by Michaela Cunningham
I only had a couple of relationships that went THIS well.
Unfortunately, both of those relationships ended badly. Very. Badly. Even though things with my Swirl (aka white) Man were golden, I kept psyching myself out wondering how I would respond if and when we broke up. I knew how to handle breaking up with a Black man – what would it feel like to break up with a White one?
My Swirl Man kept being his wonderful self, and I tried to relax. He told me about some of his past relationships and heartbreaks, yet he wasn’t carrying any major baggage. He was happy just to be with me. Even though I felt the same way about him, I knew that to some extent I still had my guard up. I’d been hurt too many times in the past. It was hard for me to believe that ultimately this man would be any different from the ones I’d already experienced.
It was time for an intervention – and I had to confront myself. Sure, I’d conquered the war of public opinion, but I failed to conquer the “F” word. Fear. What else would it be? I knew needed to get a grip. I would wind up sabotaging my relationship if I didn’t.
I had to be honest. So far, my Swirl Man met and even exceeded ALL my requirements. So what was I really afraid of? Success? I gave my heart willingly in previous relationships to Black men. So why hold on so tightly now? I was with a new – and very different – man. But there’s just something wrong about being dumped by a white man. Just wrong.