Dating A Beta A.K.A Mr. “Shy”

by Guest Blogger Mila

My close girlfriend is an alpha female and generally has no problem dating.

So I was surprised when she called me worrying that this guy she’s dating may no longer be interested in her. They had gone on two dates and planned to go to the museum next week. I was impressed that they were already doing the museum date. The museum date is a step above the bar or club date, where you feel sheltered by the dim lighting and loud music. She said that they hadn’t talked in a couple of days and the last communication was via email.

Who emails their date? This guy does. He is also soft-spoken, gentle, and quite shy. My theory is that he is not disinterested; rather he’s probably waiting around for her to text him first. He is the typical shy guy. The shy guy is the one who emails his date instead of calling. He is the one who pays for every date and always insists on doing “whatever you want”. He is not opinionated like the alpha male, and he certainly is not the type to spontaneously text you a flirty message.

However, the shy guy is still a nice guy and totally worth dating. He really cares about his girl, and he will go out of his way to take care of her. So, I told my friend that she needs to take the initiative to contact him and make him feel comfortable. He’s dating an attractive, successful, bold young woman. He’s intimidated! It is possible for a guy to be intimidated, believe it or not.

So, for those ladies dating shy guys, here are a couple of suggestions:

•    Take the initiative if he is quiet. Most likely he’s waiting for you to contact him. Don’t be afraid to ask him on a date, but remember he needs baby steps. He may never have dated such a bold, outgoing girl before.
•    Ease him into the dating game. Instead of bringing him to the lounge to meet 10 of your best-friends, perhaps start with a romantic dinner at a quiet restaurant.
•    Remember that he may be an introvert, so give him time to speak his mind. Try not to dominate the conversations you have.
•    Lastly, the shy guy is a sucker for compliments. Make him feel good about himself by letting him know he looks good or his cologne smells delicious. You’ll be surprised that even men enjoy compliments as much as we do. Before you know it, your shy guy will come out of his shell and be a faithful companion.

Mila is in her twenties and lives and works in New York City. She loves writing, running, and good music. If there’s a dance party, she’s there.

Why A Man Gets


  1. missing_pieces says:

    I co-sign with all of you. There are no shy guys he’s just not that into her.

    Trust me, I wanted nothing more than to date a guy who I thought was shy but he said he wasn’t attracted to me like that, he was totally infatuated with this other chick, bought her a ring and everything- turns out she was just using him for his money. Oh well.

    Kind of glad it didn’t work out between us because he’s one of those possessive-crazy in love type of dudes-; that’s a big no-no in my book.

    Nope, I don’t know of a shy guy, he might be quiet but if he wants you he will find a way to let you know.

  2. BB says:

    Respectfully, when it comes to dating, I believe there is no such thing as a shy guy. There is a such thing as an “I’m kinda interested but not really” guy and a “stroke my ego so I can man up for the woman I really want” guy. IMHO. The “shy guy” is right up there with the “too busy” guy- both code for not that interested.

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