the need for action only when it appears that they maybe losing their grip on BW.
“Is there no resolution? Please speak to us, tell us how we can bring it together? Can we try? What can we do ease the pain? Find out why us brothers have looked away from the black family. Find out what needs to be done to bring it back together.”
I don’t necessarily have the answer to those questions. Most of those questions are things that BM will have to answer themselves. But IMO, in order to ease the pain and get back to where we started some issues need to be considered i.e.:
-Respect for each other (I make it a point on my blog not to talk disparagingly about BM nor do I make saviors out of WM).
-Stop supporting the careers of, or make excuses for, entertainers who do not respect BW (and vice versa).
-Make marriage and family (NOT COHABITATION, NOT BABY MAMA DRAMA, BUT MARRIAGE) a priority.
-No double standards. Don’t get snippy about me dating out of my race when you do it too. I put BW who do this in check too.
What a lot of BW feel that they don’t get from BM is appreciation, respect, and being made to feel beautiful.
Alright, I wrote an essay to counter the thoughts of one woman…
… and no one invited me to the conversation? Huh?
Are y’all saying I’m making excuses?
Because I did imply that it’s not the whole problem, but it could be part of a bigger problem and I’m focus on the article alone.
There IS a bigger problem here, but I am not the expert on the issue. What I said was pretty sound logic.
How is what I said “a weak rebuttal”? I’m talking from personal experiences and research on the matter… something that Nikki’s failed. I put a lot of thought into what I said. I ever re-edited the first version to cut down on the words.
And while I do promote black love, I never, ever said that I’m against interracial dating. I’m against justify dating one race because there isn’t enough good strong black men. I’m saying “depends on where you look”.
But I guess no one is going to take their time to “read into it”. Maybe if I did a one-sided “shock and awe”, I’ll get a little more respect. I’ll be WRONG to throw out such vibes out there… but I’m looking to leave you with something to think about. But if what you think from reading JUST one paragraph is that I promote “excuses”, then I guess what we have here is failure to communicate…
… which always seem to be the problem in the first place.
I didn’t take issue with any of the the points made in the essay. I think Nukirk made some pretty sound points. What I’ve been taking issue with are the comments that have been made on both posts.
Mike I was with you till you got BITTER and ANGRY, Which unfortunately, is a trait that BM carry on their backs. Im 30 and hold myself to a high standard. My parents are still married over 30yrs and I’ve seen nothing but Love/EmotionalCommittement/Family Values. NOW, b/c I believe in this and want it for myself IM SINGLE!!!!! I ain’t no Halle Berry but when I hit the streets ALL men of different races look. I’m rich and good in Mind/Body/Spirit.
But…. BM seem to want to date the world and put their women LAST b/c they think we’ll wait FOREVER and a DAY. Hmpfh, now I have never dated WHITE but I’m going to start to open my options to ANY man that will show me the same love/honesty/respect that I see in my parent’s marriage. Because of broken homes many BM see no value in marriage and want to do it when they’re the last OLD man at the club. Please…. I don’t want those type of scraps.
MIKE I see you are attempting to use sarcasm in your rebuttal against Nikki but what you did instead was belittle your point and exacerbate the ignored feelings that Sistas feel in their search for a Mate. *Kissteeth* Now if you are really saying such a much show yourself as an example of a BM that is willing to commit to a sister. Show US what your working with since you classified single women over a certain age as being out of shape and bitter. Something tells me you won’t have the Courage to do so.
Any Physically/ Financially & Emotionally Secure/Stable Black Men that are ready to LIVE LIFE click on my name and follow me on Twitter. I’m looking to date Grown Men not Idiots.
Love,
EbonyLolita
I am currently dating a white man. He treats me with respect and loves me unconditionally. Love should be color-blind and unconditional. Love should be limitless. Women, whether you are white, black, asian, or latina, should not limit themselves when it comes to love. Forget all the stigmas, myths, and stereotypes. I used to be scared of what others thought of me if I decided to step outside of my race. Not anymore! Like my man tells me, people should have the attitude where they don’t give a flip about what others think or feel about how one should be or live their lives. You live for you. Not other people. You are in charge of your own happiness. Don’t ever let society dictate what makes you happy. You decide that.