Dating Like A White Woman: Loved By The Swirl

This series will take a first -person look into IR relationships without all the politics but reflection. It will look at one Alphanista’s journey into interracial dating and her discoveries.

by Michaela Cunningham

I came to my senses with a quickness. What was I thinking? Why should I allow myself to be paralyzed by a “what if” or a “maybe?” If for some reason things don’t work out between my new man and me, then so what?  Him being White doesn’t stop me from dating him, so why should his Whiteness make a difference if for some reason we break up?

When I think about the dating practices of White women, I don’t believe they engage in half the second-guessing and over-analyzing that Black women do. What’s the point? Just because one relationship doesn’t work, it doesn’t mean the next one won’t. The end of one relationship simply leaves room for the next one to begin. They keep it moving – onward and UPWARD.

The trick lies in making the conscious decision to stop carrying around the garbage – I mean baggage – from previous relationships. Hiding behind the hurts of the past is for cowards and victims. When it comes to love, a woman has to “cut high or stay at home.”

There’s nothing like a good mental and emotional shakedown to help you ditch the doubts, shut down the negative self-talk, and kick fear to the curb. When your heart is open, love is free to come flooding in. I knew I was really feeling my Swirl Man, so why not tell him?

He actually beat me to the punch. This weekend we played rock-paper-scissors to decide what type of movie we were going to see (him – action; me – romance). When my scissors cut his paper, he pulled me close and told me he loved me. I was more than happy to kiss him and tell him I loved him, too.

What a relief! I had not realized how weighed down I was until I let go of fear. Of course love involves risk. Loving someone makes you vulnerable to them, and yes, you can most certainly get hurt. But I learned that risk and vulnerability also carry a reward: The reward of loving, and being loved in return. And who doesn’t want that?

More in this series



  1. Maryann says:

    Hey there! Glad to hear that. How bad anyone treats you is a testament to his character and how much he hates himself. All of us must learn to embrace love, and not fear. 80% of this world is fear based, no wonder 10% of the people control 90% of the resources. Let’s be the 10%!

    As Florence Scovel Shinn said, “Flee from things that flee from thee”. The cost? Is one’s life.

  2. goldlabeler says:

    I’m in the same predicament. I am dating a white man and he is so good to me. It’s amazing how a man that treats me horribly can have me hung on them but a good guy gets lack luster feelings from me. It’s not because he is unattractive because he is my ideal, physically speaking. I’m a woman, scorned by my ex, who is afraid to embark on a new relationship in secret hopes of reconciling with this ex. He doesn’t do half of what this white man does for me emotionally or mentally. My new man would bend over as far back as his tall self could, I believe, for me. I have to let go of the “F” word and stop thinking so much and just do.
    He’s amazing for me.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *